Betrayal In The First Degree
by AllAboutTheWriting
Summary: When Olivia is attacked and raped, the squad is suddenly thrown into chaos. But when she claims she was raped by Elliot, will it rip the SVU Unit apart at the seams?
1. Prologue

Betrayal In The First Degree

Hi everyone! Glad to see the summary caught your attention. Honestly, it was about two in the morning when I came up with the idea for this. I was just bored and this seemed like a fun story line to explore. I had the best time writing this, so I hope you all like it too.

Just a few things before I let you go, at the beginning of each chapter I'll probably put some song lyrics. Also, each chapter (except for the first one) will be in the first person point of view of one of the SVU cast members. Direct thoughts are in _italics_ as are dreams, memories, and stressed words. Well, I think that's it. So without further ado, here's Betrayal In The First Degree.

Chapter 1 Epilogue

_**Is anybody listening?  
**__**Can you hear me when I call?  
**__**Shooting signals in the air  
**__**Cuz I need somebody's help  
**__**I can't make it on my own  
**__**I'm giving up myself  
**__**Is anybody listening?  
**__**I'm lost here  
**__**I can't make it on my own  
**__**I don't want to die alone  
**__**I'm so scared  
**__**Drowning now  
**_**_Reaching out  
_****_Holding onto everything I know_**  
_**Crying out  
**__**Dying now  
**__**Need some help…**_

John Munch sighed as he sat down on his couch in his living room. Another day, another long night, he thought. It was about two in the morning and he still had his clothes on that he'd been wearing that day. He'd gotten off work at a reasonable hour. What kept him up was the case he had to work on. It was the kind that always kept him up at night. A young girl's naked body found completely mutilated and tossed in a Dumpster. Their last lead had just been blown out of the water.

Just as John opened a newspaper and began scanning the sections, he heard someone knocking on his door. He instinctively went for his gun, not knowing anyone who'd be at his house at two in the morning.

Keeping it at his side in case it was nothing, he advanced towards the door. Just as suddenly as it had started, the knocking ceased. Though it might have reassured most people, it only worried John more. As his free hand wrapped around the cold doorknob, he thought he heard a sobbing noise. Jerking the handle towards him, he came face to face with Olivia.

Though it was dark, there was no missing the cuts and abrasions covering her face. The blood on her cheeks was running in rivers down her face, mixing with the tears she was crying.

John's mouth moved to form the words "what happened," but before he could speak, Olivia fell into his arms, sobs shaking her body.

"Liv, what happened?" John put his arms around her shoulders.

"How could he?" She managed to choke out despite the fact that her face was buried in his shoulder.

"Liv, honey, what happened?" He repeated.

Olivia didn't say anything, though another set of tremors shook through her.

"Come here baby." John led her into his living room, getting her out of the cold. He closed the door behind them. Letting Olivia lean on him, he walked her over to his couch and sat down with her. "It's okay Liv. Calm down, I'm here." Olivia's cries slowed down, becoming softer as John held her in his arms. "Liv?" John whispered, trying to get her to calm down enough to tell him what happened. "What happened?" He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back, far enough that he could see her face. Her eyes were bright red and puffy, tear stains covering her face.

"He raped me John!" She wailed, the tears starting up again. "He raped me…"

John's grip on her tightened as soon as she spoke. He let her fall back into his arms again. "Shh, don't worry Liv baby, I'm here. It'll be okay."

--XXX--

"But how…" Fin's voice caught in his throat, rendering him speechless for one of the first times in his life. His face was pale and he looked like he was going to be sick.

Munch bit the side of his tongue, trying to choke his anger down before he released it on Fin. "Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is what she told me before completely falling apart."

Fin opened his mouth as if to speak, but footsteps running down the hall stopped him. As the noise got closer, Fin and Munch saw Elliot running towards them, breathless. He'd obviously been running a while.

"I got here as soon as I heard!" He was panting as he finally stopped in front of his fellow detectives. "Is she okay?" Elliot reached out to grab the doorknob when Munch walked in front of him, forcefully shoving his hand down. His jaw was locked in anger, as were his eyes on Elliot.

Fin, reluctantly following suit, stood next to his partner, his eyes not meeting Elliot's.

"What's going on?" Elliot's gaze glanced from Munch, to Fin, back to Munch, and so on a few times. "Can't I see her?"

"No." Munch's tone was cold and harsh.

"What is it?" His eyes flickered of concern and fret, making it even harder for Fin to believe what Munch had told him.

"You can't go in there man," Fin answered, looking up at him.

"What? Why?"

"I'd think you'd know that," Munch spat at him. "Considering."

"Considering what?" Elliot was completely bewildered by Fin and Munch's behavior. Something wasn't right.

"Considering the fact that she says you raped her!" Munch growled, lunging at Elliot.


	2. 2 Munch

Chapter 2 - Munch

_**That's rock bottom  
**__**When this life makes you mad enough to kill  
**_**_That's rock bottom  
_****_When you want something bad enough to steal_**  
_**That's rock bottom  
**__**When you feel like you've had it up to here  
**_'_**Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear  
**__**That's rock bottom…**_

**Munch**

_This can't be happening_, I thought to myself as Fin tried to comprehend what I'd just told him.

"But how…" Fin started.

I closed my mouth and clamped my teeth onto my tongue, trying to keep myself from throwing up. I instinctively closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath. The bile rising in my mouth quickly put an end to that though.

"Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is what she told me before completely falling apart."

_I swear to God when I see that sonofabitch…_

Already I was envisioning a million threats towards Elliot. I could feel my hands shaking in unleashed anger.

As I heard footsteps coming towards us, I assumed it was Cragen. _Because he wouldn't have the audacity to come within fifty feet of this hospital._ Much to my disgusted incredulity, it wasn't Cragen, it was him.

"I got here as soon as I could. Is she okay?" He was sweating and panting. _Obviously holding Olivia down while he raped her had given him a workout!_ I mentally paralyzed my right arm so that I wouldn't suddenly fly off the edge and beat the shit out of him. _Not that that's to say the bastard didn't deserve that and more. _But I rather he'd face twelve jurors than six Paul-bearers.

But as soon as his hand reached out to grab the doorknob, my arm sprang back to life, ripping it away. I jumped in front of the doorway, making it impossible for him to get in without going through me. I had sworn to Olivia that I would never let him hurt her again. And as long as I had a breath left in my body, that promise would be kept.

I felt my jaw clench and I almost winced at the pain my teeth were causing me as I increased the pressure that held them together. I was so focused on controlling my anger that I was only ever so slightly aware of the fact that Fin had taken a spot next to me.

"What's going on? Can't I see her?" _What, you didn't see enough when you were raping her!_ My vision started blurring and I saw streaks of red merging with what I was looking at.

"No," I barked at him. Only trusting myself to speak that one word controllably.

"What is it?" _As if you didn't know,_ I almost spat.

"You can't go in there man," Fin answered.

"What? Why?" I heard the fake concern and forced sympathy in his words, and it only infuriated me more.

"I'd think you'd know that," I found myself saying before I could stop it. "Considering."

"Considering what?"

I felt myself lose control over my impulses as I shrieked at him. "Considering the fact that she says you raped her!" A flash obscured my vision, blinding me for a second. When I could see again, I realized that I had tackled Elliot and was now on top of him, pummeling my fists into his face.

Justice in the courtroom no longer concerned me. As far as I saw, my hands could bring more punishment than any jury.

"John! John, stop!" I heard two familiar voices in the back of my head, but I ignored them.

Just as I was about to swing again, I felt two pairs of arms hold mine back. I attempted a struggle, but unlike the trash underneath me, they were strong and fought back, eventually bringing me up to my feet.

I screamed and thrashed around, determined to return and finish what I had started.

"John! Cool it, man! Calm down!" I distinguished my partner's voice just as he shoved me into a wall, like I was the criminal. Slowly, my normal vision returned and my hands no longer vibrated as they had before. My breathing also slowed and the adrenaline rush I had felt before was over. "You all right now?" Fin's arms that had pinned me to the wall had let up on me a little, but not much.

"Yeah," I squeaked, my ribs felling bruised. He instantly dropped my arms and backed away. I turned my back to the wall and slid down it, collapsing into an exhausted heap on the floor.

"Are you okay, John?" Fin sat on his heels, looking me over.

"I'm okay," I attempted to shrug, but I was too sore to do much of anything. Something I had said to Olivia crossed my mind and I gasped. "I gotta see Olivia."

"I wouldn't do that," Fin stopped me from clamoring to my feet. "I think he's still there."

"With Olivia!" My eyes widened and I jumped up, ignoring the pain shooting through my limbs. "That sonofa-"

Fin caught me in his arms and kept me back. "Cragen's there, John. She's fine."

"No," I sighed, my heart feeling like it was going to burst out of my chest because it was beating so fast, "she's not." I locked eyes with Fin. "She was raped."


	3. 3 Stabler

Chapter 3 - Stabler

_**I'm not afraid of anything  
**__**I just need to know that I can breathe  
**__**I don't need much of anything  
**__**But suddenly  
**__**I am small and the world is big  
**__**All around me is fast moving  
**__**Surrounded by so many things  
**__**But suddenly, suddenly…**_

**Stabler**

"Considering the fact that she says you raped her!" Before I could even process what Munch was screaming at me, he lunged at my torso, knocking me to the ground.

Munch starting throwing punch after punch to my unprotected face. Each blow hurt more than the one before it. I wasn't expecting it at all, so I didn't have the sense to cover my face or try and stop John.

Just as I thought I was going to pass out because of all the pain, the punching ceased. Munch started screaming and I heard his furious yells travel down the hallway, slowly becoming further and further away.

I didn't move once the beating had ceased. I just lay on the floor, trying to let what Munch had just said sink in.

"_She says you raped her!"_

_Was that true? Had Olivia actually accused me of raping her_? The very thought of such a thing brought a wave of nausea over me. I had dedicated my life to putting rapists behind bars. Everyday I saw the destruction they left in their paths. The day a thought of doing that crossed my mind was the day I'd put a gun to my head. The only thought more gut wrenching than that was that I'd ever do that to Olivia.

Olivia was like a sister to me. We were best friends, in and out of the station. We put our lives in each other's hands, both literally and figuratively speaking. I knew everything Olivia had been through in her life with her "father" and her mother's alcoholism. I'd never hurt her in any way. I'd never do that to anyone. Yet the question remained. Why had she told Munch that I had?

I slowly picked my head up, wiping my face with his hands. I instantly felt the sticky liquid that was my blood running down my face. Despite the fact that I couldn't really see and had no sense of balance, I somehow got to my feet.

"Take this." I heard a familiar voice command me as a napkin was shoved into my hands. I took the material and ran it over my face. I opened his eyes to find Cragen standing in front of me, his face such a mixture of emotions that I had trouble looking at him without his head pounding. Then again, I found it hard to _stand_ without my head pounding.

Just one look into his eyes told me that Munch had spoken to him.

"Cap, you don't think I…" I couldn't even bring himself to say it. "I would never… You know that, right?"


	4. 4 Cragen

Chapter 4 - Cragen

_**Is everybody going crazy?  
**__**Can anybody tell me what's going on?  
**__**Tell me what's going on  
**__**If you open your eyes  
**__**You'll see that something  
**__**Something is wrong  
**__**Is everybody going crazy?  
**__**Can anybody tell me what's going on?  
**__**Tell me what's going on  
**__**If you open your eyes  
**__**You'll see that something is wrong…**_

**Cragen**

"I would never… You know that, right?"

_Honestly, I have no idea what I know anymore._

I looked from Elliot's bloody pulp of a face to the floor. I felt as if I was physically being pulled apart right down the middle with Olivia on one side of me and Elliot on the other. I knew that Elliot would never rape anyone, much less Olivia. _Right? _But I also knew that Olivia would never accuse anyone of rape unless it was the gospel truth. _Right?_

In the few seconds of silence that we stood there, I could only come up with one possible explanation. One of the two of my best detectives was lying to me.

"Detective Munch?" The door behind me opened and a petite, brunette woman in a lab coat stepped out.

"He's out. I'm Captain Donald Cragen, of SVU." I introduced myself and shook her hand. "What is it?"

"We've finished with the rape kit. She's ready to talk to someone."

I glanced over at Elliot. Already he was forming two black eyes, a swollen lip, and he was holding the napkin over his nose, indicating that he probably had a broken nose.

"Are you okay to drive?"

He nodded, slightly wincing as he did so.

I sighed and glanced around, as if the answer to everything would just jump at me. Normally, had it been anyone else, I'd have him or her brought down to the station. Taking into consideration the fact that I didn't have any detectives that weren't involved in this though, I had to make a tough decision.

"I think it'd be best for everyone if you went home," I spoke in the hardest voice I could muster up at the moment. "And for your own good, stay there." I heard the hollowness in my voice.

"Yeah." He nodded again and judging by the look in his eyes, I wondered if he'd even heard me. As he stumbled off, I tried to shove him out of my thoughts, turning my focus towards Olivia.

"Liv?" I poked my head into Olivia's room. She was sitting on the side of her bed dressed in hospital scrubs. "Are you okay?"

Olivia turned her head to look to me. Her lip was busted and starting to swell, her left eye was swollen as well and turning purple. There were also minor cuts and bruises scattered along her face and arms. She'd obviously put up one hell of a fight. Her face was red and soaked in tears.

She shook her head, venturing a feeble smile right before she burst into tears. I quickly hurried over and sat next to her on the bed, putting my arm around her shoulders. Olivia leaned into my chest, sobbing.

"Shh…" I ran my hand over her hair, trying to soothe her. "It's all right Liv."

"No, it's not!" She rammed her fist into my chest. She was so exhausted though that I barely felt it. "How could he, Don?" She cried into my chest. "How could Elliot do this?"

I blinked repeatedly, attempting to keep the tears from falling that were threatening to.

"Liv, can you tell me what happened?" I hated myself for pushing her like this, but I had to know what happened and I had to hear it from her, not John.

Olivia turned her head so that she could talk without being muffled by my shirt, but also so that she was still leaning against me.

"I was in my apartment sleeping when a noise woke me up, like a door opening. I just sat there, thinking it was nothing. Then I saw a shadow in the doorway of my room. I reached out to get my gun, but it wasn't there. I had left it in the living room." I felt the inside of my chest breaking as I clearly heard the shame in her voice. I could already tell that she blamed herself. "Before I could do anything, he came next to my bed. I yelled and he jumped on me. He grabbed my wrists and held me down." A sob cut off the next thing she was going to say. "I tried to fight him, Don, I tried! But I couldn't! He held me down! He was stronger than me!"

My voice started cracking as I console her. "I know Liv. I know you tried. There wasn't anything you could have done, it's okay." I ran my hand over her head in a caring fashion. "That's good for now, honey."

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, causing Olivia to jump.

"Who is it?" I called out.

"John! Can I come in?"

I turned my gaze from the door to the back of Olivia's head. She was still curled up in my lap. "Can John come in?" She softly nodded. "Yeah," I informed the door.

The white-painted door gingerly opened, revealing a tousled Munch. His clothes were wrinkled, his tie undone, and his collar flipped up. I sensed the exhaustion in his eyes. Fin was right behind him, but he didn't look like he was going to follow Munch.

"Liv? Baby? You all right?" Munch delicately put his hand on her shoulder.

Just as he was doing so, Olivia turned and leaned against him, turning her back to me.

Munch held her like a daughter, rocking her in his arms and whispering soothing things in her ear to help her calm down.

I decided that now would be the best time to talk to Fin and try to figure something out. All the detectives in SVU were like my own kids. I felt like the protector of all of them, set on punishing anything that hurt them. But what was I to do now? _Maybe Fin can help me sort things out._


	5. 5 Tutuola

Chapter 5 - Tutuola

Wow! Oh my gosh you guys are all so nice! You had no idea how much I was sweating the reviews for this. I would have posted more, but I wanted to see the reaction I'd get. I want to thank Katydidit, n14, Lady Padfoot II, viol8dbyalizzard, tri246815, and qt-angel for reviewing. So, here are two more chapters for everyone, Fin and (finally) Olivia.

_**I got a job working for the state  
**__**He did a crime, got some time, oh I'd never thought  
**__**That waiting for the transfer bus to arrive at gate number one  
**__**When it pulled up, he'd step off in cuffs, oh how I fought  
**__**Back the tears as I led him down to cell block three  
**__**He said I know you're just doing your job, as I turned the key  
**__**And just like those football games that we played in  
**_**_There we were on different sides again… _**

**Tutuola**

When John opened the door was when I first saw her. She was sitting on the bed, completely banged up. I silently cursed to myself. _Nobody deserved this, especially Olivia. _I didn't know her whole story – I hadn't been at SVU for more than a few years – but I knew enough to know her life had been pretty rough. I also knew that she was the last person who'd admit it.

As I watched my partner try to comfort her, I thought about how close we all were at SVU. We were like one big family, always there for each other, being incredibly protecting, especially of Olivia. Though you'd never get any of the four of us to admit it, we did attempt to overly shield her. And of course, she was so stubborn that it'd backfire, but we tried.

"Any thoughts?" I was pulled back to reality by the sound of Cragen's voice. He was outside in the hallway with me, the door to Olivia's room closed behind him.

"Aside from the fact that I still don't know if Elliot did it?" I shook my head miserably. "Not one."

Apparently, Cragen wasn't having any better luck trying to sort this out than I was. "Who am I supposed to believe?" He moved his gaze towards the door where Olivia and Munch were.

I thought for a moment before I answered the Captain. "If it had been anyone else who accused Elliot of raping her, what would you do?"

Cragen didn't need more than a minute to dwell on that. "I'd have a hell of a time trying to believe her, but I'd still do my job and investigate."

"And if Olivia claimed she'd been raped by anyone else, then what?"

"I'd do everything in my power to put the bastard in jail."

I shrugged and bit the side of my cheek. "I think the only thing you can do is your job then. Investigate like they're strangers, unbiased."

The Cap didn't seem to be too fond of my suggestion, but he nodded anyway. "Easier said than done, but I suppose that's all I can do."

"So where'd you sent Stabler to?"

"Home. You and Munch were a little busy."

I nodded. To be completely honest, Munch's whole episode had freaked me out. It wasn't hard to see where his favoritism lied, but despite the fact, I'd never seen him attack anyone like that. He was never the physical one. He always stepped back and let the legal system work for him. Even in chases, I'd be the one high-tailing it after the perp on foot while he drove in the car.

I suppose it only showed how much he really cared about Olivia.

"You sure that's such a good idea?" I thought that that would make it real simple for Elliot to run if he was, in fact, guilty.

"Well," the Cap thought about it. "If he runs, it'll just make the answer that much clearer."

"But you don't think he will, do you?" I could see the feeling in his eyes.

"No."

"So should I bring him to the station?"

"Yeah. It won't do much to question him without Olivia's full statement, but I'd rather know where he is, for my peace of mind and hers."

--XXX--

A few minutes later I was standing in front of Elliot's house. I prayed to myself that he'd just come down with me willingly. The last thing I wanted to do was arrest him and end up cuffing him.

I pounded on the door, like I did all the time when dealing with possible perps. "Elliot! Open… up." Before I had even finished calling out to him, Elliot opened the door and stood in front of me, misery filling his expression.

I had to wince at the damage Munch had caused. Purple rings were forming around both of his eyes, he had a fat lip and the area around his nose was bruised, pointing to a broken nose.

"Elliot, Cragen wants you down at the station for questioning."

"Okay." He left it at that as he followed me to the squad car. I was thankful he didn't say anything more, for the main reason that I'd have no idea what to say back.

The two of us sat in silence as I drove back to the station.


	6. 6 Benson

Chapter 6 - Benson

_**I can't stand the pain  
**__**And I can't make it go away  
**__**No I can't stand the pain  
**__**How could this happen to me?  
**__**I've made my mistakes  
**__**Got nowhere to run  
**__**The night goes on  
**__**As I'm fading away  
**__**I'm sick of this life  
**__**I just wanna scream  
**__**How could this happen to me?  
**__**Everybody screaming  
**__**I try to make a sound  
**__**But no one hears me  
**__**I'm slipping off the edge  
**__**I'm hanging by a thread  
**__**I wanna start this over again  
**__**So I try to hold onto  
**__**A time when nothing mattered  
**_**_And I can't explain what happened  
_****_But I can't face the things that I've done_**  
_**No I can't  
**__**How could this happen to me?  
**__**I've made my mistakes  
**__**Got nowhere to run  
**__**The night goes on  
**__**As I'm fading away  
**__**I'm sick of this life  
**__**I just wanna scream  
**__**How could this happen to me?  
**__**I've made my mistakes  
**__**Got nowhere to run  
**__**The night goes on  
**__**As I'm fading away  
**__**I'm sick of this life  
**__**I just wanna scream  
**__**How could this happen to me?**_

**Benson**

_This isn't happening,_ I prayed. _I'm dreaming, that's it. This is just a horrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from._ And even as I thought it, I knew I was awake. The painful and unbearable truth was that I was awake and this was happening. _God… _I sniffed back my tears, inhaling the scent of John's shirt. I buried my face deeper into the folds of his clothes, trying to block out the memories I wanted so badly to be false. I squeezed my eyes shut. As soon as the darkness covered my vision, a picture crossed my mind. It was the same one the haunted my every moment and brought me to me knees in tears.

_I couldn't tell you how long he'd been inside me, how long the agonizing pain had lasted, but I knew it felt like hours. _

_"Stop! Please!" I never felt so degraded, so pathetic that I was begging a rapist to leave me alone. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing. It hurt so much. I remembered learning that you were more likely to escape from an attacker if you responded with anger instead of fear, but I was beyond that. I just wanted my hell to be over._

_I had screamed, kicked, and fought like hell. I'd even tried to throw something out the window next to my bed with the minute hopes that someone would see it. _

_Just as I was about to give in, stop struggling and give up, a light flashed into the room. A car was driving by my window. The light slipped through the blinds. It wasn't much, but it was enough to let me see my rapist's face. I recognized it right away._

_"El!" I can't imagine the horror that must have crossed my face then, for the man lying on top of me, punching me, raping me… was Elliot._

My hands grabbed onto John's blazer, clutching the material in my shaking hands. I subconsciously strengthened my grip.

"It's all right Liv. It's okay." John whispered into my ear. His soothing tone relaxed me somewhat and I released my hands from his shirt. "Liv? Are you ready to go home?"

"No!" I shrieked even at the thought. "I can't go back there! I can't! I can't!"

"Shh, it's okay honey, you don't have to." John ran his hand over my hair, trying to calm me.

"Can I stay with you?" I asked, before even realizing what I was saying. All I was concerned with was how safe I felt in his arms and the promise he had made to me. I knew that if he were with me I'd be protected against anything.

"Sure honey." I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Whatever you want." We just sat on the bed for a few more minutes before John had finally coaxed me into leaving.

As soon as I went to stand, I realized my legs were almost numb and they gave way beneath me. Luckily, John caught me and held me up until the feeling returned. Once I was on my feet, I felt something wrap around my shoulders. I realized John had taken his blazer and jacket off and wrapped them around me. I glanced at him, giving the first smile I managed to muster up all day. I was so grateful for John being there for me. I have no idea what I would have done if it hadn't been for him.

John just met my gaze and smiled, letting me lean on him as we walked out into the night.

--XXX--

**_Thank God that you were by my side  
Last night I thought that I would die  
I had nightmares, I was so scared  
Thank God that you were by my side  
To hold me when I cried  
I wanna be strong  
But I don't wanna be alone tonight  
I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right  
But I'm only human  
And you've got a hero's face  
And right here in your arms is the safest place  
And the safest place  
It feels so real  
You showed me I can trust you  
With emotions I had locked away  
It was your touch, your words  
They healed the deepest part of me  
That only you can see  
I wanna be strong  
But I don't wanna be alone tonight  
I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right  
But I'm only human  
And you've got a hero's face  
And right here in your arms is the safest place  
As long as I am with you  
As long as I can feel you  
That's all I need to keep me going  
On and on and on and on…_**

I was exhausted by the time we finally arrived at John's house. I knew I'd been exhausted all night, but the feeling had only just sunk in.

John led me upstairs into a bedroom. "Can I get anything for you?" He asked, flipping a light switch on, bathing the room in a pale yellow glow. "Something to drink? Something to eat? A shower? Change of clothes?"

I gave a small smile and shook my head. "I'm fine." I looked over the queen bed and dresser and other furniture items in the room. "Where are you going to be?"

"Across the hall." He pointed to a door directly across from where we were standing. "So are you going to be okay?" He looked over the rims of his glasses at me.

I nodded, my eyes traveling over the room again, not quite sure what I was looking for.

"Night Liv." He kissed me on the top of the head again and left, going into the room across the hall.

Attempting to push any and all thoughts out of my head, I slid into the bed, wrapping the comforter around me. My head had barely hit the pillow when I drifted off to sleep.


	7. 7 Munch

Chapter 7 - Munch

Okay, I was going to wait to post anymore chapters, but I got so many reviews I just had to post another chapter! Thanks to LawandorderSVUfan, Krystal Redfield, christopher-meloni-freak, LivElRocks a lot, Katydidit, qt-angel, and viol8dbyalizzard for reviewing, I really appreciate it!And just to answer a question someone asked, this story isn't even close to over. I still have like at least twenty chapters up my sleeves. Maybe more...

_**Somewhere there's a stolen halo  
**__**I used to watch her wear it well  
**__**Everything would shine wherever she would go  
**__**But looking at her now you'd never tell  
**__**Someone ran away with her innocence  
**_**_A memory she can't get out of her head  
_****_And I can only imagine what she's feeling when she's praying_**  
_**Kneeling at the edge of her bed  
**__**And she says take me away  
**__**Then take me farther  
**__**Surround me now  
**__**And hold, hold, hold me like holy water, holy water  
**__**She wants someone to call her angel  
**__**Someone to put the light back in her eyes  
**__**She's looking through the faces  
**__**And unfamiliar places  
**__**She needs someone to hear her when she cries…**_

**Munch**

"Night Liv." I kissed Olivia on the top of the head and went over to the guest room. I had let Olivia sleep in my room because it was the only bedroom with a queen mattress. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

I purposely left the door open as I climbed into the bed. I didn't even bother changing, I just slept in the clothes I'd been wearing for the past twenty hours. I noticed the light green glow of an alarm clock across the room and I caught the time. It was 4:39.

Fatigue over-taking me, I shut my eyes and went to sleep.

--XXX--

"No! Stop, please! Why are you doing this? Stop!"

I shot straight up out of bed, fully awaken to Olivia's whimpering and pleas. Quickly throwing the covers off of me, I ran across the hall to check on her. I flipped the light switch on to find her tangled up in the sheets, pure terror on her face.

"Liv! Liv!" I ran over to her and shook her shoulder, trying to wake her up.

Olivia bolted upright, letting out a scream as she did so.

"Liv, it's just me. You're okay." When she realized what was going on, she immediately latched onto me. She was clawing at my back, desperately attempting to feel some sense of comfort.

"It was just a nightmare, Liv. You're all right." I blinked away the silent tears I started to cry. I loved Olivia like she was my blood relative. Seeing her in this pain killed me.

"I was back there again," she cried. "And he was on top off me…"

"I know Liv. I know." I held her tight against myself as she relived everything again. It only took her a few minutes to calm down this time. Once she was completely cried out, I talked to her.

"Are you okay?" Olivia was sitting with her head against my chest. When she looked up at me, her innocent, big brown eyes made my heart melt.

"Better."

"You want to try and get some sleep? You should be rested up for tomorrow." Olivia slightly winced when I said that. I knew she wasn't looking forward to giving her statement.

"Will you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep?" I heard the pleading in her words and again found it impossible to refuse her.

"Of course." I brushed her brown locks away from her face with my hand.

A few minutes later, Olivia was curled up in the fetal position, her head on my lap, finally asleep. I considered moving her so that I could go back to my bed, but I didn't want to take the risk of waking her up. God knows she was probably not going to get much sleep anyway, what with the night terrors that'd wake her up, and I didn't want to add to that. So I just closed my eyes and fell asleep as I was.

In the next three or four hours that we both tried to get some sleep, Olivia woke up almost every other hour or so in a cold sweat, screaming in fear.

After I had just coaxed her to sleep for the third time that night, I looked at my watch. It was about eight-thirty in the morning. I gently placed a pillow under Olivia's head in place of my lap. Moving slowly, so as not to disturb her, I got out of the bed. Just before I left to take a shower, I stole one more glance at Olivia. Her expression was pained, her mouth open in silent pleas.

Resisting the urge to wake her from the nightmares, I took a quick shower and dressed in my work clothes. Feeling close to collapsing from fatigue, I decided to put a pot of coffee on before checking on Olivia again.

Just as I had poured myself some coffee, I turned around to see Olivia standing in the doorway that led from the kitchen to the dining room. She was leaning her head against the frame, her eyes following me.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty." I took a sip of my coffee as I greeted her. "Coffee?" I held my mug up towards her.

"Sure." She crossed her arms and picked her head up. She looked as tired as I felt. Her hair had that slept-in feel, as did the hospital scrubs she was still wearing.

As I handed her a cup of coffee, I had to bite my tongue to keep from suggesting that we stop by her apartment to pick her up some clothes. I remembered how she had reacted when I even mentioned her apartment last night, and I didn't think anything would have changed over-night.

"What?" Olivia slightly cocked her head as she studied me, realizing I was watching her.

"Need clothes?"

"What?" She smiled and pinched a fold of the blue material of her shirt between her fingers. "You don't like these?"

I just chuckled, putting my coffee mug down. "Seriously. I don't know if you're my size, but I could try and find something for you."

I grinned, glad that I finally got Olivia to laugh. Honestly, I wasn't much when it came to comforting people. I was just the smart-ass that sat in the corner to crack a joke every now and then or went to deal with a perp or suspect. Comedy was the only thing I really had going for me, so I was glad that I could at least lighten the situation somewhat with it.


	8. 8 Tutuola

Chapter 8 - Tutuola

Katydidit, Lady Padfoot II, Anna, qt-angel, LivElRocks a lot, christopher-meloni-freak, nem, and finalfan17, thanks for the reviews! Here are two more chapters to thank you, Tutuola and a short Stabler. And this is the big statement scene, so I hope you enjoy!

_**And I couldn't help her  
**__**Her feelings she hides  
**__**Her dreams she can't find  
**__**She's losing her mind  
**__**She's falling behind  
**__**She can't find her place  
**__**She's losing her faith  
**__**She's fallen from grace  
**__**She all over the place, yeah  
**__**She wants to go home  
**__**But nobody's home  
**__**That's where she lies  
**__**Broken inside  
**__**With no place to go  
**__**No place to go  
**__**To dry her eyes  
**__**Broken inside  
**__**She's lost inside, lost inside  
**__**She's lost inside, lost inside**_

**Tutuola**

"Hey, Tutuola!"

"Un…" I groaned as I heard someone shouting at me, waking me up. After bringing in Elliot to the station, I had crashed up in the crib. "What?" I sat up and glared at whoever had so rudely disturbed my peaceful slumber. It was Cragen. He didn't look very happy.

"Olivia's here. She's going to give her statement." He was standing at the foot of the bed I was in, his hands in his pocket.

"We gotta be in there?" I stood up, ready to go.

"No. John's going to be in there with her. I think we should stand behind the one way so that you can question Elliot afterwards."

"Because you don't want John to do it?" I tried to get him to smile, but it wasn't working.

"I'd like to have a living person to question," he sighed.

"Good point." I followed the Captain back to the Unit.

"So where is she?" I glanced around.

"Over there." He pointed to one room. "And he's over there." He motioned to another room across from the first.

"Let's go," I shrugged, walking over to where Olivia and Munch were. I was not looking forward to this at all.

Olivia was standing across the table from my partner. Her hair fell limp and wet around her face, as if she'd just taken a shower. She was wearing a man's dress shirt that came down way below her waist. The sleeves went over her hands. Every now and then she'd push the light blue material up to her elbows, only to have it fall back down right after. She also had a pair of gray sweat pants on that were about ten sizes too big. They were partially held up by a string tie. I wasn't sure what happened to the two after they left the hospital, but I was sure that the clothes she was wearing belonged to John.

John was sitting in front of a tape recorder and a tablet of paper and pen.

"Okay Liv." He clicked the record button on. "Take your time. You can start whenever."

Olivia took a deep breath before starting. "I was asleep in my bed when a noise woke me up." She shrugged. "I didn't think anything of it though. I just went to go back to sleep."

"Do you know what time this was?" Munch quietly interrupted her. We'd have to know the time frame in which she was attacked to see if Elliot had an alibi.

"Mid-night. Then I saw a shadow in the doorway of my bedroom. It was pitch black, so I couldn't see anything but his outline. I went for my gun, but I realized I had left it in another room." She stopped and turned around, putting her back to the mirror and to Munch. Even though I couldn't see her face, I knew she was starting to cry. "So then I yelled out. I asked him what he wanted, but he didn't say anything. I got out of my bed and tried to run into the bathroom, where my gun was. But he ran after me and grabbed me. Then he threw me onto my bed. I tried to fight back, tried to get away from him, but he held me down anyway. I started screaming and kicking him, and he started punching and kicking me. Then he managed to hold me down while he pulled his pants off, and then mine." Her voice caught in her throat and she paused awhile.

I turned to look at Cragen, to see how he was taking this. He wasn't even facing the two way anymore. His back was against the wall; his face still set in stone, revealing no emotion that I could detect. It was like he was disassociating himself, trying not to hear this. Hearing Olivia's voice again, I turned back.

"Then he was inside of me."

I watched in sympathetic pain as a sob shook her. I wasn't sure how much longer I could listen to this. _Then again, _I thought, _Olivia had to live through this. So I think the least I can do is listen to her._

"He didn't say anything the entire time. He just held me down and hit me if I tried to fight back. Then a car drove by my window. I saw his face."

"Who was it Liv?" John's voice softly egged her on, trying to keep her talking so that she wouldn't get to the point where she was too hysterical to do so.

"It was Elliot…" Her voice faded into another sob.

"Then what happened?"

"Then he finally got off of me and he left the same way he came in."

"When did he leave?" I heard John's voice shaking, almost as if he was seconds away from tears himself.

"About one-thirty." As soon as she had finished, John quickly flipped the tape recorder off and went over to Olivia.

I shifted my gaze towards Cragen. This time, emotion flooded his face. He was almost in tears, something that caught me off guard. I've never seen Don on the brink of crying, about anything.

I wanted to cry, I did. I wanted to feel the pain for Olivia that everyone else was. But I knew I couldn't allow myself to be over-taken by it. I still had to go and question Elliot. Had it been any other situation, I'd have asked Cragen to get someone else. But, I was the only someone who could. So for that, I had to stay composed.

"I'm going to talk to him," I quietly informed the Captain. He just nodded in response, barely signaling he heard me.


	9. 9 Stabler

Chapter 9 - Stabler

**_I never could have seen this coming_**  
_**It seems like my world's falling apart  
**__**I don't know what I should do now  
**__**I don't know where I should go  
**__**I've got no place to go  
**__**I've got nowhere to run  
**__**It's me against the world  
**__**Me against the world  
**__**Now I'm sick of this waiting so come on and take your shot  
**__**You can sit there and judge me  
**__**Say what you want to  
**__**I'm gonna prove them wrong…**_

**Stabler**

As I let my eyes travel over the filing cabinets and other contents of the room I was in, millions of thoughts were buzzing around in my head. The only thing keeping them from over-taking me was the numbing pain I felt in the bridge of my nose. I had never experienced it before, but I knew it was broken. Trying to ignore it, I closed my eyes, allowing different pictures to pass over them.

Olivia laughing, looking so happy…

Then her face changes, looking accusingly at me, her mouth forming one word over and over…

My children, Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth, and Dickie, sitting at the dinner table with me, talking and laughing over take-out…

Munch screaming at me right before tackling me to the ground…

Kathy watching me move my things out of the house after out separation…

Fin at my doorstep, telling me to go with him…

I shook them away, hearing the door open. Fin walked in, a solemn expression on his face.

He turned to me, and we locked gazes on each other. His wasn't accusing, forgiving, understanding, hateful, pitiful, or any other emotion but pain.

I didn't say anything, mainly because I had no idea _what_ to say. Looking at Fin, he seemed to be thinking the same thing. He was leaning against the wall, like he didn't want to be anywhere near me.

He suddenly cleared his throat and quickly got right to the point. "Where were you last night?"

I had to think for a moment before answering. "I was at home. It was my night with my kids."

"So you were sleeping?"

Something clicked in my head abruptly as I thought about last night. "I was, but at about twelve-thirty, Dickie came into my room. He had gotten sick all over his bed. I spent about an hour cleaning it up and getting him back to sleep."

Fin just licked his lips and nodded, studying my face, trying to figure out if I was telling him the truth. "Where are they now?"

"Um, it's the weekend, so they're with Kathy."

He gave me a blank gaze before leaving again.


	10. 10 Cragen

Chapter 10 - Cragen

Thanks to tria246815, viol8dbyalizzard, Lady Padfoot II, Katydidit, qt-angel, christopher-meloni-freak, LawNorderLuver01, Whitney, Anna, nem, and SVUlover for reviewing. And to nem, about the titles and artists of the songs, I'll start putting those on here, but sometimes I take lyrics from like three different songs, so I'll try to put all the titles and artists on that I can. But here's the list for the first nine chapters.

1)Good Charlotte-S.O.S., 2)Eminem-Rock Bottom, 3)Avril Lavigne-How Does It Feel, 4)Simple Plan-Crazy, 5)Jimmy Wayne-Blue and Brown, 6)Simple Plan-Untitled & Leann Rimes-The Safest Place, 7)Big & Rich-Holy Water, 8)Avril Lavigne-Nobody's Home, 9)Simple Plan-Me Against The World

And this song is called Take Me Away, by Avril Lavigne.

**_I feel like I'm all alone  
All by myself I need to get around this  
All the thoughts lead back to you  
Back to what  
Was never said  
Back and forth inside my head  
I can't handle this confusion  
I'm unable…_ **

Cragen

As I stood behind the one way, listening to Elliot and Fin, I painfully recalled Olivia's story. She said the guy came in around mid-night and left at one-thirty. So if what Elliot said was true, he had an alibi and there's be no way that it could have been him. _Then that would mean that Olivia was lying._

I could only push that thought out of my head and focus on the facts at hand. Now we had to either confirm or dispute what Elliot was saying. I watched Fin step out of the room.

"So what do you think?" I asked him.

"Well," he stood nest to me with his arms folded, looking at Elliot. "It's pretty convenient that he has an alibi right in the middle of the time frame she was attacked."

"But as far as we know, he has no idea what time she was attacked."

"So either it was him and he's making the whole thing up…" Fin started, letting me finish the thought.

"Or he's telling the truth and it wasn't him." I sighed. "Talk to his kids, see if they confirm his story."

"Okay. Do you want me to bring John too?"

I shook my head. "He's in the crib with Olivia. I'll go with you."

"Okay." Tutuola didn't object, but I heard the surprise in his voice. I was even a little perplexed by my offer. I had never really gone out and done any actual hands-on detective work before. _Now that I think about it though, I never thought I'd be in this situation before either. Guess there really is a first time for everything._

--XXX--

Five minutes later, Fin and I were standing in front of Elliot's ex-wife's house. I knocked on the door, hoping that everyone was up by now.

"Hold on!" I heard Kathy's voice call out, followed by a clattering noise and someone shrieking. Kathy yelled something and the noise faded out. "Can I help you?" She emerged in the doorway, wearing faded jeans and a plain white T-shirt, throwing a dishtowel over her shoulder. "Hi Don." She gave me a polite smile as she shook my hand. Quickly though, it was gone. "Oh my God. Is this about Elliot? Did something happen? Is he okay?" Her expression changed to a look of fear.

"Elliot's fine. He's down at the station," I assured her.

"Oh thank God." She sighed and put her hand over her chest, relief crossing her face.

"Actually, Ms…" Fin, who was standing right beside me, started, not sure what to call her.

"Kathy." She shook his hand as well, correcting him. "Call me Kathy."

"I'm Detective Tutuola, I work with Elliot. We were just wondering if we could speak with your kids for a moment." _So much for friendly chitchat,_ I sighed to myself.

"What? Why?"

I felt Fin's gaze on me, signaling that he wanted me to explain. I decided the partial truth would be the best thing. "Elliot's involved in an investigation. He said that his kids were with him last night."

"Well, yeah." She nodded, as if clearing her head. "Last night was his night with them. They spent the night at his house." She looked back and forth from me to Fin, trying to read our faces. "What did he do?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out. It may be nothing, but we just wanted to check with them, to see if they could help us sort this mess out." I tried to smile at her. I didn't want to spread around the complete reason we were there, because I didn't want to create any trouble if Elliot, in fact, turned out to be innocent.

"Sure. If it'll help you." She stepped back and ushered us inside. "Do you need to talk to all of them?"

"Yeah. Separately if at all possible," Fin answered her.

"Okay."

"Hey Mom, who's here?" A voice came from the kitchen, followed by Maureen, Elliot's oldest daughter.

"Maureen, this is Captain Cragen and Detective Tutuola." Kathy put her hands on her daughter's shoulders and led her over to where we were standing. "They just want to ask you a few questions."

"About what?" She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, watching us uncomfortably.

"You spent last night with your father, right?" Fin jumped right in on the questions.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Why? Did something happen?"

"We just need to know if he was with you guys all night."

"Um," she bit her lip and thought for a moment, "yeah. He was with us all night. We all went to bed around eleven."

"Did you hear anything last night? Like maybe someone getting up and moving around or something?"

"Yeah." She nodded again. "Someone walked by my room and woke me up in the middle of the night. I got up and saw my dad getting towels from the bathroom. I asked him what he was doing and he said that Dickie had gotten sick. Then he told me to go back to bed."

"Do you remember what time this was?" Fin already had his notepad out, scribbling things down.

"I remember looking at the clock on the wall before I went back to sleep. It was about twelve forty-five."

I looked over at Fin and we met each other's gazes for a moment. So far, it looked like Elliot's alibi was going to check out.

--XXX--

As we questioned each of the other kids, Kathleen, Dickie, and Elizabeth, they each produced the same story. Dickie had gotten sick around mid-night and Elliot was tending to him all night after that.

"Thank you for your help Kathy." I shook her hand as Fin and I were showing ourselves out.

"Of course. I hope everything's okay."

I just smiled and continued walking. "Me too."

Walking back to the car, Fin and I were silent. I knew we were both processing what we had just heard.

_So there it is,_ I sighed_. Elliot has an alibi. There was no way he could have attacked Olivia unless she had the time frame wrong. But surely she couldn't possibly have it wrong, could she?_ I doubted it. _So that leaves just one answer,_ I had to admit to myself. _It wasn't Elliot…_


	11. 11 Tutuola

Chapter 11 - Tutuola

Song lyrics from Together by Avril Lavigne.

_Something just isn't right  
I can feel it inside  
The truth isn't far behind me  
You can't deny…_

Tutuola

"That is a load of bull!" Munch snapped as he pounded his fist on his desk, making me jump. He rose to his feet. "He must have coached them or something!" I reeled back from his words, the fury in his face and voice catching me off guard. His face was scarlet red and the vein in his neck was throbbing. I had just told him about our conversations with Elliot's kids.

"John! Calm down!" There was an on-edge sharpness in Cragen's tone as he yelled at my partner. "He didn't coach them."

"How do you know that?" He glared at the Captain. "He's obviously capable of it!" He got up close to Cragen, his face only a few inches away from his. "He knew we'd be checking him for an alibi, so he got them to say one for him!"

Cragen's jaw barely moved as he spoke, his face turning red as well. "I suggest that you lower your voice and get a reality check! As soon as he heard about what had happened, he dropped his kids off with Kathy around three-thirty in the morning. He wouldn't have been able to sneak out until one-thirty, come back, coach them, and be here at the hospital by four!"

"So you're saying you believe him over Liv!" Munch wasn't backing down.

"I'm saying…" He lost his voice and confidence. "I'm saying… I have no idea!" He threw his hands up and spun around, getting some distance between himself and John.

All of us jumped as the phone started ringing. Exasperation and anger written all over his face, Cragen picked the phone up. "Hello!" He demanded before he had calmed down. "I mean, hello, Captain Cragen," he quickly changed his tone. "Thank you." He hung the phone up, taking a deep breath before he spoke. "Fin?" He turned to me with an expression I couldn't decipher. "Prove one of us wrong."

"What are you taking about Cap?"

"That was the lab. The rape kit was positive."

I slid off of the desk I was sitting on. "You want me to get a blood sample from Elliot?"

He rolled his eyes and shouted at me. "No! I want you to stand there staring at me with your thumb up your ass! Yes I want a blood sample!" He quickly stormed passed me, huffing into his office and slamming the door behind him, leaving me feeling two feet tall.

I turned to my partner, to see his expression. His reaction appeared the same, obviously flustered and unsure what to do now.

Knowing what I had to do, I went to the interrogation room Elliot was in. I assumed that he'd be asleep, because he hadn't slept in God knows how long. Much to my amazement though, he was still awake, only on the verge of unconsciousness. His head hung limp from his shoulders, unable to muster the strength to hold it up. He looked out of the corner of his eye up at me, waiting for me to speak.

"We talked to your kids," I started out. "They confirmed what you said." I let my gaze study him, like it would help me understand things. I paused, giving him time to respond. When he didn't take advantage of it, I decided to just ask, making a mental note that his answer would point to either his innocence or guilt. "The rape kit was positive. I can have a doctor down here in ten minutes." For a split moment, he paused, and I actually thought he was going to refuse.

He picked his head up and hastily shoved his shirtsleeve up, holding his arm out on the table, the inside facing upwards. "Okay." At that moment, I realized that there was no possible way that he could have done this.


	12. 12 Benson

Chapter 12 - Benson

Song lyrics by Evanescence, My Immortal

****

My words are cold  
I don't want them to hurt you  
If I show you  
I don't think you'd understand  
'Cause no one understands  
I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
And I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But you're still with me  
'Cause you still have a hold over me…

Benson

_"Detective Benson, this is my partner Detective Stabler." I introduced my badge to the officer securing the alley. "What do we have?" I walked up to the crime scene, through the yellow tape with Elliot next to me. _

The officer at the scene brought us to the body. "White, mid-thirties female, naked from the waist down. That's why we called you."

"Any other signs of rape?"

"You tell me." He walked over to the white sheet covering the body. In one swift motion, he yanked it off. As it billowed up, it completely covered the officer. When it came down, he was gone.

I twirled around, trying to see where he went. All I saw was darkness surrounding me. There were no people, anywhere. Even the alley was gone. It was just the three of us floating in the middle of darkness. Just as I was about to cry out for help, I heard a voice.

"Hey Olivia! Check this out!" Elliot beckoned me towards the body. I wanted to scream, to ask him where everything was, but I didn't. Instead I walked towards the body, like some unseen force drew me to it. My feet simply walked on air, nothing holding me there as I closed the gap between my partner and myself.

"Look." Elliot pointed to her face. I leaned over to get a better look, and I realized that she was lying on her back, but her head was facing backwards, like someone twisted her neck. I didn't know what possessed me, but suddenly I got to my knees and placed my hands on the sides of her head. Ignoring the crunching bones and sound of nerves and arteries ripping and snapping, I turned her head towards me. Once I saw her face, I started screaming and dropped the head. I jumped back onto my feet and started backing away.

The face was my own. My own cold, lifeless, brown eyes were staring back at me.

"So Liv," Elliot turned his head up towards me, an evil laugh escaping him, "what do you think?"

I bolted upright, a scream escaping me. Gasping for breath, I looked around, trying to remember where I was. As my eyes traveled over the cots and bunk beds adorned with gray sheets, I realized I was in the crib at the station.

My breath finally returning, I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my shins, resting my head on my knees. I shook my head, trying to dislodge the dream I'd been having.

"You're up." I snapped my head up and saw John standing in the doorway of the room.

"Yeah." I slightly rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair, which was still slightly wet from my shower. I wiped my hand on my, well, John's, shirt in an attempt to get the moisture off.

"Another dream?"

"Nightmare," I corrected him, blankly staring at the wall in front of me. When he was silent, I decided to ask him something I'd been wondering ever since I had stumbled into his apartment the previous night. "Do you believe me?"

John looked at me like he thought he must have heard me wrong. "What?"

"Do you believe me?" I repeated, swinging my legs over the edge of the cot, letting my feet brush the floor as my gaze shifted from the wall to Munch.

"Of course," he replied without hesitating. "Of course I believe you."

I just stared at him, both of us unmoving. His look was so comical, such a mix of confusion and worry and uncertainty, that I felt a little smile creep across my face. "So what are you doing here?"

He shrugged, like it was nothing. "Walking around."

"Checking on me?" I gave him an all-knowing glance as I stood up with my arms folded. Feeling the sweatpants I was wearing start to slide down my hips, I quickly uncrossed my arms and clutched the gray fabric in one hand.

Being quite the observant one, John noticed and I saw the question forming in his eyes. Unable to stop him in time, he asked me what we'd both been avoiding all day, for my sake more than his.

"Why don't we go to your apartment and get you some clothes?" Though I knew his heart was in the right place, I hated him for bringing that up.

"I'm not going there," I said sharply, feeling my words slice through the tenseness of the situation. "So you can just stop trying to talk me into it right now." I felt my hands cut the air defensively. In an attempt to end the conversation there, I walked past him and into the hallway.

"Olivia," I groaned mentally as I heard John following me, "I understand what you're going through, but-"

"No!" I spun around yelled at my unsuspecting co-worker. He stopped in mid-step, taken aback by my sudden eruption. "Don't tell me that you 'understand'!" The volume of my voice began escalating along with my rage.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach, I knew that John's statement was an innocent one, but that still didn't extinguish the flames in my eyes. No one_ understood_, and I didn't need them throwing that line at me.

"You have no idea what I've been through!" As I screamed, my voice started threatening to betray me.

John's face twisted in anguish and he reached his arm out to me, clearly in an attempt to apologize and try and console me. "Liv, I-"

"Don't!" I threw my arm down, hitting only air when I was aiming for his arm. "He raped _me_!" I pulled my hands up to my chest, reiterating the point. "And you have no idea what it feels like!" I heard my voice quivering and felt my eyes begin to water. Seeing the look on John's face, like I'd just slapped him, only made my tears run faster.

Guilt and pain over-taking me, I turned on my heels and started running down the hall. I saw faces and felt my arms brush by people as I ran, but I ignored them, only concerned with gaining as much distance as my legs could grant me.


	13. 13 Munch

Chapter 13 - Munch

Wow! Everyone, thanks for the reviews! Let's see... nem, Katydidit, viol8dbyalizzard, Mika Tsuki, Lady Padfoot II, qt-angel, christopher-meloni-freak, LawandorderSVUfan, LivElRocks a lot, angelbabii07, CincyRedsAllTheWay05, LandofShadows, volleylover4523, and stablerchic14.  
And about your suggestion with the lyrics Katydidit, I understand what you mean when you say you just skip over them, that's what I do most of the time when other people put lyrics in their stories. But I think I'll just leave them like they are because they aren't really that important to the story (I just like finding songs to match the chapters) and I don't want to interrupt the story with them. But, since I get the feeling you don't like it, I will un-bold them, make them easier to ignore. ;) Thanks for the suggestion though.  
And, just because I got so many reviews (I love you guys!) I'll post three chapters again, Munch, special appearance by Novak, and Cragen.

Lyrics by Emerson Drive - Fall Into Me

I need you to know you can fall into me  
That my arms are wide open  
And will always be  
Right here waiting, staying strong  
Come fall into me  
I'd follow any road  
Anywhere to get to you  
I'll open up my soul  
If that's what you need me to do…

**Munch**

_"And you have no idea what it feels like!"_

Olivia's words were still ringing in my head as she made a mad dash in the opposite direction. My instincts were screaming at me to follow her, but I shook them off. She'd made it all too clear that she didn't want anything to do with me right now. Guilt churning in my stomach, I remained stationary while I thought about what to do.

Just as I began contemplating my options, I heard a familiar voice. "Hey John." I turned to see the Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak walking towards me. She was dressed in a black pinstripe skirt suit, her briefcase in hand. "I think I just saw Olivia running down the hall." She pointed to the direction Liv had taken off in. "Is something wrong?"

Incredulity flashed in my eyes before I realized that she had no idea of events that had taken place over the past twenty-four hours. _Twenty-four hours,_ I sighed. _It's felt like a hell of a lot longer than that._

Casey frowned at my silence as I wondered if I should tell her. Apparently, Cragen had kept everything really quiet if even she didn't know. _Besides, who am I to go around telling people Olivia's personal business? Still, she'll probably find out anyway, and maybe she can talk to Olivia._

"I need your help," I pleaded.

"With what?" She raised an eyebrow at me, I assumed about how much I was beating around the bush.

"I think we need to talk somewhere more private."

--XXX---

"Okay, now what's going on?" Casey leaned her back against her desk and eyed me up. We were in her office and I still wasn't sure I should be doing this.

"It's about Olivia." I shifted my weight nervously from one foot to another. "I don't know if I should be telling you this, but she won't talk to me."

She gave me a little chuckle. "She won't talk to you? That's not really anything new." I realized she'd taken my last statement wrong. She thought my whole problem was that Olivia wouldn't talk to me.

"No." I shook my head and turned away, pretending like I was interested in something at the side of the room. "Olivia was… I mean she was…"

Casey cocked her head to the side and looked at me, confusion still covering her face as she stood straight up. "She was what, John?"

I faced her and sighed, mustering up the courage to tell her. "She was raped last night."

The color instantly drained from her face and she fell back into her swivel chair. It looked like those five words had knocked the wind out of her.

"Oh my God." Her eyes scanned her desk, but she wasn't looking for anything. "Is she okay?"

"Physically speaking, yes." I sat down in one of the chairs across from her desk. "Emotionally… Well that's why I'm talking to you."

"Wait," I almost heard something click in her head. "You mean she's here?"

I nodded and started explaining. "She gave her statement a little while ago and she was in the crib sleeping."

"Well what happened?" She looked at me, still dazed.

"I'm still not sure," I sighed. "I just know that the last person she wants to talk to is me."

"And you want me to talk to her?"

"I just want to make sure she's okay."

"Where'd she go?"

I bit my lip. "The last time I saw her she was running down the hallway."

"Well we have to find her." She stood up decisively and went to her office door.

"I think there's something you should know first," I stopped her.

"What?"

"She says it was Elliot."

"What do you mean?" The innocence about her made me wish I didn't have to tell her, but I knew that it would come up and my hiding it would only worsen the revealing.

"She says it was Elliot who raped her."


	14. 14 Novak

Chapter 14 - Novak

Lyrics by Good Charlotte - Hold On

_This world, this world is cold  
But you don't, you don't have to go  
You're feeling sad  
You're feeling lonely  
This pain you cannot bear  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
You're days, you say they're way too long  
And your nights, you can't sleep at all, hold on  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for  
But you don't want to no more  
Hold on if you feel like letting go  
Hold on it gets better than you know  
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer  
Don't stop searching, it's not over  
Hold on…_

**Novak**

"Olivia?" As I made my way down the hallway, my heels were clicking against the tile. I ducked into a room, searching for Olivia. I still couldn't find her. _Not to say that I'd want to found if I was in her situation._

It had taken me a good five minutes for my normal breathing to return once John had dropped that bombshell on me. While I was on the verge of hyperventilating, he'd told me everything that had happened so far in the case. I was still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of charging Elliot with rape.

I tried to force the idea out of my head again as I stood in front of a woman's restroom. There wasn't anything I could do until DNA came back anyway.

I slowly pushed the door open, but that didn't prevent it from creaking on its hinges. "Olivia?" To my thankful surprise, the detective was standing in front of a sink, her hands clutching the rim, propping her up. She lifted her head up and looked at me through the mirror. She had a black eye and small cuts that were almost invisible covered her face. I didn't say anything, but everything I wanted to must have been written all over my face.

"John sent you." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah," I nodded. "He just wanted to make sure you were okay." I stepped into the white tiled room and let the door swing shut behind me.

She chewed at her lower lip as she turned around to face me. "I didn't mean to blow up at him like that." I saw a pang of guilt face across her eyes as she spoke.

"It's John," I pointed out to her. "He's probably quite used to it by now."

She smiled, seeing the truth in what I said. "Good point."

I remained silent, unsure what to say or do next. "So how are you doing?" I knew it was a stupid question the moment it left my mouth, but I was too late to stop myself.

"Not great." She gave a half-hearted shrug and a defeated expression. Though I thought that she'd respond by snapping me off, I could tell that she was too exhausted to start anything again.

"You look like you could use some sleep," I observed out loud.

"That obvious, huh?"

I looked at my watch; it was almost one. Suddenly an offer formed in my head. "You know, I have a guest bedroom. My apartment's not much, but you could stay with me as long as you needed."

Olivia paused, and I could see the wheels turning in her head. I knew she wanted to be polite and decline, saying she couldn't impose, and I assumed that she wanted to _accept _my offer just as much.

"Believe me, it's no trouble at all. I could even drive you over there now if you want. I can take a lunch break." As I watched her expressions change with everything I said, I wondered if maybe I had sounded desperate or something that would cause her to change her mind.

Her shoulders sighed as she crossed her arms. "Are you sure I won't be in the way?"

"Please, I'm barely there myself. Did you drive here?"

She shook her head. "My car's at John's. I drove it there after…" Her voice trailed off and she didn't finish her statement.

"Wanna stop by and get it?"

"Sure."

--XXX---

"This is my humble abode," I said as I spread my arms out to the side and walked to the center of my living room in a dramatic fashion. I dropped my briefcase on a table and slid my coat off my shoulders.

"Beautiful," she responded unenthusiastically.

"Okay, so it's not that great," I conceded jokingly. "But it's better than a cardboard box on the side of the road."

"I'm sorry," she apologized with no emotion.

"It's fine," I assured her, hanging my coat on the coat rack by the front door. "I think I have some pajamas that'd fit you if you want." I started walking into my bedroom and heard Olivia follow me.

"I'd love," she remarked.

After shuffling through my dresser, I finally found the pajamas. "Here." I smiled and handed them to her. "I'll give you the tour. This is my bedroom," I pointed out the obvious as we walked out. "Here's the bathroom," I flicked a switch on and bathed the small bathroom in a pale light. I pointed out a few things to her. "Towels in there," the cupboards under the sink, " and shampoo, conditioner there," the medicine cabinet next to the mirror.

I looked at Olivia, half of my body still leaning in the doorway. "You can take a shower whenever, but be warned, the hot water goes out quickly."

Flipping the switch back off, I pulled my head out of the way and closed the door.

"And here's the guest bedroom." I led Olivia into a small room adorned with a twin bed, a small dresser, a nightstand, and a lamp in the corner. I caught a glance of the alarm clock on the nightstand and give an inaudible gasp. It'd been almost two hours since I had run into John. "I gotta go." Slipping out of the room and past Olivia, I yanked my coat off of the hanger, almost ripping it in the process. "Bye!" I called over my shoulder as I ran out of the apartment.

Not even halfway down the hall, I realized that I'd left my briefcase on the coffee table. Cursing my forgetfulness, I did a one-eighty.

It took me mere seconds to make my way back into my apartment. Once my leather briefcase was clutched in my hand, I heard a noise coming from the bathroom. I saw the light illuminating from the crack under the door, and I knew Olivia must be in there. The noise was soft, making it difficult to identify at first. My concern outweighing all else, I crept closer until I finally realized what it was. The sound was Olivia's quiet sobs.

"Hey?" My knuckles carefully rapped against the door as I whispered. "Are you all right?"

The sobs instantly subsided at the sound of my voice. "I'm fine." I could still hear the tears on her voice, and I knew her words weren't to assure me. They were a plea to be left alone.

"Okay." Respecting her wishes, I brought my hand down from the door and continued back to the office.


	15. 15 Cragen

Chapter 15 - Cragen

I just wanted to add a little, um... warning onto this chapter. Orginally, it was going to be a special appearance by Huang, but I realized trying to get in the mind of a psychiatrist would be going in way over my head. So, I've just got Cragen talking to him. Now for the warning. I have absolutely no idea what I'mtalking about when it comes to this, so this is really just my imagination working in Cragen and Huang's conversation, no actual facts or anything. Just my pathetic attempt at pretending, so don't take it too seriously...

Lyrics by Jimmy Wayne - The Rabbit

The coffee's still sittin' in the pot  
His temper's hot  
And she knows he's just lookin' for a reason  
As he comes stormin' down the hall  
She wishin' there was a hole to crawl into  
But there isn't…

**Cragen**

As I stared at the commercial sized tub of Red Vines sitting on my desk, I became lost in my own torrent of thoughts. It was only the day after Olivia had given her statement, and I was no closer to figuring anything out than I had been then.

There was a strict ASAP put on the DNA tests we were having done, but it would still be later this afternoon when they came back. I didn't need them though to know what they would say. In my mind, I could no longer question Elliot's innocence. Everything had cleared him of any possibility of being anywhere near the attack. Well, everything aside from what Olivia claimed.

Finding out that she was, as much as I can't believe it myself, _lying_, was more of a blow than having to accuse Elliot of rape. But the thought that refused to allow me any silence was _why had she lied?_ Her statement had me completely believing her, even as I played the tape again and again. She obviously believed herself, because she'd never have been that convincing had it been an outright lie.

I knew enough to know when something was out of my league. That's why I had called George Huang in. He was the physiologist and one to turn to for this type of thing. It took myself a bit of persuading myself to tell him though because I wanted to keep all of this as concealed as possible. I could keep the list of those who knew the events of the past 72 hours on one hand and if it were my choice, it'd remain at that.

"Thanks for coming," I casually greeted Huang as he appeared in my doorway.

"Sure." He gave a slight nod of his head as he entered my office, reflexively closing the door behind him.

"Did Fin tell you everything?" I had asked my detective to fill him in on everything he needed to know, just because I didn't want to. I was really heavily relying on Fin lately and I knew it. I didn't like having to lay all of the responsibility on one man, but he was the only person capable of working on this aside from myself.

"Yeah." He sat down across from me, a professional, collected expression on his face.

"Is there anything you can tell me that doesn't have to do with Olivia lying?" I jumped right in.

"What makes you so sure she's not?" Though it was an innocuous question, asked only for informational purposes, I felt myself taking offense.

"Because this doesn't sound like a woman trying to purposefully destroy her partner." I leaned over and pushed the play button on the old tape recorder sitting in the middle of the clutter on my desk.

It made a static noise before rolling the tape. Olivia's voice came on first._"I was asleep in my bed when a noise woke me up. I didn't think anything of it though. I just went to go back to sleep."_

_"Do you know what time this was?" _Munch's voice interrupted her_."Mid-night. Then I saw a shadow in the doorway of my bedroom. It was pitch black, so I couldn't see anything but his outline. I went for my gun, but I realized I had left it in another room."_ There was a pause before Olivia's tearful voice came back. _"So then I yelled out. I asked him what he wanted, but he didn't say anything. I got out of my bed and tried to run into the bathroom, where my gun was. But he ran after me and grabbed me. Then he threw me onto my bed. I tried to fight back, tried to get away from him, but he held me down anyway. I started screaming and kicking him, and he started punching and kicking me. Then he managed to hold me down while he pulled his pants off, and then mine."_ There was another long pause after her voice trailed off. _"Then he was inside of me."_ There was a small sob from Olivia. _"He didn't say anything the entire time. He just held me down and hit me if I tried to fight back. Then a car drove by my window. I saw his face." _

_"Who was it Liv?"_ John's voice softly came on.

_"It was Elliot…"_ Her voice faded into another sob.

_"Then what happened?"_

_"Then he finally got off of me and he left the same way he came in."_

_"When did he leave?"_

_"About one-thirty."_

A soft click signaled that the tape was over. I reached out and pushed down the stop button. I studied Huang's face, almost hearing the wheels in his head spinning.

"So what do you think?"

"Well," he debated with himself. "She obviously believes it was him."

_Well thank you for that little burst of inspiration._ "But I think the DNA's going to contradict her."

He mulled that over a minute or so before answering. "Just because someone believes that something is so, doesn't mean that it is."

"Meaning that she's telling the truth?"

"Meaning that she's telling you _her_ truth."

"But why would she think that it was Elliot if it wasn't?" I stood up and walked over to the side of my desk and sat down there.

"There could be a couple reasons. The person could have almost brainwashed her."

"Brainwashed her?"

"He could have purposefully done or said something, or he could have done something without knowing that sparked a memory of Elliot in her mind."

"So she was subconsciously brainwashed?" I found that a stretch.

"Or, there could be a really simple explanation."

"And that is?"

He shrugged. "The guy looked like Elliot."

"So we're looking for an Elliot look-alike?"

"Maybe. What I _can_ tell you for is that the guy you're looking for is probably has the typical domestic abuser profile."

"Why do you say that?"

"Did you hear her description of the guy? She tried to fight and he just beat her into submission. He wants control of women. He'd probably just been turned down by his girlfriend or got into a fight with her so he takes it out on her."

As I listened to Huang, I realized that I'd never looked at the guy beating her. Yet as I did, what he was saying made sense.

--XXX---

"You wanted to talk to me Cap?" Fin poked his head into my office.

"Yeah." I beckoned him in with my hand. "Close the door."

"What is it?" He stood in front of my desk with his hands in his pocket. I could sense the slight worry in his expression. It was a look that adorned the faces of most of the detectives I'd call into my office without a reason.

"I wanted to discuss Olivia's case without Munch knowing about it."

"That's probably best," he remarked, the worry evaporating.

"I talked to Huang. He said that the perp probably has a domestic abuser profile and a violent past."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you don't think it was El anymore?" I shook my head. "And Huang say why she'd lie?" I repeated the conversation I'd had just a few minutes ago.

Once I had just finished talking about the perp being turned down by his girlfriend, a look of understanding flashed through the detective's eyes. "So you want to go around her apartment and see if we can find anyone that happens to resemble Elliot?"

I nodded, impressed that he'd just read my mind. "But I think we should wait until the DNA comes back." As if on cue, the phone in my office. "Captain Cragen," I answered. After a minute of listening to the voice on the other end, I thanked them and hung up.

"DNA?" Fin asked.

I answered his question with a question. "You want to tell John?"


	16. 16 Munch

Chapter 16 - Munch

Geez, you guys need no pushing to review! Again, you just blow me away! Thank you so muchfor the reviews nem, Lady Padfoot II, Katydidit, qt-angel, asjkid, Sadie13, Southrn Bell, LivElRocks a lot, boredsvunut, LawandorderSVUfan, Shellster, Howdy yall, stablerchic14, volleylover, and christopher-meloni-freak.  
There's just a few reviews I want to respond to. First, nem, you are so welcome for the titles. I wouldn't even be writing this if it weren't for all the reviews I get, so any suggestion or questions are always welcome! I just love reading them!  
And to boredsvunut, I'm sorry you don't think Casey was in character. I guess I see what you mean. I'm not all that familiar with Casey yet. I watch SVU mainly on USA and they were showing episodes from the seasons with Alex in it latelyand I suppose I know more about her. I'm just trying to keep everyone in character, both with the show and the plot of this story. So thanks for the feedback and I'll keep that in mind.  
While I'm thinking about that, I just want to let everyone know that in this chapter and chaper 18, Olivia will probably seem like, really out of character, but she'll be back to normal further along the story.  
Oh, and just in case you didn't catch that, I am going to post three more chapters, but I think this is going to be the last triple post I do for a while. I have to start catching up on my writing so that I can still update once a day like I've been doing. Well, here's Munch (And the moment of truth...), Tutuola, and Cragen.

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Thank You

_I thought that I could always count on you  
I thought that nothing could come between us two  
We said as long as we would stick together  
We'd be alright  
We'd be okay  
But I was stupid  
And you broke me down  
I'll never be the same again  
So thank you for showing me  
That best friends cannot be trusted  
And thank you for lying to me  
Your friendship, the good times we had  
You can have them back  
I wonder why it always has to hurt  
For every lesson that you have to learn  
I won't forget what you did to me  
How you showed me things I wish I'd never see  
But I was stupid  
And you broke me down  
I'll never be the same again  
So thank you for showing me  
That best friends cannot be trusted  
And thank you for lying to me  
Your friendship, the good times we had  
You can have them back  
So thank you - For lying to me  
So thank you - For all the times you let me down  
So thank you - For lying to me  
So thank you - Your friendship you can have it back_

**Munch**

"Hey John." Fin stepped out of Cragen's office and slowly crept towards me.

"I'm not a ticking time bomb or anything," I pointed out to him. "I won't blow up on you."

"That's yet to be seen..." He muttered under his breath, still keeping his distance from me.

"What is it?" I was becoming impatient with his hesitance.

"Warner got the results from Elliot's DNA and the rape kit."

"And..?"

He paused for a moment. "And they didn't match. It wasn't Elliot."

I just sat there, like a deer in the headlights, not fully understanding what I'd just heard. Once the reality of everything sat in, my mind began racing. Of course, the first thing to pop into my head was that the results had been tampered with, or that Fin was lying, any crazy idea that would mean I didn't have to believe that Olivia had lied to me. But, that couldn't be true either.

Olivia would never lie about being raped. But, then again, would she lie about _who_? She couldn't. She wouldn't. Even if she did lie on purpose, why would she blame Elliot? They were best friends. Sometimes I'd even wondered if they were more. Maybe her rapist scared her into blaming Elliot? No, no one could scare Olivia into anything, especially wrongfully accusing her partner of rape. There had to be some sort of explanation... But what..?

"Oh no..." Fin's voice brought me back to the present.

"What?" I turned around and watched as Olivia walked through the squad room doors. "Olivia? What are you doing here?" She was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that fit her a lot better than the clothes I had given her.

She shrugged as her hands slipped into her pockets. "I needed to get out. This is where I come to get away from things."

"How about we go out somewhere and talk?" I suggested, trying to get her out of the station as quickly as I could.

She opened her mouth to answer, but Olivia was cut off by the sound of a door creaking open. The three of us turned to see Cragen walking out of a questioning room. I froze my gaze on Olivia as I realized who would be following.

Cragen noticed all eyes on him and he immediately turned to Olivia, startled by her presence. What happened next played out as if in slow motion.

Cragen paused and, a moment too late, turned around to stop Elliot from leaving the room.

Olivia noticed everyone's reactions right away and her eyes traveled to the door as well. Her slight confusion instantaneously changed once she caught sight of the battered Elliot. A fleeting look of fear passed over her face before her features quickly hardened into pure anger, fury, and hatred.

Elliot's swollen eyes nervously surveyed the surrounding scene, an unidentifiable look on his face once he had noticed Olivia.

"What are you doing?" Though her eyes were boring into Elliot, like she was looking right through him, I wasn't sure to whom her cold, whispering voice was aimed.

Again, Elliot's eyes scanned through the office, showing fear at the sound of Olivia's voice. I decided that I should say something.

"Liv," I whispered in a soothing tone, "we did DNA tests. It wasn't Elliot." I took a cautionary step towards her.

Her eyes glossed over as she clenched her teeth together. By the lack of changes in her appearance, I doubted if she'd even heard what I had just told her.

Taking Olivia's temporary paralysis as a chance to prevent anything from escalating and blowing up, Cragen put his hand on Elliot's back and began ushering him towards a back door.

"You sonofabitch!" In a flash, Olivia took a running lunge at Elliot, pinning him on his stomach. I quickly jumped after her. Before she could throw any punches or cause any more damage to the limp figure underneath her, I wrapped my arms around Olivia, yanking her away. She was screaming and struggling as I dragged her over to an interrogation room, striving to keep my arm lock on her.

I gently shoved her into the room, still screaming and fighting. Shutting the door behind me, I caught a glance of Elliot. He was lying on the ground, unmoving. A puddle of blood was forming around his face. Cragen and Fin were on their knees, trying to help him as best they could.

"Sonofabitch!" I yanked the door closed the rest of the way and ducked as a folder containing a bunch of loose-leaf papers was hurled at my head.

"Olivia! Stop!" I put my arms in front of my face as I ducked through the onslaught of papers and folders Olivia was hurling at me. It took a minute, but eventually I managed to get to her. I grabbed her wrists and twisted them behind her back, like I was going to handcuff her. "Calm down!" I hugged her to my chest, squeezing her tighter as she continued fighting.

Slowly, I practically felt the anger seep away from her until she was almost limp in my arms. She was panting and a sheen of sweat was forming on her forehead.

"Are you okay now?" I picked my arms up, gingerly moving them a few inches off of her, but still close enough to grab her again if she went off.

"Yeah." She pushed away from me, wiping her forehead with her sleeve. Standing in the corner of the room, amidst the whirlwind of papers scattered everywhere, she had a blank stare on her face, lost in thought.

Though I was worried about Liv, I couldn't get Elliot out of my head long enough to reassure her. Leaving her in the blank daze she was in, I maneuvered through the litter on the ground to get back to the door. As I was opening it, I heard the sirens coming towards the station.

_Oh my God, they called a bus for Elliot._ I shoved the door open and looked at the scene in horror.

The puddle of blood around Elliot's face had only grown, so much so that even I knew it was too great an amount for a human body to handle losing. Cragen and Fin were standing off to the side as the paramedics went over to Elliot. They both had fearful looks on their faces as they watched on. It was only minutes, but felt hours, before they had put him on a stretcher. As they wheeled him out, a voice broke the silence.

"Can you go with him?" It was Cragen. He was nudging Fin to go with the paramedics to the hospital.

"Yeah." Still dazed, he managed to stumble after them.

Cragen was drenched in dark red blood. His knees from where he'd been kneeling next to Elliot, his chest, and his hands were all covered. The blood on the ground was starting to seep into the crevices of the tiles and spread like cracks in a windshield.

I heard a shuffling behind me and saw Olivia staring at everything. I could see the reality of what she'd done sinking in. She backed away from Cragen and mine's stares, a mix of confusion and guilt on her face as her eyes began watering.

"B-But why..? Let him go…" She managed to stutter a few words out. I knew exactly what she was asking.

"It wasn't him Liv." I took small steps towards Olivia as she was backing away. It seemed like every time I took a step forward, she took two backwards. "Your rape kit was positive, but it didn't match his DNA. He had an alibi Liv. It wasn't him."

Olivia looked at me like an animal cornered, bewilderment covering every inch of her. Her eyes turned to the pool of red liquid only a few feet away from her. "W-What did I do..?"


	17. 17 Tutuola

Chapter 17 - Tutuola

Lyrics by SheDaisy - Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing & Martina McBride - Love's The Only House

**_Life is funny  
Life's a mess  
Sometimes a curse  
Sometimes a blessing  
Don't worry 'bout a thing  
Don't worry 'bout it  
Life is sticky  
Life can bruise  
Sometimes you win  
Sometimes you're losing  
No matter what it brings  
Don't worry 'bout a thing  
And all I can say is love's the only house big enough for all the pain in the world  
Love's the only house big enough for all the pain  
And I can't explain it  
And I can't understand  
The pain's gotta go someplace, so come on down to my house  
Don't you know that love's the only house big enough for all the pain in the world?  
Love's the only house big enough for all the pain…_**

Tutuola

"Sir? What happened?" As I hustled after the stretcher, one of the paramedics called after me.

"He was tackled from behind. His face hit the floor." They folded the gurney's wheels and put him into the back of the bus. I jumped in after them.

"But that doesn't account for all this bruising and his shattered nose." One of the female paramedics looked up from Elliot to me.

"A few days ago he got into a fight," I stretched, "I think his nose was broken."

"And he didn't go to the hospital?"

I shrugged, feeling guilty under her stare. "No."

She started calling out medical things to the other people around her that I couldn't have for the life of me understood. Someone accidentally shoved me, catching me off guard. I quickly shuffled over to the corner of the bus, trying to get out of their way.

Just looking at Elliot make my stomach churn. His face was barely recognizable anymore. This whole situation was just so unfair and wrong in so many ways. This was ripping SVU apart at the seams. Elliot had done nothing, absolutely nothing, and yet here he was being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.

I didn't blame Olivia though. She'd been through so much… Whether I was right or wrong in my thinking, I didn't know, but I wasn't going to dwell on it.

About five or ten minutes later, we finally pulled into the emergency room drop off. As soon as the doors were opened, I hopped out, my legs almost giving way beneath me.

Once I was steady, I glanced up just in time to see them rushing Elliot away. I knew enough to know that all I could do was sit in the waiting room. At first I went to sit down, but I quickly changed my mind once I caught sight of the stains on my clothes. Everything I was wearing was covered in Elliot's blood. Slightly nauseous, I just restlessly paced back and forth.

--XXX---

"Detective Tutuola?" A nurse walked into the waiting room as her eyes scanned everyone.

"Is Elliot okay?" I rushed up towards her.

"Yes, hon," she gave me a reassuring smile and put her well-manicured hand on my arm. "Mr. Stabler's doing fine. He's in the ICU recovering. He's awake if you'd like to talk to him." I nodded and she led me down to his room.

"Mr. Stabler?" She knocked on the open door to get Elliot's attention before going into the room. "You have a guest." She turned around, and giving me one last smile, hurried off.

"Hey Fin." Elliot's quiet and pained voice pulled me over to the side of the bed.

"Hey El." I had to resist the impulse to flinch as I looked Elliot over. His previous bruises that had been caused by John had begun to fade, but now they were just as obvious as before, maybe more so, and a bandage covered his nose. He was wearing a hospital gown and a thin blue hospital blanket covered his waist down.

"That bad huh?" He uncomfortably shifted his weight around as he spoke.

"That's gotta hurt," I lamely pointed out.

"You know," he gave as much of a shrug as his position would allow, "only when I breathe." As if making his point, he took a deep breath, the constriction obvious.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Um," he shut his eyes as he began thought. "The last thing I remember is Cragen leading me out of the questioning room. What happened?"

"Olivia was there. She saw you and flipped. She tackled you from behind."

"Oh my God," his eyes widened and he made a slight attempt at sitting up. "Is she okay?"

I raised my eyebrow at him in confusion. "I guess so," I shrugged.

"What's wrong?" Elliot read my face like a book.

"I'm not hearing the anger I was expecting."

"Anger?" This time, _he_ seemed puzzled. "Angry about what?"

"The fact that Olivia could have killed you." As I listened to myself, I realized that seeing Elliot's condition had made my opinion about blaming Olivia had changed. John had told her that it wasn't Elliot, and she still jumped him. It didn't make sense. _Then again, nothing in my line of work ever does._

"She's just upset. She wasn't thinking clearly." I opened my mouth to argue, but Elliot's stare quickly shut me up. It was obvious that I'd never change his opinion, and I didn't want to stress him out trying.

The noise of a door creaking open caught my attention and I turn my neck so that I was looking over my shoulder towards the door. The man walking in seemed to be in his forties. He was wearing a white lab coat over his suit, signaling that he was the doctor.

"Can I help you?" He gave me a genuine smile as he held a clipboard in his hands.

"I'm just seeing how Elliot's doing." I nodded towards the bed.

"Well," he thumbed through the numerous papers on his clipboard until he found what he was looking for. "Everything looks pretty good considering." He went over to the equipment that Elliot was hooked up to. I recognized some of them as a heart rate machine, IV drip, and a blood pressure machine.

"So is he going to be okay?"

"I'm fine," Elliot interrupted, annoyed that we were talking as if he wasn't there.

"How's his condition?"

"He's stable, all his vitals look good," he pressed a few buttons on a machine. "He just has a shattered nose, slightly obstructed airway, all things that should be fine in a few days."

"So we can he go?"

"Although he's okay right now, I'm still worried that he might have a skull fracture. So I want to keep him a few days, just until the swelling goes down enough that we can get a clear x-ray."

"Skull fracture?" I didn't like the sound of that.

"Oh, don't worry," he noticed the concern in my question and reassured me. "There's only a small chance that there's one, and even if there is, it shouldn't be more than hairline."

"Oh." I nodded, pretending if I knew what he was talking about. Noticing that Elliot was unusually quiet, I glanced back over to the hospital bed. Elliot was sound asleep, snoring noisily. "Is he okay?" I pointed to the unmoving figure and raised an eyebrow. He had fallen asleep pretty suddenly and really quietly.

The doctor gave a slight frown and pulled a read-out from one of the machines. As he glanced over the strip of paper, his face cleared. "He's fine. It's just the meds we've given him." I felt the doctor's eyes land on me, watching me looking at Elliot. "He's probably going to be drifting in and out of sleep for the rest of the day. You don't have to stay. We'll have round the clock nurses on him."

"I think I'll just stay until he wakes up again, if that's okay."

"Of course, Detective." The doctor smiled again and slid the clipboard under his arm. "Stay as long as you wish." Nodding his head politely, he left the room.

Giving Elliot one last glance, just to see if his condition had changed in those five seconds, I pulled my phone out and hit the speed dial.

After four rings, the other end finally picked up. "Cragen?"

"It's me," I said, knowing he'd recognize my voice.

"How's Elliot?" If I wasn't mistaken, I could have sworn he was panting into the phone, like he was out of breath.

"He's in the ICU recovering. The doc said he's got a 'shattered nose and slightly obstructed airway.' " I could hear the confusion in my voice and decided to elaborate in my own words. "He's busted up pretty bad, all black and blue. And he's wheezing. They said that he's okay, but they're going to keep in the hospital a couple days until the swelling goes down so that they can make sure he doesn't have a skull fracture."

I heard Cragen curse under his breath once I said skull fracture. "Where are you now?"

"I'm in the room with him." A loud snoring noise came from Elliot as he tossed in the bed, still asleep. I slightly lowered my voice. "I talked to him, but he's asleep now. Doc said he's going to be in and out of it all day."

"What did Elliot say?"

I pondered over where to start before answering him. "The last thing he remembered was you taking him out of the interrogation room. I filled the rest in for him and the first thing he asked was if Olivia was okay."

In the silence that followed, I could sense that we were both only now realizing the type of person Elliot was, completely selfless and caring. Olivia had accused him of raping her and landed him in the hospital with a possible skull fracture, and all he cared about was if she was okay. I knew he was a good person, but those feelings were incredible to me.

I coughed into the phone, clearing my throat. "So, how is she?"

"Hysterical with guilt. John and I are still trying to coax her out of the corner of the room."


	18. 18 Cragen

Chapter 18 - Cragen

Lyrics by Ryan Cabrera - On the Way Down

_I'm sick and tired of this world  
There's no more air  
Tripping over myself  
Going nowhere  
Waiting  
Suffocating  
No direction  
I took a dive  
And on the way down  
I saw you  
And you saved me from myself  
And I won't forget the way you loved me  
On the way down  
I almost fell right through  
But I held on to you  
I was so afraid  
Of going under  
But now the weight of the world  
Feels like nothing, no nothing  
I took a dive  
And on the way down  
I saw you  
And you saved me from myself  
And I won't forget the way you loved me  
On the way down  
I almost fell right through  
But I held on to you…_

**Cragen**

"John and I are still trying to coax her out of the corner of the room." Even as I said it, I could hear John's easing voice and Olivia's tortured sobs.

"Do you want me to come back?" Fin asked, assuming my description was just imaginative. Little did he know I was being all too truthful.

I shook my head and, realizing that I was on the phone, answered. "No. I think John's the only one who can do this. He seems to be the only one she really trusts."

"Okay. Elliot's up. I'm gonna go, I'll keep you updated if anything happens."

"Thanks." I hung up the phone and hurried back out to Olivia and John. Their positions hadn't changed from when I had left. Olivia was still curled into the fetal position, her back to the wall. And John was still on his knees in front of her, creeping towards her so slowly that he didn't appear to be moving at all.

From John's body language, I sensed that he knew I was back. He didn't move his eyes from Olivia though, as if she might vanish if he did.

I stood next to John and carefully bent my aging knees so that I was level with him. I whispered into his ear so that Olivia couldn't hear me. After I was done, I gingerly make myself vertical again.

"Liv, honey. It's okay." John spoke softly, just loud enough that he could be heard. "Elliot's okay."

"It's all my fault," she moaned. "I just thought it was him…" She hit her knees with her clenched fists. "I can't believe I'm so stupid!"

"Liv, Liv?" John repeated her name until she finally looked at him. "Honey, no one blames you. We just want to help. I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"Elliot blames me…" Tears streamed down her face as she wrapped her arms around her knees and squeezed as tight as she could. "I hurt him…" She looked over to the puddle of blood on the ground. I didn't want to call anyone to clean it up until Olivia was okay.

"Elliot is okay. He's in the hospital, but he's fine. You didn't hurt him." John moved forward, but she pulled back from him, her eyes clouding over as she took in what he was saying. "He's worried about you, Liv." He nodded up towards me. "We all are." John's words almost brought tears to my eyes.

That seemed to break through to Olivia. A kind of stunned look crossed her face before she jumped away from the wall and into John's arms.

"I didn't mean too…" She sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, Liv." John pulled himself onto his feet, dragging Olivia with him. "I know."

Though it took a while of soothing words and gentle shoving, John finally managed to get Olivia out of the station. I had no idea where they were going, and I didn't ask. I simply assumed he was taking her to his house and I took the time to go to the hospital to see Elliot.

--XXX--

"Hey Cap." Fin faced me as soon as I pushed the door to the hospital room open.

"Hey." I closed the door behind me, not even looking at the bed at first.

"Just one big party in here, huh?" Elliot's moving figure and scratchy voice turned me towards the bed in surprise. By Fin's description on the phone, I'd assumed he'd be unconscious.

"You know me," I joked right back, "always gotta be near the action." I smiled and walked up next to Fin, staring down at Elliot.

Elliot smiled, but I realized he must have been in too much pain to even risk a chuckle.

"How you feeling?" I glanced at the machinery surrounding Elliot.

"Okay." He shrugged, wincing as he did so.

"You're normally a pretty good liar." I raised my eyebrow at him.

"I'm telling you, I'm fine." His tone more than subtly suggested that I drop that line of questioning. "Wait." A thought seemed to have occurred to him. "Who's with Olivia? Is she okay?"

"John is. And she's fine." Before I could ask again if he was all right – I was determined to get him to slip up and tell me the truth – a nurse walked in the room. From the warm way she greeted Fin, I assumed that they'd met before.

"Hi Detective." She smiled and nodded her head at Fin. "Someone's here to see you."

"You sure they aren't here to see Elliot?" Fin spoke as if there was no possible way that anyone would be here to see him.

"No." She shook her head, her smile unabashed. "In fact, they asked me to have you meet them outside. A nice couple, actually," she nodded, thinking back to the figures outside. "She seemed very upset though. Crying about how she didn't want to be here." For the first time that day, the nurse gave what was an inch away from being able to be called a frown.

Fin and I looked at each other at the exact same moment once she was finished. We both knew exactly who was in the hallway, but I could hardly believe it. After Olivia's emotional falling-out back at the station, this was the last place in the world I'd think Munch would take her.

While I stifled my frustration, Fin hid his confusion and we turned back to Elliot. There was a small balloon of hope in the pit of my stomach that he had fallen unconscious again and hadn't heard the description of Fin's guests. Elliot's voice broke through it like a pin.

"Who's here?" The broken detective's eyelids were warily drooping, as if threatening sleep upon him at any moment. The small part of his eyes that I could see, though, appeared glossed over, a side effect of the pain medication he was being given through an IV.

I probably could have told him it was the president and first lady and it wouldn't have gotten an effect from him, but that wasn't going through my mind as I quickly tried to come up with a lie.

"It's probably a rape vic I was interviewing before I came here." Fin voice slashed through the half-concocted thoughts running through my head. I quickly hid my surprise from the zombie-like Elliot by turning to my other detective.

At first, I thought that Fin was being serious, because after all, he didn't see Olivia. He'd have no reason to hide it from Elliot.

My conscious was quickly cleared with one look from Fin. As amazing as it seemed, one glance had told me more in a second than words could have. He had no idea why he was lying. Fin could simply read my expression and sense that it was necessary. That's one of the things about my team that I would never trade for anything – our uncanny ability to read each other's mind, like best friends do.

"Okay." Elliot's head lulled to the side, pointing his face away from us. We took that as our cue to leave.

Sure enough, the first face I saw was that of Olivia's. There were dried tear stains on her pained face as she tried pulling away from John, who had his arms around her, keeping her stationary.

"No…" Olivia cried. "Let me go! I don't want to! He's gonna hate me!" She was so focused on John and trying to struggle away from him, that she was oblivious to our presence.

"John!" I yelled in a frustrated warning tone. "What are you doing?"

He looked at me, trying to keep his gentle grip on Olivia, which was becoming more and more difficult for him to do. "I brought her to see Elliot."

"No!" Olivia jerked her arms back and caught John off balance, almost pulling both of them to the floor.

"Olivia, please." John's voice was a mixture of pleading, confusion, and exhaustion. Appearing as if all other tactic sources were depleted, he suddenly burst out. "Elliot loves you, all right? We all do and we all know that what you did was an accident." He pulled the now unmoving, slightly confused Olivia towards him, staring at her with his face inches from hers. "If you won't go see him for me, then do it for him. He's worried, not angry."


	19. 19 Stabler

Chapter 19 - Stabler

First off, much love to Delila07, qt-angel, christopher-meloni-freak, Katydidit, Southrn Bell, Lady Padfoot II, Krystal Redfield, Shellster, georgesgurl117, LivElRocks a lot, viol8dbyalizzard, Mika Tsuki, LawandorderSVUfan, and finalfan17 for updating. Your reviews are the fuel that keeps the fire in this story burning!  
Now to answer some questions, that thing with John at the end of the last chapter, "He loves you Liv, we all do," that was strictly like family love, no brewing OE romance. Well, maybe not yet... I suppose I'll have to see where the story takes me. ;) But again, no. As of right now there isn't any OE.  
I got some mixed reviews on whether Olivia was in character or not, but that's okay. I love knowing what you guys think. So like I said before, I can't keep triple posting, so here are two more chapters. a really, really, really short Stabler (it doesn't even deserve to be called a chapter, I warn you now), and a pretty long Munch to make up for it. And there is a much awaited cliff hanger at the end of it. Keep reading and you'll see what I mean. ;)

Lyrics by Jennifer Lopez feat. Fat Joe - Hold You Down

You don't know how much you mean to me  
Whenever you down  
You know that you can lean on me  
No matter the situation  
Boy, I'm gon' hold you down  
You don't know how much you mean to me  
Whenever you down  
You know that you can lean on me  
No matter the situation  
Girl, I'm gon' hold you down  
Ain't nothing has changed  
Not a damn thing, baby…

**Stabler**

As I lay on the bed, I let my eyes roll around the room, looking everything over. I'd been in a hospital a few times before, because mine was a dangerous job. So nothing was really new to me. That wasn't to say, of course, that I couldn't have done without the thin, almost sheer, paper nightgown and annoying IV sticking out of my arm.

I had to give it up for the doctors though, whatever pain meds they were giving me were really knocking me out. I let my eyelids droop and began letting the quiet beeping of my heart rate monitor lull me off again.

Just as I felt sleep over-taking me, a loud knocking noise quickly pushed it away.

"Yeah!" I half-grumbled, half-moaned at the door as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. Instinctively, I reached my hands up and started rubbing my eyes, something I normally always did after first waking up. As soon as I touched my face, I sucked in a huge breath of air to prevent myself from screaming. I hadn't seen my face since John had attacked me, and I really didn't have to in order to know the damage that had been caused. _Mental note,_ I thought to myself, _don't do that again, it hurts._

Attempting to ignore the throbbing pain that was coming back to my face, I turned to the door, waiting to see if it was another nurse to check my vitals. When nothing happened in the next few minutes, I called out again. "Come in!" Slowly, in an almost creepy way, the door moved forward, as if the person behind it was really hesitating. My face twisted into confusion, sending more pain shooting through it. I resisted the urge to show any more emotion as I impatiently listened to the door's hinges squeak in slow motion.

Once it was finally open, I stared into the face of someone who, though I normally saw everyday, was the last one I'd expect.

"Liv?" Guiltily, the first thought that ran through my mind was that she looked horrible. She had a black eye that was starting to fade and other cuts and bruises that were hardly visible. That wasn't what I first noticed though. The first thing that hit my heart was her expression. Her eyes were red and puffy – she'd been crying, and seemed on the verge of doing so again. I immediately was able to read the emotions in my partner's eyes. She was scared, hesitant, and worried, none of which I'd ever seen in her eyes before, and definitely didn't want to now. I opened my mouth to talk, but she beat me to it.

"I-I shouldn't be here," she stuttered, awkwardly backing up.

"Liv, wait!" I reached my hand out, as if subconsciously trying to pull her back towards me. "It's okay." I felt my arm fall back down as we locked eyes for a moment. Her eyes slightly traveled over my face before they began watering.

"I'm sorry…" She began apologizing and the next thing I realized, she was sitting on the side of the bed in tears as I held her in my arms, reassuring her. "It's okay Liv. I'm fine." I struggled to keep my voice from cracking and revealing the tears that were starting to slide down my cheeks as I held Olivia's shaking frame.


	20. 20 Munch

Chapter 20 - Munch

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Shut Up

_Try to tell me what I shouldn't do  
You should know by now I won't listen to you  
So shut up, shut up, shut up  
Don't wanna hear it  
Get out, get out, get out  
Get out of my way  
Step up, step up, step up  
You'll never stop me  
Nothing you say today  
Is gonna bring me down  
Don't tell me who I should be  
And don't try to tell me what's right for me  
Don't tell me what I should do  
I don't want to waste my time  
I'll watch you fade away  
So shut up, shut up, shut up  
Don't wanna hear it  
Get out, get out, get out  
Get out of my way  
Step up, step up, step up  
You'll never stop me…_

**Munch**

I could still feel the eyes of my partner and captain boring into me long after Olivia had gone into Elliot's room. I knew they thought I was insane for bringing her in here and talking her into seeing him, but I didn't care. I did what I thought was best. _Or at least, what I think I thought was best._ I was still unsure if I did the right thing. I supposed my reasoning had a lot to do with the guilt I was feeling and the guilt Olivia was expressing. No matter what, the damage, assuming there was any, was already done.

"You think something's wrong? She's been in there awhile." I was pulled from my thoughts by Fin's voice. I started to answer, but quickly stopped once I realized he wasn't talking to me, but Cragen. I quietly sighed as I went to face them again. The slight accusation in his voice was all too obvious to me.

Cragen stared at the door, appearing to be studying it. A look of uncertainty settled on his frowning face as he made a decision. He was completely silent as his hand wrapped around the doorknob and pulled.

Just as quiet, Fin and I followed in one after the other with me pulling up the rear. As the three of us filed into the room, our stares instantly focused on the bed.

Elliot was on his back, fast asleep, with Olivia next to him, lying on her side, facing us, asleep as well. Her head was against his chest, slowly rising and falling with each breath Elliot took. His arms were around her shoulders, as if protecting her. Something neither of us was able to do the night she was attacked.

Watching the scene in front of me, my stomach twisted into knots – knots of guilt.

I felt guilt for accusing Elliot, for attacking him, for yelling at anyone that got in my way, for having to doubt Olivia, for dragging her here, and for not being able to prevent this from happening in the first place. It may not have been rational, that's the last thing adjective anyone would use to describe me anyway, but I felt like this was my fault. Not just Elliot being in the hospital, but everything. All I could think was that _this is all my fault._

"Come on John. You can't blame yourself for this." My eyes were torn away from Elliot and Olivia by the sound of Fin's voice. "It's not your fault."

For a moment, I stared at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look. It was like he'd just read my mind. Though we thought alike, I don't think he'd ever been able to pinpoint what I was thinking.

"Since when did you become a psychic?" I joked, as if I hadn't just slipped up a second ago and shown him a vulnerable side of me. I quickly built up my comedic wall again.

"How long have I been your partner?" He raised an eyebrow in that creepy way I'd grown so accustomed to.

"Too long…" I sighed, turning my gaze back to Olivia's placid face. This was the first time she seemed so peaceful and composed since she stumbled into my house at two in the morning a few days ago.

"You guys up to working?" Cragen turned to us, his hands in his pocket and authority written all over his face.

Fin and I first looked at Cragen, listening as he spoke. Once he was finished, we glanced at each other. One moment of reading each other's faces and we both turned back and nodded.

Fifteen minutes later, my partner and I were already at Olivia's apartment building. I wasn't sure how much luck we'd have finding anything out, but no one could have been more determined than me.

"Where should we start?" Fin wondered aloud as we bounded up the front steps.

"Her apartment," I flatly stated. As we continued, I steadily increased my pace until I was almost flying over the stairs and floor. Once we finally got to her apartment, Fin was trailing behind, slightly panting from having to keep up with me. Normally, he probably would have yelled at me with some smart-ass comment, but today he said nothing.

"You think it's unlocked?" He breathlessly asked me.

_No,_ I answered sarcastically in my head. _Even after someone broke into her apartment and raped her, Olivia still managed to lock her front door before she left._ Instead of saying my thoughts, I bit my tongue and responded by twisting the knob and effortlessly shoving the door open.

--XXX--

After a good half-hour or so of searching through Olivia's apartment, we didn't really find anything. I'd noticed blood on her bed sheets and an image of her face covered in those cuts flashed in my mind. I'm not sure what I was expecting to find really, a three by five snapshot of the guy and a written confession? We already had the guy's DNA. That was a lot more than we would have had in most cases.

"D'you find anything?" Fin and I met in the living room.

I shook my head. "Other than dusting for prints on the doorknob, I don't think we're going to find anything."

Fin's eyebrows suddenly scrunched up in thought, like he'd just been hit with the realization of something.

"What?" I had barely gotten the word in before he took off towards the front door. I quickly high-tailed it after him, not sure how far we were going. Luckily, he stopped in the hallway, right outside the doorway. "What is it?" I repeated.

"The doorknob." He pushed the door back far enough so that he could get to the front. Sitting on the back of his heels as he squat down, he looked at the keyhole in the center of the cheap gold-colored knob. "I knew it!" He announced triumphantly.

"What?" I leaned over, almost laying my chin on his shoulder as I stared at it, trying to see what he saw. "What do you see?"

"Nothing," he half-smiled.

"I knew you were too tired to think straight," I breathed, rising back up.

"Think about," he ordered me. "You know Olivia would always lock her door, considering," he started.

"Yeah," I shrugged, still indifferent and not putting two and two together.

Fin rolled his eyes and stood back up. "So how'd he get in?"

I instantly knew where he was going with this, but I still didn't see the big deal. "He picked the lock or something," I shrugged. "It's not that hard."

"That's what I thought." He pointed back at the doorknob. "But this lock hasn't been picked. It hasn't even been touched."

"Then how'd he get in?" I didn't even bother to question him. He knew a lot more about that kind of stuff then I did.

"How do you get in your house after you lock the front door?" He folded his arms and glared at me

"A key." It clicked instantaneously. "He had a key to her apartment."

Fin nodded and an obvious look crossed his face. "Glad to see you're still sharp."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," I said in a warning tone, knowing full well that I was the last person Fin would ever be scared of.

"Right, so who would have a key to her apartment?" We both needed only seconds to answer that.

"The super," we said in unison.

"So where to first?" Fin followed me as I started walking down the hall.

"To see if we have any witnesses." I knocked on the door of the apartment next to Olivia's. "Hello! Is anyone home?"

"Who is it?" The door opened a few inches and was suddenly halted by a sliding lock, leaving enough room to reveal a young woman on the other side. Her blonde hair lay on her shoulders in curls around her deeply tanned face. She had to be in her early twenties, if that.

"Detective Munch and Tutuola with the New York City Police." I flashed my badge at her. "We just want to ask you a few questions about an assault that took place in this building a few days ago."

"Ah, sure." Flustered, she closed the door and I heard the sound of metal scraping as she unlocked her door and opened it again. "Come in."

Her apartment was completely bare. There was a small love seat in the middle of the living room, facing a TV set propped up on a brown cardboard moving box. Everything else was in matching boxes, like she's just moved in.

"I'm sorry there's really no place to sit," she waved her arm around, "but I just moved in a week ago and things have been really hectic."

"Did you just put that lock on your door?" Fin was admiring the door.

"Yeah." She nodded, sending her blonde hair bouncing. "I didn't think I needed it, but I met the woman in the next apartment over. Olivia, I think her name was. She saw me in the hallway when I first moved in and helped me with some of my boxes. We got to talking and she told me she was a cop and said I should get another lock for my door. Can't be to careful, right?" She smiled, her personality bubbling.

_I just wish Olivia would have followed her own advice,_ I sighed to myself.

"Were you here on Tuesday night?" I pulled my note pad out.

She thought a moment before answering. "No." She blushed. "I was at my boyfriend's."

"Between mid-night and two?" Fin asked her.

She nodded, confirming the fact that she couldn't have heard anything. "Is that all?" She turned to me, as if wanting to be of more help.

"That's all," I smiled politely. "Thanks for your help." Just as I turned to leave, another question came to mind. "Actually, there is something else. Do you know where we could find the superintendent?"

"Yeah." She smiled and leaned out into the hallway and pointed. "Right at the end of the hallway. The last door on right."

Fin and I thanked her and let ourselves out.

"Pretty convenient," I remarked once the girl was out of earshot.

"Let's go visit Mr. Superintendent," Fin suggested.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" It took me only seconds to fly over to the apartment room door that we'd been directed to. When no one answered, I placed my ear against the door, straining to hear if anyone was inside. Sure enough, I heard shuffling around inside. "NYPD!" I growled. "Open up!"

"John!" Fin hissed at me. "It's not like we're arresting anyone!"

"Not yet," I retaliated, knocking at the door again.

"Hold on please!" A woman's pleading voice came from inside the apartment, freezing my hand in mid-air. I turned to Fin, confusion on my face. I suddenly heard metallic noises followed by the creaking of the door opening. "Hello?" I found myself standing face to face with a woman in her thirties with a black eye, leaning on a pair of crutches. "Can I help you?"

"Hi, we're with the New York City Police." Fin politely greeted her while I remained silent and somewhat in shock. "We're looking for the superintendent of this building."

"That's me, Molly Bates," a look of uncertainty across her face still. "Can I help you?" She repeated, flipping her dark brunette hair out of her face. "Wait, is this about Brent? Did you find that sonofabitch?" She demanded, anger piercing her every word.

"Who's Brent?" I asked her, coming out of my temporary coma.

She rolled her tongue under her bottom lip, obviously becoming very aggravated and annoyed by us. "So you're not here about him," she groaned. When she was only met by silence, she spoke again. "The bastard _was_ my boyfriend."

"What happened?" Fin asked her.

She scoffed, as if she thought he didn't really care. "This happened." She motioned to her leg and black eye. "We come here after dinner this past Tuesday and he starts making a move on me. I tell him no, and he flips. Sonofabitch starts throwing me against the wall like a rag doll. After he got bored of beating the crap out of me, he ran off."

"When did he leave?" A memory of Fin telling me that Huang said he'd have an abuser profile came to my mind immediately.

"I don't know. I was unconscious about five minutes into it. When I came to, my wallet and keys were missing."

"Your keys?" I repeated. "Keys to what?"

"My car, my apartment, my job-"

"Your master key to all the rooms?" Fin interrupted her. He was on the exact same path as I was.

She nodded. "Now the bastard's still out there somewhere. The police never found him. I'm having security cameras installed at all the entrances and hallways tomorrow, police suggestion."

"Is this him?" Fin picked a picture frame off of the coffee table right next to the door.

"Yeah. I was just getting around to burning those."

"Do you mind if we take this with us?"

"Go ahead."

Fin glanced from the picture up to me, his face pale. He handed the frame to me.

As soon as I looked down, I felt my face lose all color as well. On the left was Molly, all smiles, with her arm arounda man who easily could have been Elliot's twin.


	21. 21 Stabler

Chapter 21 - Stabler

Oh my gosh! I have now offically gotten over 100 reviews for this story! I am so happy that you guys all like this so much! Thanks to Katydidit, nem, volleylover, SouthrnBelle, Skat8erchick1435, LivElRocks a lot, Raisin, qt-angel, viol8dbyalizzard, christopher-meloni-freak, LawandorderSVUfan, SVUchik18, Bloody Mina, and Mika Tsuki for the reviews.  
Like nem suggested, I finally got the TV Guide with SVU on the cover and oh my gosh! I loved it! If you like SVU, this is a must read. The highlights of it - they both admit that fans want Benson and Stabler together "bad," they admit to doing it twice (jokingly of course), and Mariska said she's not leaving the show until she gets to make-out with Christopher.  
Speaking of which, I cannot wait until September 20 when the new season of SVU airs!  
I know, I know, you all hate cliffhangers. But at least you know I'll update every day! Now I got so many reviews about Olivia and Elliot and them making up, or not, that I had to rewrite this chapter like a million times before I was finally satisfied with it. So I worked forever on this, and I finally have the final cut. This is without a doubt my favorite chapter so far, so I hope you guys like it too. And, by the way, I'm only posting one chapter today. Don't worry though, I felt so guilty that I made it really long. And I added another twist with Brent. You didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you? ;)  
And just in case not everyone's figured it out yet, I don't own SVU. And I don't own any of the other shows or companyswhose names will be brought up in this chapter later on, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Golden Girls, Trading Spaces, TV Land, Bravo, or Lifetime.

Lyrics by Emerson Drive - I See Heaven

And I barely remember falling asleep  
But the minute I open my eyes  
Every dream comes true  
When I look at you  
I see heaven  
I see an angel  
Lying here next to me  
Bring out the best in me  
Heart's in tangles  
Wrapped in forever  
This close together  
Me holding you  
You holding me  
You open my eyes  
Baby I see heaven  
I reach up to open the window  
Let the cool air dance it's way through  
The sun and the sky is so blindly bright  
But it doesn't compare to you  
Girl I'm lost in time  
As I watch you shine  
I see heaven  
I see an angel  
Lying here next to me…

**Stabler**

I slowly blinked my eyes open, my blurry vision starting to clear as I woke up. I brought my left hand to my face, shading my eyes from the blinding sunlight that was pouring through the blinds of the window. It took only a minute for me to remember where I was.

Suddenly, I felt movement next to me. I froze and looked down. I was at once calmed when I recognized who it was. Olivia's head was on my chest as she peacefully slept next to me. After Olivia had came in to see me, we must have fallen asleep. I read the clock next to the bed and saw that it was about 7:00 am.

A yawn suddenly escaped me as I stretched my arms above my head, careful not to disturb Olivia. She must have felt me move though, because she suddenly started moving, trying to get comfortable. I remained unmoving until she stopped, finally finding a new position.

As I studied her face, I realized that she didn't look so peaceful anymore. Her brows were scrunched up and there was fear in her expression. She turned her head and a stray lock of her light brunette hair suddenly fell in her face. I gingerly pushed it back, and I felt a strange pang in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was physical, so I sensed it was emotional. Watching her, I suddenly knew what it was. Seeing what this had done to her, I felt… _pity_ for her. I instantly berated myself for even letting that thought cross my mind. Olivia was the proudest person I had ever met. She thrived on the respect she'd spent her life earning from people. The day anyone pitied her was the day she'd hang up her badge.

I quickly pushed the feeling away, refusing to allow myself to think that about her. After everything she'd been through, I didn't want her to think I'd lost faith in her. She'd worked for years, just to prove herself as an equal and earn respect, and now, of all times, is when she deserved it the most. I owed her at least that much.

"Mr. Stabler?" A nurse walked into the room, a clipboard in hand. "Hi, I'm Rachel." She was fairly young and slightly waved to greet me. "I'm here to check your vitals."

"Okay, and you can call me Elliot." I nodded and held my arm out, making it easier for her to take my blood pressure. This was about the seventh time I'd had my vitals taken since they had brought me in.

"All right. Who's this?" She smiled and nodded towards Olivia.

I moved my gaze back to her and smiled as well, glad that the nurse was too lost in her own world to sense the pain in Olivia's appearance. "My sister," I lied. I wasn't sure how I'd explain my coworker sleeping next to me without going into personal detail.

"It's so sweet that you two are so close," she remarked, finishing up. "I wish my brother and I were like that," she gave a slight frown. "Well," she shrugged it off, "I have to go. Nice meeting you." She waved again before leaving. Her timing couldn't have been better, because the second she closed the door behind her, Olivia suddenly cried out.

"No! Stop!" Her voice pleaded with a terror that I'd never heard come out of Olivia before. Her arms starting flailing, striking me in the ribs and, lucky for me, missed my face by inches.

"Olivia! Olivia!" I pushed her arms down, trying not to restrain her as I attempted to wake her up. She already thought I had attacked her once, I didn't want her to think it again.

Her eyes quickly snapped open at the sound of my voice so that she was staring right at me, our faces only inches away from each other. Fear pulsated through her eyes from the nightmare she'd been having. She looked at me for a split second before opening her mouth and letting out a shriek.

I quickly realized she thought she was back at that moment when she was attacked. "Liv, no-" I tried to explain things, but it was too late.

The bed we were in was only a twin, part of the reason she'd been practically sleeping on top of me only moments ago. We were now both hugging the edges, close to falling off. That's why panic shot through my heart like a bullet when she abruptly jumped back away from me, slipping off of the bed. My reflexes were quick, but at that moment I prayed they'd be enough.

Time seemed to stop as I shot my arms out. They wrapped around her waist, catching her petite body right next to the bed before she could go any further. The two of us just stayed in that position for a second, both of us still in shock. Olivia pulled out of it first. She slid her feet off of the bed and onto the floor, letting them feel the ground a moment before trusting to stand on them. I dropped my arms away from her and she rose, quietly turning to face me.

"Where am I?" Her eyes scanned the room, professionally looking everything over.

"You're in the hospital. Remember? You came in here last night?" I tried to jog her memory. "We must have fallen asleep."

She looked at the floor, letting the memories come back to her. I remained silent, not wanting to push her in any way. Olivia's head came back up as her eyes darted around the room again, finally landing on me, a strange look on her face.

"Are you all right?"

She completely ignored my question as her eyes teared up in what appeared to be guilt. "Elliot, I am _so _sorry. I never should have accused you. I can't believe I'd ever think that."

"Liv." I felt a smile cross my face as she started rambling on. I quietly started saying her name, trying to get her attention.

"I know you would never, ever… Especially…"

"Liv." I said her name a little stronger and a little louder each time, still trying to get her attention.

"And in the squad room, even after what John said… I shouldn't have done that."

"Liv."

"I mean, you've been my partner for so long…"

"Liv."

"And you've been in SVU forever-"

"_Liv!_" I didn't yell, I just said it loud enough to finally get her attention.

She looked up from the floor, scared and guilty as she waited for me to speak again.

"Are you okay?" I sincerely asked, not an ounce of anger hidden anywhere within the question.

A puzzled look crossed her face. "Uh, yeah."

I gave a warm, comforting smile. "Then I'm fine." Olivia opened her mouth to protest, but I stopped her. "It's all right Liv. You were under stress, I understand. And I don't blame you," I added.

Her mouth fell open in bewilderment as soon as I said that. "How could you not blame me? I accused you of raping me! _You_,who's been my partner for years and a cop in _SVU_ for twice that, and been in the military! How could you not hate me for that?" Tears started welling up in her eyes, hurting me more than any accusation she could ever make.

"Because I could never imagine what you went through." My voice was shaky and I hoped that it wouldn't completely break before I was finished. "And I know you would never have said what you did unless you were absolutely certain that it was the truth." I paused and attempted to figure out what effect my words have had on Olivia so far. All I could see was that she was still trying to figure that out herself. "You've been my partner for years. I only _care_ about you." I shook my head and gave a small smile despite my watery eyes. "I could never hate you."

Olivia still stared at me, but slowly, her lips curled into a smile at the same time a tear slipped down her cheek. "Damnit Stabler," she whispered affectionately, the smile still on her face. "Why can't you just be like anyone else and say you hate me?"

A quiet laugh escaped at her question. "Would saying I hate you make you feel any better?"

She studied me for a moment, pondering my inquiry. Then she gave a sheepish shrug. "I wouldn't feel so guilty."

Just to show her how ridiculous that sounded, I pretended to agree. "Right," I gave a professional nod and rubbed my chin with my hand, like I was lost in thought. "Because saying I did indeed hate you would obviously clear your conscious of any guilt."

"I get it," Olivia laughed, a sound that was music to my ears. "You don't have to mock me."

"Seriously Liv, don't feel guilty." The 'seriously' part was quickly dismissed with my next sentence. "_I_ have been shot before," I bragged. "I think I can get through a minor injury like a broken nose." Olivia opened her mouth to answer, but she was interrupted by a familiar voice coming from the doorway.

"And you're lucky that's all it was."

"Hi Rachel," I greeted the nurse again.

"Hi." She stood in the doorway, her hand against the frame. "I just wanted to let you know that the doctor checked your vitals and x-rays and says you're good to go. There are no skull fractures and everything's in order. He should be stopping by in a little bit to talk to you."

"Okay, thanks." I beamed, maybe a little too much. I'll be honest. For all the time I had spent in the hospital in my life, I loathed every second of it.

"You're up," she remarked, finally noticing Olivia.

"Yeah." Though I noticed the subtle puzzlement on Olivia's face, the nurse was oblivious to it, way too caught up in her own world.

"I was just telling your brother here that you two are so lucky to be so close. I see so many families that are no where as supportive as you."

Olivia's puzzlement turned to bewilderment as she listened to this. "Thanks, I guess…" I couldn't help but watch on with an amused grin on my face as Olivia played along, having absolutely no knowledge of my previous conversation with the nurse.

Rachel just grinned again and turned back to me. "Well, I just wanted to tell you that, and if I don't see you again, good-bye."

I thanked her again and said my good-byes as well. Once she had left, Olivia looked at me.

"Brother?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms as she waited for me to clarify.

I shrugged like it was nothing. "It seemed better then saying you were my wife."

"Why didn't you just say I was your partner?" I bit my lip as I fought back a grin. Liv could be such a 'cop' sometimes.

"You were lying on top of me asleep." I pointed out to her, something she obviously hadn't been aware of by her expression. "I don't think even the closest 'partners' could explain that without going into some major personal details."

At that, Olivia slightly blushed and awkwardly no longer met my gaze. She quickly got over her bashfulness and started interrogating me again.

"What did that nurse say before she left?" She pointed towards the door.

"That we're lucky to be so close," I smiled. "Have a seat, stay a while." I pointed to a chair behind her.

Though she sighed and acted like I was annoying her, she pulled the chair up and sat down next to my bed.

"I mean before that. Something about x-rays?"

I nodded. "Yeah. They took some x-rays just to make sure I didn't have a skull fracture."

"A skull fracture?" She asked like she heard me wrong. "You mean I could have cracked your head open!"

I grinned at her way of putting it as I tried not to laugh. I remembered Kathleen yelling at me when she was younger and I was demonstrating the art of jump rope to her. I clumsily entwined my foot in the rope and fell like a lead weight to the ground, smacking my head on the concrete. She came running up to me asking if I had 'cracked my head open.' I only had to have a few stitches, but I was quick to hang up the rope after that.

"It's not funny!" Unbelieving amazement flashed in her eyes as she watched me try to hold back my laughter. "I could have killed you!"

"But you didn't," I stated the obvious. "And besides, aren't you the one always talking about how thick-headed I am?"

Her mouth simply fell open as she stared at me in shock, disbelief covering her face. "You're unbelievable!" She stood up and started to walk away. "I'm leaving."

"Liv, come back." I reached out and grabbed her hand. She jumped as soon as I touched her. I pulled my hand back, not believing I just did something so stupid. Olivia hadn't moved; she was still frozen, her face turned away from me.

"I'm sorry," I softly apologized for my stupidity.

She spun back around and waved it off, a worn look about her. "It's okay." She ran her fingers through her hair, attempting to straighten it out. "So, are we okay?" She asked hesitantly, trying to see where we stood.

"Ain't nothing changed, not a damn thing, baby," I reassured her and smiled, repeating a line in a song Maureen made me listen to a million times over while we were in my car during rush hour traffic.

"Since when did you turn ghetto?" Olivia inquired, amused by my response.

"It's a song," I shrugged and suddenly felt foolish under Olivia's stare. "Never mind," I mumbled. She was silent for a few minutes before she changed the subject.

"What's that?" She nodded towards the side of my bed at a tan rectangle with a power cord coming out of the end.

"A remote control." I leaned over and picked it up. "For the TV." I showed it to her. There were two buttons on the bottom with arrows pointing up and down. There were four other buttons spaced out on top of those, consisting of a nurse alert, the TV power, the TV guide, and another one reading "CC." And right on top of those was a speaker for the volume.

"How does it work?" She turned it over in her hands.

"You push this to turn it off and on," I pointed to the power button, "this to change the channels," I played around with the arrow buttons, "and this controls the volume," I showed her the dial on the side of it. "It's kind of annoying though. The sound comes out of this, not the TV."

Olivia quickly glanced it over, turning it in her hands. "You know a lot about the hospital, huh?"

I shrugged. "You're not the first person to land me here." I smiled, letting her know I was just being a smart-ass again. "Wanna watch something?"

"Sure," she stood up. "Move over." She ushered me over to the side of my bed, leaving enough room for her to sit next to me. I grinned and happily obliged, glad to see some things about her hadn't changed.

"Pillow ma'am?" I picked up an extra one and handed it to her.

"Thanks." She accepted and placed the white square behind her head. She was in a sitting position, her legs stretched out in front of her and her head resting against the wall behind the bed.

"Comfortable?" I half-laughed.

"Quite." She grinned at me and turned the TV on. "So what do you want to watch?" She started flipping through the channels so fast that I could barely tell what number she was on.

"The second to last red blur," I stated sarcastically. "Who taught you how to channel surf?" I took the remote from her and started looking for something.

"What's that?" She didn't seem at all bothered by my taking the remote as an image flickered on the channel I had stopped at.

"Bravo." I waited a few seconds until the commercials were over to see what was on. "Oh." I recognized the show at once. "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," I informed Olivia.

"Excuse me?" She asked, like she'd heard me wrong.

"Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," I repeated. "It's where five gay guys make-over a straight guy and his house." At Olivia's expression, I was tempted to explain. "Maureen was watching it once. It was actually sort of intriguing with her explaining things to me," I defended myself.

"Intrigue me with something else," she commanded me. "I hate make-over and home renovation shows."

"So I guess Trading Spaces is out of the question," I blandly stated as the screened fixed on an image of the bubbly host. I continued changing the channels, passing over tons of news stations and shopping channels.

"Isn't there anything good on?" Olivia wondered aloud, a slight disgust in her voice.

"Define 'good,' " I sighed, still not finding anything decent.

"Try Lifetime," she suggested. "Channel 36."

I looked at the number I was on – 75. Honoring her request, I quickly started flipping down though channels. "You know, this would be so much easier if this had a number pad," I pointed out, finally arriving at the correct station.

"Ugh," Olivia groaned. "Not the Golden Girls. Change it." I obeyed and began going past all the crap we'd seen before. "Maybe TV Land," she broke the silence again.

"Channel 65, almost right next to the channel I was just at." I normally didn't mind channel surfing, but it was starting to give me a headache.

"Maybe TV wasn't such a good idea," Olivia stopped me.

"Yeah." I pushed the power button on the remote and tossed it aside. Just as I was about to ask Olivia something, I heard a low grumbling noise. "When was the last time you ate?" I asked her, recognizing the sound as her stomach growling.

"Define 'ate,' " she mocked me.

"There's a cafeteria down the hall. Why don't you get something to eat?"

She shook her head, dismissing my suggestion. "I'm fine."

"Liar," I accused her, sitting forward a little. "I promise I'll be here when you get back, and besides, both of us in the hospital won't do either of us any good."

"Fine." She sighed and threw her feet off of the bed and started walking towards the door. Just as she was about to completely disappear behind the wall, she poked her head back in. "Want anything while I'm gone?"

"I'd love some coffee," I requested politely.

"Okay," she smiled again and kept walking.

--XXX--

About ten minutes later, I heard the door start to squeak open and I assumed it was Olivia. "Geez Liv, what took you so long?"

I was met with an unexpected surprise when the door completely opened and revealed the person behind it.

"Hey John." Standing in the doorway was the man who only a couple days ago had attacked me, and was half of the reason I was in the hospital now. I tried to ignore that fact as I spoke again. "Come in."

"Thanks." He politely smiled and stepped in, closing the door behind him. There was an awkward pause between us before he spoke again. "So how are you doing?"

"Fine," I nodded my head. "I'm doing good. The doctor said that my x-rays were clear and that I could go home pretty soon.

"That's good," he started nodding his head as well.

"Yeah." There was another awkward silence as neither of us met the other's eyes. Finally, John spoke again.

"Look, I came here because I wanted to… apologize for attacking you when you came to see Olivia. It was just… When she said it was you… I just lost it."

I just sort of stared at John for a moment, absolutely stunned as I tried to figure out if I'd heard him correctly.

"What?" I remained silent for too long and John immediately picked up on it.

"I have never heard you apologize before, to anyone, for anything."

He just sighed and came right back. "Yeah, the world is obviously coming to an end."

"Either that, or you're not as cynical as you want everyone to believe."

He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "All right Huang, you've got me all figured out. That is the last time I'm doing that."

I grinned and realized he might not be lying. "It's all right," I dismissed his apology, though he might have already done that. "If it makes you feel any better," I started, "I would have beat the crap out of you too had out positions been switched."

He smiled, knowing that I was speaking the exact truth. "You mean you would have taken Olivia's side over mine?" He held a hand over his chest and pretended to be hurt.

"In a heartbeat, considering." I flashed him a look.

Though he tried to hide it, I knew my joke made him feel guilty when he started asking me questions. "Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything I can do for you?"

I thought a moment before I answered. "Yeah," I nodded. "Do whatever the hell you have to do to find the sonofabitch that did do this."

John's face twisted in hesitation as soon as I said that. It looked like there was something he wasn't telling me.

"What? Did you find him?" I shot straight up, my eyes never moving from him.

"Well, we found a lead." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "But we're not positive on anything yet."

"What's that?" I motioned towards the paper he was holding.

"Our lead." He handed it towards me and I greedily snatched it out of his hands.

"Oh my God." I looked it over. "What the hell is this?" It was a snap shot of a woman with dark brown hair on a beach with someone who easily could be considered my twin, aside from a few hardly noticeable differences.

"Olivia said she was attacked in her apartment while she was sleeping, and that the perp came through the front door. When Fin and I went there, we found no sign of forced entry."

"So he had a key?"

John nodded and continued. "So we decided to check out the super of her building. The super turned out to be a woman. A few days ago, the night Olivia was attacked to be exact, her boyfriend suddenly flipped and gave her a broken leg and concussion. He made off with her wallet and her keys, including the master one to all the apartments. She gave us that picture of him."

"So what the hell are you doing here? Go arrest the bastard!" I heard the anger in my voice as my volume increased with each word.

John slightly recoiled at my outburst. "No one's seen him since he attacked his girlfriend. We have people out checking his office and usual hangouts and we're going to release the picture of him if we can't find him."

Just as I was about to speak, I heard the door open again. It was Olivia and Fin this time. Both of them had a cup of coffee in each hand.

"Hey." Olivia smiled and greeted the both of us. I quickly hid my previous outburst. "Here you go." Olivia handed me one of the cups in her hand.


	22. 22 Benson

Chapter 22 - Benson

Thanks for the reviews Mika Tsuki, christopher-meloni-freak, TeacherTam, qt-angel, Delila07, LivElRocks a lot, Lady Padfoot II, and Katydidit.  
To whoever asked, Olivia doesn't know that the guys have a suspect yet. That'll come up a little later. And just because I spent forever today writing and catching up on this story, I'm posting two chapters, Olivia and Fin. They're both pretty long, so I hope you enjoy:)

Lyrics by Leann Rimes - I'll Get Even With You

_For all the nights you held me close  
Warmed my heart, when it was cold  
When I was giving up you gave me love  
From some dark alley in my mind  
You made a hidden dream unwind  
And turned my stumbling blocks to stepping stones  
When the odds were against me  
And I was lost with no will to go on  
You wrapped your loving arms around my heart  
Took my losing hand and led me home  
I'll get even with you  
For the hard times you've helped me through  
I'm giving back to you  
All the love you've given me  
For the rest of my life  
Every day and every night  
If it's the last thing I'll ever do  
I'll get even with you…_

**Benson**

"Can I help you?" The man behind the counter sighed. He'd looked tired of being here already.

"Two coffees to go, please." I dug into my pocket and started pulling bills out.

I was at a coffee shop a block away from the hospital. I had decided to spare both Elliot and myself the torture of hospital coffee.

"That'll be six-fifty," he flatly stated, setting the cups on the counter in front of me.

As I began counting the money I had, I quickly realized that I was about a dollar short. _Damnit…_ I cursed to myself. _Now what?_ I glanced up at the man, a pleading look on my face. He just sighed and crossed his arms, like this was just another horrible event to add to his day.

"Here." I heard a familiar voice behind me as a ten-dollar bill appeared in front of me.

The man took it and started counting out my change as I turned around to face Fin.

"Fin, hey." I gave a surprised smile.

"Three-fifty's your change." The guy was so long gone that he didn't even bother trying to be nice anymore as he held out the money in his hand.

I accepted the money and turned back to Fin to give it to him. "Thanks."

He smiled, "Sure."

"Can I help you?" The man's voice was rude and abrasive as he snapped at Fin. Fin just ignored his tone and ordered.

He turned back towards me. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm good," I nodded. "What are you doing?"

He responded by picking up the two coffee cups that were on the counter. "Same thing as you."

"Where's John?" I asked him.

He appeared confused as he answered. "He told me he was going to the hospital to see Elliot. Didn't you see him?"

"No, I-" I suddenly cut myself off as a thought occurred to me. "Wait. How'd you know I'd be in the hospital?"

He shrugged and took a sip of the steaming coffee he was holding, not even blinking. "I assumed you'd still be there after falling asleep on top of Elliot."

I let out a small, barely noticeable gasp after he said that. "You saw that?" I felt my face starting to redden, revealing my embarrassment.

Fin nodded and grinned, obviously amused by the situation.

"Anyone else I should know about?" I almost begged as we walked into the cold morning air.

"Just John and Cragen."

"God." I bit the side of my tongue as I realized that practically everyone I worked with saw me sleeping with Elliot. _Well, next to,_ I quickly corrected myself.

"Aw, you two were cute." He elbowed me and grinned again, letting me know he was just playing around. His joking just made me blush even more. "So how's Elliot doing?" He changed the subject.

"He's fine. The nurse said his x-rays were good, no skull fractures, and that he could probably get out today."

"How are _you_ doing?" He asked me again.

"I'm fine," I insisted, locking gazes with him for a moment. "So, I haven't seen you the past few days."

He shrugged. "I was busy working your case, since I was the only one who could."

"What do you mean?"

He paused before answering, like he wasn't sure if he should tell me. "I wasn't the victim, I wasn't the suspect, and I wasn't the guy who beat the crap out of the suspect."

As I listened, I realized that he was talking about me, Elliot, and someone else. At first I thought the last person was me, but that didn't make any sense. As I thought about it, I realized Munch was the only person it could be.

"Munch beat up Elliot? When?"

Fin turned to me, trying to read my shocked face. "You mean you didn't know?" I shook my head, mouth still agape. "Oh," he sighed. "Well, since I already put my foot in my mouth… We were in the hospital the night you were attacked and John had just told me that it was Elliot. Then Elliot comes rushing in saying that he came as soon as he heard. John suddenly jumps him and uses him as a human punching bag."

"John did that?" I asked in complete disbelief. Though I'd seen Munch get aggressive during interrogations, he'd never really attacked anyone.

Fin watched me a few minutes before answering me. "He really cares about you," he spoke softly.

I turned my gaze to the sidewalk as I thought about what Fin had just told me. The both of us were silent as we continued walking.

We finally arrived at the hospital entrance a minute later. I pushed the door open and was met with a comforting whoosh of warm air.

As we walked past the front desk and up towards the elevator, I suddenly realized I had no idea what room Elliot was in. "Damn," I softly cursed to myself as I tried to recall at least which floor he was on.

"What?" Fin heard me as he pushed the button for the elevator.

"I have no idea what room Elliot's in," I shrugged my shoulders, becoming frustrated.

"Floor three, room 304," he instantly said as the elevator beeped and opened.

"How do you know that?" I detected a slight hint of surprise in my voice and tried to shake it off. People knowing things I didn't, by now, really shouldn't have amazed me. It seemed to be happening more and more often.

He pushed the button for the third level once we were inside the elevator. "I rode in the bus when they brought him in, and I was here for about five hours after that."

"Oh." As we arrived at the third floor, the elevator doors opened and we stepped out. "Which way?" I asked, noticing we could go left or right.

"That way," he pointed to the left and started walking, with me quickly tailing him. When we arrived at the right door, I didn't even bother knocking as I pushed it open.

Elliot was still in the bed, sitting straight up and looking at John, who was standing a few feet away from the bed. Elliot seemed to have an expression of frustration and slightly dazed. Once he saw me though, it quickly vanished and a slight smile appeared.

"Hey." I smiled back and went up to the side of his bed. "Here you go." I handed him one of the cups of coffee I was holding.

"Thanks." He reached over and grabbed it with both hands.

"Sure." I glanced over to where John was, cupping the warm coffee cup in both of my hands, keeping me warm. "Hi John."

"Hey Liv." He gave me such a warm smiled that I no longer needed the coffee to keep me warm. We just stared at each other for a moment as I thought about what Fin had said.

_"He really cares about you…"_

Suddenly, I felt myself looking at him in a new light. I was grateful for everything he's helped me through and done for me, but I had still seen him as the same Munch I'd always known, the sarcastic, government-hating, cynical, comedian. But now, I saw a new side, a sensitive, caring, almost vulnerable side.

"Here." Fin handed John one of the cups he was holding as well. Almost instantaneously, Fin's cell phone went off.

He excused himself and turned away from all of us as he answered it. "Tutuola. Yeah, we'll be right there." He flipped his phone shut and faced John. He gave him a look I couldn't read and said, "We gotta go." John apparently understood because he just nodded his head.

"Where?" I asked him out of simple curiosity.

Fin didn't reply. Instead, he looked up at Elliot. "Good luck getting out of here." He started hustling out of the room.

"Bye." Munch smiled again before jumping after his partner.

"Bye," I repeated, slightly affronted. I shifted my gaze to Elliot. "What was that all about?"

He shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. "You know how weird they can be sometimes," he commented, as if trying to end the whole conversation.

I looked at him and tried to study his face. When I was unable to, I just shook my head and sighed. "You're all weird."

"Why thank you." He smiled as I sat down in a chair next to his bed. I leaned back and crossed my legs, trying to get comfortable. "And who said you didn't have that comforting, nurturing gene?"

I just rolled my eyes and ignored him. Though I was pretending that all his teasing and ribbing upset me, it couldn't have made me happier. When I first found out that I had wrongly accused Elliot, I though I'd just totally screwed up our relationship forever. I mean, what kind of man would just forgive and forget someone accusing him of rape? Especially considering he spent his career putting people like that away. And yet, here he was, acting as if the past few days hadn't even happened.

"Elliot Stabler?" I heard the door open and turned to see a man in a white lab coat walk in, staring at a clipboard. He looked to be in his late forties with dark colored skin and jet black hair that was slicked back with gel.

"Yeah?" Elliot leaned over and put his coffee on the end table next to his bed.

"I'm Dr. Hoffman." He leaned over and shook hands with Elliot.

"Hi." He responded.

The doctor turned to me. "And you must be his sister the nurse was telling me about."

I just smiled and rose to my feet. "Olivia," I introduced myself and shook his hands, just going along with the sister thing.

"So how are we feeling today?" Dr. Hoffman stopped shuffling through the papers and put the clipboard under his arm, hugging it to his side.

"I feel great. Can I go?" He asked, almost too eagerly.

Dr. Hoffman smiled and nodded, knowing his feelings. "I understand that you want to leave, believe me, but I just want to make sure you're okay before I discharge you."

"I know," Elliot sighed.

"Now…" The doctor pulled his clipboard back out and read it over. "All your vitals look really good and your x-rays are clear of any fractures… So I suppose you are good to go."

"Really?" Elliot sounded hopeful as he asked in a tone that suggested that he thought the doctor was only messing around with him.

"Yeah." He nodded again. "Now you suffered a concussion when you fell, so I'm giving you a strict order of bed rest for the next few days. And you definitely can't do any heavy exertion, lifting, or exercising for at least a week. Also, I'm giving you a prescription for some pain medication, but use it only if you need it."

"Okay, is that all?"

"That's everything. I'll go get a nurse to get your discharge papers and get you out of here."

"Thanks," Elliot leaned over and shook Dr. Hoffman's hand again.

"No problem." He politely smiled and turned back towards me. "Take good care of your brother here, and make sure he stays in bed."

"I will," I grinned, looking over at Elliot.

Dr. Hoffman just continued walking out the door, shutting it behind him.

"I don't know," I shrugged as I walked up to Elliot's bed. I picked up his coffee from the table and handed it back to him. "This sibling thing's starting to grow on me. I've always wanted a brother."

Elliot laughed. "I don't know, Maureen and Kathleen used to say that. Now they aren't so thrilled with it."

At the mention of his kids, something occurred to me. "Do they know you're in here?"

"What?" He glanced up from the paper cup.

"Do your kids know you're here? In the hospital?" I clarified as I pointed down, giving him a visual.

He innocently shook his head, like them knowing would be pointless. "Why should they? It'll just scare them. Besides, you heard him," he nodded towards the door from which the doctor had only moments ago exited. "I'll be out before they even realize anything's wrong."

I studied his face for a moment, thinking up an argument. I realized that it might scare Elizabeth and Dickie, because they were still young, but Elliot's children had a right to know their father was in the hospital. _But maybe they didn't need to know the events that placed him here._

"Fine," I sighed, failing at my attempt to create a half-decent debate. "But what are you going to tell them when they ask what happened to your face?"

He just shrugged his shoulders and gave me a look that said he'd deal with it when it came up. "Maybe it'll look better by the next time I see them?" He half-guessed, half-hoped.

I felt my expression filling with doubt the moment he even suggested that. "You haven't looked in a mirror, have you?"

He gave a lopsided grin at my question. "No."

I was going to get something to show him his reflection, but by the way he said no, it didn't sound like he wanted to see the damage done.

For a few minutes, Elliot and I just sat there in a comfortable quiet, neither of us having anything to say. I was content just sitting in the plastic chair, staring at the lid of my coffee, my mind completely clear.

That's why I wished everything would have stayed quiet. At least that way, I wouldn't have been reminded of the fact that I had been raped and had no idea by whom.

"Are you okay?" Elliot's voice sliced into the serenity, causing my head to snap up in surprise.

"What?" I asked, allowing myself time to compose, though I'd heard him perfectly.

"Are you okay?" He repeated, concern seeping through each word.

"Fine," I answered nonchalantly.

"I am lying in the hospital, courtesy of you," he raised his eyebrow. "You are any but."

"Oh," I realized quietly, lowering my gaze to the floor. "That."

There was a pause before I heard my partner's voice again. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" His tone was ginger as he carefully crept around the subject.

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, determined not to let any more tears begin to fall. I held the breath in my chest for a moment before releasing it and looking back up, raising my eyelids. I turned to Elliot. His eyes were clouded over with solicitude. I couldn't bear to face them. I moved my gaze and started talking. I was surprised that I was still able to without my voice cracking.

"I was in my bed when a noise woke me up." I felt my shoulders shrug. "I ignored it." I opened and closed my eyes repeatedly, trying to blink away the tears that were flowing back with the equally suppressed memories. "Then I saw a shadow in my doorway…" My stare flickered down to my lap as I watched myself subconsciously picking at the fingernails of one hand with another. "I jumped up to get my gun, but he fought me back onto my bed. I tried to fight him, but he kept hitting me, punching me back down." I bit my lip and applied more and more pressure until I felt I was going to break skin. My eyes began to water and I knew I was on the verge of crying again. "During it, a car drove by the window and I saw his face." I lifted my hand to my face and wiped away tears that I knew were coming. "I don't know what I was thinking, but he looked exactly like you…" Once I had forced that out of me, I knew that I wouldn't be able to continue without bursting into sobs, so I ended it.

I just felt so ashamed of myself. I was a cop, a sex crimes cop nonetheless, and yet I couldn't even prevent my own rape. When Elliot didn't speak, I assumed he was thinking the exact same thing. I could almost hear the thoughts in his head.

She's been working with SVU for how long? And she can't even stop this from happening?

I hung my head and prepared to take the criticism I was expecting. Instead, I heard two words I'd said repeatedly over the past few days.

"I'm sorry." Elliot's voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard him clearly.

I raised my head level with his, locking gazes with watery eyes as well. "Don't apologize. It wasn't you. You have nothing to be sorry about."

He watched me a moment before replying. This time, he spoke just as softly, but in a shakier voice. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I'm sorry that no one was there to protect you." There was a small pause before he continued. "And I'm so sorry that you had to think, for even a moment, that I would _ever_ betray you or hurt you in the slightest way like that."

As I looked over his face, a small smile crossed my lips before I lost control of the tears I desperately was trying to hold back.


	23. 23 Tutuola

Chapter 23 - Tutuola 

Lyrics by Simple Plan – Perfect World

I never could have seen this far  
I never could have seen this coming  
In a perfect world  
This could never happen  
I used to think that I was strong  
Until the day it all went wrong  
I think I need a miracle to make it through  
I wish that I could turn back time  
And it makes no sense  
I can just pick up the pieces  
But to you this means nothing  
Nothing at all  
I don't know what I should do now  
I don't know where I should go…

****

Tutuola

"So what's going on?" I wondered aloud to no one in particular as John and I walked into the squad room.

"We may have a lead on Brent," Cragen suddenly hung his head and torso out of his office. He held a hand up and ushered the two of us in with him.

"What is it?" John asked for the both of us once we inside the Captain's office with the door closed behind us.

"More like who," he corrected John, walking over towards a window blind on one of his walls.

My partner and I looked at each other a moment before we followed Cragen. Once we got to the window, he pulled the blinds up and revealed a one way mirror, looking into a room containing a woman in her mid-fifties. She had blond hair, a petite frame, slender facial features, and was glancing around the room nervously, awaiting an impending doom.

"And she would be..?" John looked over the rims of his glasses at Cragen with an irked expression that I easily read – you-dragged-us-down-here-for-this?

"Brent's mother," he simply stated, slipping his hands into the pockets of his slacks.

"What is she going to tell us?" I semi-snapped, taking on the same temperament as John. "How her son couldn't possibly have done anything?"

Cragen just slightly frowned as he looked down on us. After a minute of glaring, he spoke again. "She saw Brent this morning."

John and I turned to meet each other's gazes again, shock written on both our faces.

"You can send me a formally written apology later," Cragen remarked, opening his door so that we could go question her.

As I walked by him, I gave an apologetic nod for snapping at him earlier. He responded with a nod as well, dismissing my behavior. I think we both understood how stressed out we all were. And after how he snapped at me the other day ago, I'd consider us even.

"Hello? Mrs. Silvestri?" John greeted the woman as we entered the room.

"Yes, that's me." She stood up and hesitantly shook hands with John.

"I'm Detective John Munch and this is my partner, Detective Odafin Tutuola." He introduced us to the woman.

"Hi." She looked across the room at me and gave a small smile and subconscious nod.

"Nice to met you," I nodded back. As she turned back to John, I propped myself up on the wall, leaning against the wood paneling.

"What is this all about?" Mrs. Silvestri looked up at my partner. She was standing, but she barely came up to his chest.

"This morning, you told one of our detectives that you saw your son, Brent?" I asked her, pulling her stare back towards me.

"Yes." She nodded. "They came to my house asking about him and I said I saw him." Slight puzzlement and annoyance came over her face as she spoke again. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Mrs. Silvestri, are you aware that last Tuesday night, your son assaulted his girlfriend?" John pulled a chair up across the table from where the woman had been sitting.

"What are you talking about? My Brent would never do that." She became defensive as she sat back down at the table.

I ran my tongue under my bottom lip as I turned towards the one way mirror that I knew Cragen was standing behind. I gave him an I-told-you-so look before pushing myself off of the wall. I knew it would take both of us applying pressure to this woman to get her to talk.

"Mrs. Silvestri, we have witnesses placing Molly and Brent at the restaurant together and leaving together on Tuesday night." I started walking closer towards her. "We also have witnesses saying they both went into her apartment." Once I was at the table, I leaned my hands against it, staring right at her. I threateningly lowered my face closer and closer towards hers. "And we also have a doctor report saying that sometime after that, someone beat the crap out of her." I was only a few inches away from her face, my eyes boring into hers.

For such a small woman, this lady had a lot of presence and fight in her. It sort of reminded me of one of those little hyperactive toy breed dogs that think they can take on a dog five times their size.

She just stared right back at me, never flinching. "My son wouldn't do that," she placidly insisted, turning her gaze back to the wall.

I sighed and bit my tongue and looked at John. If she was this resilient against her son just assaulting someone, she'd never believe us if we even _suggested_ that he raped someone.

"Look ma'am, we're not here to convince you that your son did or didn't do anything. We just want to know about this morning." John took on the roll of good cop, me already unconsciously taking the bad cop. It was just one of a million different tactics we'd repeatedly used when interrogating someone.

"Oh, just forget it John!" I stood up suddenly, pushing the table back slightly. "She probably didn't even see him! She just wants some attention."

"Excuse me!" Mrs. Silvestri didn't miss a beat. She immediately snapped right back at me. "I was simply answering that policeman's questions when he told me that I had to come down here for questioning!" She easily matched me glare for glare as anger flashed through her eyes.

As we were caught in a stare-down, I spoke to John. "So John, what was the maximum sentence for aiding a criminal and hindering a police investigation?" As soon as I spoke, I saw a fleeting moment of fear on her face. She quickly tried to cover it as she spoke.

"Your threats don't scare me."

"I think they do," I said, relentless in my pursuit.

"Fin…" I heard John's warning tone and simply ignored it. I also ignored the pounding on the one way. I knew it was Cragen, either warning me or demanding that I come outside. I didn't let up and I didn't leave.

"I can stand here all day," I informed the woman.

"What do you want?" She begged, finally faltering.

"Tell us about this morning," I finally backed off as well, getting what I wanted.

She seemed depleted as she sat back down in the hard wooden chair. "Fine. Brent came over to my house about eight o'clock this morning. He was pounding on my door."

"What did he say?" John asked her, his pen and pad out already, writing things down.

"Not much," she frowned, thinking back to that day like something about it was bothering her. "He just asked if he could borrow some money."

"Was that out of the ordinary for him?" John took the lead of the questioning as I drifted back off to my corner.

A slightly amused look crossed her face. "Not really. He'd ask at least every month for some money for this or that." She shrugged. "Today he needed money for his rent." When she saw the disapproving look John was giving her, the amusement vanished and she became defensive again. "He's my son. What am I supposed to do? Let him live on the street?"

I opened my mouth to come back with a flippant response, but John caught me and shook his head. I snapped my mouth closed and paced to the other corner behind Mrs. Silvestri.

"Did he say anything else to you? Like if he had any plans later today?"

She thought a moment before shaking her head. "No. He seemed in a hurry. I just gave him the money and he left."

"Mrs. Silvestri, was anything else about his visit strange? Did he say or do anything out of character?"

"Not really…" She chewed her lip thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, there was something. He looked kind of… tousled. Come to think of it, it was also strange for him to come visit me at my house. Normally when he needs money I just wire it over to him. My house is kind of far from his apartment." I assumed she was finished when she spoke again. "So can I go now? I do have things to do today." She rose to her feet, cautiously turning towards me, fearing I'd jump her or something.

"Sure." John pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Here's my card. Call me if you remember anything else."

"Right." She hesitantly accepted the card as John led her out into the squad room.

I braced myself for a face to face with Cragen as I followed them out. I grumbled to myself, angry that she gave us nothing really to go on. In other words, I put my ass on the line just to find out that he was a deadbeat still mooching off of his fifty-something mother.

"Fin, what the hell was that?" Sure enough, I ran right into Cragen.

"Cap, I just-"

"You just what?" He snapped me off, glaring at me. "The last thing this squad needs right now is a harassment suit slapped on it!" He was breathing heavily, an accusing finger pointing at me.

"You aren't mad at me," I informed him, catching on. "You're mad at the fact that she didn't give us anything and that we still haven't found him yet."

Cragen face twisted up in frustration as soon as I said that. I knew that I had hit his feelings dead on.

"Cap, we all want to find him and we're doing our best." I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Me and Munch'll go poke around in his history some more. I think we should probably release the picture now." While I spoke, I felt John's presence behind me.

"And a warrant for his apartment couldn't hurt," my partner added.

Cragen nodded, his forehead scrunched up in thought. "I'll talk to Novak, see what she can do."

"We'll go see if any leads have popped up or something," John volunteered us.

"Go," he motioned with his head, giving us permission.

"So where should we start first?" John looked to me as we were leaving the station house.

"Well, Mrs. Silvestri said that Brent was going to use the money she gave him for rent, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's go find his super and see if he _has_ made any rent payments lately."

"And what will that tell us?" He wondered, slightly puzzled.

I sighed and shrugged, throwing my hands up. "I'm the blind leading the blind here John. You got a better idea, I'd love to hear it."

--XXX--

"Well that was _the_ biggest waste of time I've ever experienced," John commented as we stepped out of the apartment that belonged to Brent's superintendent.

"I don't see you brainstorming any brilliant ideas either Einstein!" I snarled defensively. He was either shooting down all of my ideas or ridiculing them after the fact and it was gnawing at my last ounce of patience.

"Down boy," he took a step back from me and held his hands up. "Relax."

"Yeah, right," I snapped again. "I'll relax when I see this bastard behind bars!"

"You know, that behavior does seem kind of ridiculous when someone else is acting it out." He shook his finger at me.

"What 'behavior'?" I automatically asked, quickening my pace.

"That whole anger thing." He slid his hands into the pockets in his trench coat. "It's also quite tiring."

"You want to talk about tiring?" I halted and faced him. "Try not sleeping for more than two hours every night for the past three nights, then talk to me about tiring."

"Maybe you should go home and get some sleep." He glanced at me over his sunglasses, his eyebrows raised.

"Not 'till we find him," I said as I started walking again.

"Fin…" John hurried after me and grabbed my arm, stopping me. "You aren't going to help anyone if you're too tired from exhaustion to even think straight, especially Olivia," he added quietly.

I paused and studied his face for a moment. I was really tired… "Call me if you get even the slightest lead?" I asked.

"Of course," he said like it was a given.

"All right…" I finally gave in to the temptation of a nice warm bed.


	24. 24 Cragen

Chapter 24 - Cragen

Thanks for the reviews nem, Lady Padfoot II, qt-angel, christopher-meloni-freak, LawandorderSVUfan, volleylover, SVUchik18, viol8dbyalizzard, dadsgirl4ever, and TeacherTam.  
nem, thanks for reviewing! I totally get what you mean about the picture inside the TV Guide. I loved it so much I put it on my computer background!  
TeacherTam, thanks for the reviews! And I'm glad I made your day with the 'til thing. ;) Bad grammar is my pet peeve! I can't stand people who don't respect their work enough to at least attempt to use spell check.  
LawandorderSVUfan, thanks so much for the reviews. Now, about the pairings, there aren't any. I know everyone would love to see Olivia get together with someone, but I still haven't decided if I'm going to take this story there. If I do, it'll be a long way off, just to give Olivia time to cope and deal with her attack.  
And because everyone wants to know when Olivia is going to find out aboutBrent, I'll finally post that chapter today. So here are three more, Cragen, Elliot, andMunch.

Lyrics by Doug Stone – Why Didn't I Think of That

I did my best  
Thought of everything else  
Why didn't I think of that?

****

Cragen

"Hey John," I nodded to my detective as he entered the squad room. I was leaning over a heap of papers piled on someone's desk, searching for anything that might give us the slightest lead to Brent's location. "Where's Fin?"

"He's at home sleeping." John slid his trench coat off of his shoulders and flung it around a coat rack.

"What? Why?" I already had people working double time and over time, I needed everyone I could get working.

"He's _exhausted_ Don." He grabbed a folder from his desk. "He's basically been working this alone for the past three days." John opened the manila folder but didn't start flipping through it until I gave him a look of understanding.

"So did you find anything useful?"

He shook his head. "Absolutely nothing. He pays all his bills on time, probably with all the money he scrounges from his mother, and he's never held a job long enough to get past a first name basis with anyone."

"I want to know how in the hell a guy can be in New York and yet be impossible to find!" I growled at no one in particular.

"Did you get a search warrant for his apartment yet?" John seemed unshaken by my outburst. Lately, it seemed as if there was a virus spreading around, taking turns making everyone incredibly irritable. I sighed and threw down a pile of papers, not even answering John's question. I could blame some bug or bacteria, but I, and everyone else, knew the real reason. No one could sleep knowing that Olivia's attacker was still out there, doing God-knows-what.

After a mere minute or so of exercising my last bit of patience on Brent's financial history, I decided to go to Novak's office and see if she could get that search warrant, or at the very least give us some idea of what to do. We'd been watching Brent's money trail like a hungry hawk watching the ground for its next prey. So far, we hadn't found a single bite. The night he attacked Olivia, he took his credit cards and cleaned out his accounts and he took Molly's and cleaned out hers. He had almost a thousand dollars in cash and now would leave no paper trail for us to latch onto.

As I knocked on her door, it suddenly occurred to me that she wouldn't know of the events that had taken place over the past few days. _Great, now I have to go through this all again._

"Novak?" I knocked on the open door and leaned my head in, making sure she was there.

"Come in." She was standing in front of a bookcase, scanning through the pages of an unmarked hardback book. She flipped through one last page before shutting it and looking at me. "Is this about Elliot?" There was a look on her face that I couldn't really place. She was sort of downhearted, sort of scared, nothing I could put my finger on. Before I could answer her, she spoke again. "Was it him?"

I just stared at her for a moment, completely unsure what she was talking about. I opened my mouth to ask, but again she beat me to it.

"But how could he do that to Olivia?" She shook her head in a dazed fashion, taking a seat behind her desk.

Suddenly, I knew what she was talking about. "You heard about Olivia?"

That question seemed to pull her out of her own little world. "What? I mean, uh… yeah. I talked to John a couple days ago. He told me what happened. It wasn't Elliot, was it?"

"No." I shook my head.

"Thank God…" She sighed, relief over-coming her. "Wait, but if it wasn't Elliot, then who was it?"

I shrugged. "We have a suspect, we just can't find him."

"You can't find him?" She rolled her chair forward and rested her elbows on her desk. Then she motioned for me to take a seat.

"No," I informed her, lowering myself into one of the two chairs that were placed in front of her desk.

"What are you looking for?" She quickly realized why I was there.

"Search warrant for his apartment."

"What do you have on him so far?"

"An hour before Olivia was attacked, he assaulted his girlfriend, who happened to be the super of Olivia's building and lived on the same floor as her. When his girlfriend woke up, her master keys were missing. The perp broke into Olivia's apartment through the front door, but there were no signs of forced entry. And, he looks exactly like Elliot, explaining the mistaken identity."

Casey just nodded and thought for a moment before speaking again. "Has she IDed the guy yet?"

"I don't know if you heard me the first time, but we can't find him." I didn't mean to snap at her, but I was working on a minimal amount of sleep and nerves.

"So pull up his driver's license and put it in a photo array."

I stared at her with a dear-in-the-headlights expression for a minute. I couldn't believe it hadn't occurred to me before.

"Come back with a positive ID, and I'll do whatever I can." She straightened some papers on her desk as I stood to leave. "And Don?" I turned back around to face her. "Get some sleep," she ordered. "You look close to collapsing."


	25. 25 Stabler

Chapter 25 - Stabler

Lyrics by Allison Krauss – When You Don't Say A Thing

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart  
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark  
Try as I my, I could never explain  
What I hear when you don't say a thing  
You say it best, when you say nothing at all…

****

Stabler

_Beautiful, _I thought sarcastically as I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I was wearing hospital issued, light gray sweats that were way too small. I had to keep tugging at the bottom of the shirt to keep it from riding up and showing off my waist. Well, it was either this or sweatpants so big that I could fit my whole body into one leg.

I'd been in the bathroom of my hospital room for a good fifteen minutes trying to make my five-sizes-too-small outfit slightly presentable before I walked out. The doctor had finally given me my discharge papers, though it was almost five now. So I was getting ready to leave. I had to wear hospital clothes because they'd cut my other blood-soaked clothes off of me when I'd been rushed in. Getting out of the hospital was bittersweet. I was happy about it, but all I had to look forward to when I left was a bed at home for the next few days.

"Hey El?" I heard a knock on the door as Olivia. "Did you fall in?"

"I wish," I grumbled to myself quietly as I forced one last look in the mirror. I slowly opened the door, partly because I thought Olivia might still be behind it, and partly because I just didn't want to come out.

"What took you so… long?" Olivia was in the middle of throwing her coat around her shoulders when she saw me. She froze for a moment, amusement on her face.

"Don't you even," I pointed a warning finger at her.

"Even what?" She played with me, crossing her arms.

"You know what." I yanked at the bottom of my shirt, feeling it slowly rising up.

"I wasn't gonna say a thing," she smiled.

"Liar," I pretended to be mad.

"Fine then," she shrugged and began walking out the door. "You can forget about me giving you a ride and just walk home." I stood back and watched as she disappeared behind the wall, trying to figure out whether or not she was kidding. Remembering how cold it was and how far it would be for me to walk, I decided to take my chances and chase after her. I walked fast, quickly catching up with her.

"So that's how it is?" I asked her. "You're just going to make your brother walk home in this weather with a concussion?"

She searched her brain for a comeback. When something came to her, a grin crossed her face. "I think those sweats of yours should keep you warm enough."

I laughed at her remark, letting the subject drop from there.

--XXX--

"So when did it happen?" Olivia asked me, standing in the middle of my living room, looking around.

"When did what happen?" I asked, closing the front door behind me.

"The tornado that blew through here." She lifted a pile of clothing off of a navy blue recliner and chucked it over onto an even bigger pile that was gathering on the floor. "When's the last time you cleaned up this place?"

"It's not that bad…" I lied, glancing around. It looked like my laundry room had thrown up. I hadn't gotten around to cleaning everything once I had dropped the kids off at Kathy's.

Olivia turned to me. "And the crime rate in New York City isn't that high."

"I'll clean it up," I sighed, leaning down to pick up a coat that was settled at my feet.

"No you won't!" Olivia snatched the jacket up before I laid even a finger on it. "You are going to bed, doctor's orders." She looked at me, a defiant look on her face.

"You can't seriously expect me to stay in bed for the next three days," I wondered hopefully.

"I do," she said, literally pushing me towards my bedroom.

"Are you going to stay here and take care of me?" I asked sarcastically, smiling as I looked at Olivia, waiting for her answer.

"Maybe I will," she shrugged and said in a way that made me think she wasn't joking.

"No, Liv. I was just…" Even as I tried to stop her, something in the look that she gave me snapped my mouth shut. She didn't say anything, but I could sense what she was feeling and I could read it in her eyes. She was feeling guilty and felt that this was a way to make up for it. I didn't want to argue, so I just stared at her for a moment before answering her. "Whatever you want," I smiled.


	26. 26 Munch

Chapter 26 - Munch

Lyrics by Tim McGraw – Just To See You Smile

Just to see you smile  
I'd do anything  
That you wanted me to  
When all is said and done  
I've never count the cost  
It's worth all that's lost  
Just to see you smile  
When you said time was all you really needed  
I walked away and let you have your space  
Oh leaving didn't hurt me near as badly  
As the tears I saw rolling down your face  
Just to see you smile  
I'd do anything  
That you wanted me to  
When all is said and done  
I've never count the cost  
It's worth all that's lost  
Just to see you smile…

****

Munch

_"I'll do it Cap." I'll go force Olivia to relive that night again. I'll go torture her with the face of her rapist that we don't even have in custody._

As I glanced at the photo array in my hand, I tried to comprehend why I had volunteered to go get an ID from Olivia. I suppose I was still trying to protect her from everyone else in the world.

I felt my body shiver from the cold as I turned around a corner to get to Elliot's house. Originally I had went to the hospital, assuming Olivia would still be with him there. When I found out that he'd been discharged, I still figured that she'd be with him at home.

Finally arriving at Elliot's house, I walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" I heard Elliot's voice yell from inside. Opening the wooden door, I gratefully stepped into the warmth, letting it envelop me. "Hey John." Elliot was in a pair of long sleeved, plaid pajamas with a bowl of soup in his lap, stretched out along a deep blue colored couch. The TV in front of him was on and a multicolored, crocheted blanket covered his legs.

"You look comfortable," I remarked, somewhat jealous.

He smiled, glancing over his situation. "I still think Olivia went a little over-board."

"Is she here?" I was quickly slapped back to the reason I was here with the mention of her name.

He nodded. "She was. She left and went to her apartment to get some things." His eyes flew to a clock on a wall. "I'm getting worried. That was a while ago. I offered to go with her, but she refused to let me." He sighed. "It took me ten minutes of convincing to let her let me even sit up. She means well though."

"She went to her apartment? Are you sure?" I didn't believe that she'd go there for anything, much less on her own.

"Yeah. That's what she said, why?"

"Just checking," I lied.

"What's that?" He nodded towards the paper in my hand.

"We want to get into his apartment, see if we can find anything." As I started to explain it, I was yet again reminded of how stupid the idea was. _All right, maybe it wouldn't be such a stupid idea if I didn't have to have Olivia ID the guy._ Even despite all my attempted safeguards, I knew she'd have to face him eventually in court, if not sooner. "Casey needs Olivia to ID him."

"Oh." With his one word response, I knew he was thinking the same thoughts as me.

There was a short pause between the two of us as I kind of worked up the courage to ask him something I wanted to since I'd left the hospital yesterday.

"How is she doing?" I awkwardly asked, trying not to make myself seem too vulnerable or out there.

Elliot subconsciously shook his head as he stared into the bowl cupped between his hands. "She's okay. I think she blames herself though." He looked up to me. "She thinks that because she's a cop it should have made her invincible to this." His eyes fell back down. "That she should have been able to stop it, or prevented it in the first place."

--XXX--

_Please say she's here, please say she's here…_ I pleaded with myself as I ran up the steps in Olivia's building to the floor her apartment was on.

_Thank God…_ I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I recognized Olivia's figure sitting on the floor, facing her apartment door with her back against the opposite wall. I slowly walked up towards her, so as not to startle her. When I was about halfway there, I realized that her eyes were red and puffy. She'd been crying.

I stood next to her, waiting for her to announce her acknowledgment that I was there. When she did nothing but stare at her front door, dried tears on her cheeks, I bent my knees and took a seat right next to her. We were both silent for the next few minutes. Finally, it was Olivia who broke the silence.

"I've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes and I still can't bring myself to go in there." The pain she was feeling was written all over her face and laced through every word she spoke.

"Liv, it's okay." I reached out to place my hand on her shoulder, but she shrunk back from me. I jerked my hand away and cursed myself mentally, for I should have known better.

Her eyes began watering as she just realized what she just did, like the full effect of her attack was just settling in.

"No," she shook her head. "It's not okay. I'm a cop, I'm supposed to be strong, composed."

Though every nerve and impulse in me was telling my brain to stop her, to scream that it wasn't her fault, and to pull her into my arms and try to keep those thoughts away from her, I resisted them. I had to let her pour out everything she was feeling for fear that she might keep it all bottled up inside, eventually building up to the point where she'd explode.

"Now, I can't even go into my own apartment," she softly moaned, the pitch in her voice getting higher. She bit her lip and started blinking her tears away, a stray one slipping down the curves of her cheek.

"Liv…" I racked my brain for something to say, something to give her even a small ounce of comfort as she wiped her eyes. "You say 'cop' like you're a robot or something. Olivia, you're not a robot, you're human. You have feelings and emotions just like everyone else. You were attacked and raped in your apartment. Of course it's scary going back in there, but it's all right. Just take your time with everything. You know you can always stay with me, Elliot, Casey, any of us until you feel up to coming back here."

Olivia stared at her lap while she mulled over my words. Suddenly, a small smile shone through her tears and she looked at me. "Thanks."

I smiled as well. "Anytime."

Olivia stared at me a moment before she rose to her feet, her eyes still on the door.

"Need something?" I asked her, standing as well.

"I came by to get some clothes…" She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"No fear, Munch to the rescue." I smiled, heading into her apartment.

--XXX--

A minute later I was standing in Olivia's bedroom, trying to figure out what to pack. I had pulled out three duffel bags from the bottom of her closet and they were now lying open on her bed. Her sheets had been taken as evidence, leaving only a bare mattress behind.

After a moment of thinking, I finally just decided to pack her as much stuff as I could. I yanked open the top drawer of her bureau and found piles of shirts in it. I pulled one out and placed it inside the closest duffel bag. I did this until the drawer was empty. Then I moved to the second one and repeated the pattern until the bureau was empty and two of the three bags were stuffed with clothes. The third still had some room in it. I took it to the bathroom and emptied the medicine cabinet and everything on the sink into it.

That's when Olivia's gun and badge caught my eye. They were sitting on a small table along with a few crumpled up dollar bills and some change. I could almost see Olivia coming in here after work and casually emptying her pockets, unaware of the horror that would befall her later that night. I picked the gun up, feeling the cold metal on my hands. I silently wondered to myself, what would have happened if she had it by her bed that night? Or if she'd been able to reach it before the bastard fought her back onto her bed… My hand began tightly clenching the gun, like I could pick it up and shoot the very memory of him. I placed it back down and let my hand move to her badge. I picked it and the gun up, mulling over the idea of packing them for Olivia as well. My better instincts finally won and I carefully set them back down. I was thinking about protection for her, but Elliot would be enough when it came to that.

After zipping the three duffel bags up, I placed the straps of two onto my shoulders, placing one on the left, one on the right, and picked up the last one with my right hand. Maneuvering carefully though the doorway and the living room so that I didn't knock anything over, I finally made it to the front door. I slowly lifted my right foot up, trying to keep my balance as I gently kicked it forward, leaving me enough room to walk through.

"Okay," I heaved, struggling to push myself through the doorway that was about two feet too small to fit the duffel bags and me. "I think I got… everything." I groaned as I finally managed to squeeze out into the hallway.

"Everything but the couch," Olivia remarked in amusement.

"Do you want that too?" I tried to make my voice sound serious as I spoke.

Olivia just kept her grin, watching as I moved the duffel bag from my right hand to my left, shifting my weight with it. Suddenly she threw her arms around my neck, slightly catching me off balance. "Thanks John," she whispered.

As I felt her chin rest on my shoulder, I also felt my eyes begin to gloss over. I quickly blinked it away and wrapped my free arm around Olivia. "Anytime," I whispered back.

--XXX--

"John, let me carry one of those." Olivia held her arms out to relieve me of a duffel bag as I stumbled up to Elliot's front door.

"I have it," I groaned, almost falling over.

"Right…" She hopped up the stairs and held the door open, watching on as I heaved up the stairs.

"Hey again," Elliot greeted me as I dropped the duffel bags on the floor, almost right in front of the door. "Are you staying too?" Fake delight covered his face. "This'll be great! Just like a little sleep over!"

"No," I quickly put an end to that thought. "I'm just the bag boy, here to perform your every wish and demand." I gave a small bow towards Olivia.

"Hey!" Olivia started to argue and insist that she tried to help, but I stopped her.

"No need to thank me ma'am, just doing my job." I adjusted the collar of my coat.

Olivia just smirked and turned towards Elliot, her arms crossed. "I'm gone for more than five minutes and you send out back up to come find me?" She looked really agitated with him.

"No." Sincere innocence was in his voice as he spoke, shaking his head. "John came here looking for you. I just told him where you'd be."

_Oh yeah. The ID… Strange how that conveniently never crossed my mind. _

"Why?" She looked back at me.

"Well…" On the drive over here, I had a big speech all prepared and everything for when I told her that we had a suspect and that she needed to ID him, but my mind was now completely blank. I frantically searched my brain for something, anything to say. _Isn't one big speech a day enough?_

"Well what?" Olivia was becoming impatient.

Though I wanted to think about how to say it, carefully choose my words, my mouth overrode my brain and I just blurted it out. "We think we might have a suspect. Cragen wants you to ID him." I quickly produced the photo array from my coat and pathetically held it out in front of me, completely flustered.

The color from Olivia's face drained right away, a look on her face like I'd knocked the wind out of her. For a moment she just stared at me, mouth agape.

"Liv..?" I heard Elliot's quiet, inquiring voice to the left of me.

That snapped her out of her frozen stature. "Um, yeah." She shook her head, clearing it and trying to shake off her previous shock. "Okay." She reached her hand out to take the paper from me and I saw her hand just slightly shaking, something she couldn't hide.

"Here." I handed it to her. I watched on at each excruciating second that her eyes carefully scanned the six pictures. Brent's was in the lower left-hand corner. I prayed she'd point that one out.

Olivia forced her face to remain blank as she turned it back around. "Him." She held a finger out and pointed directly to Brent's picture.

"Are you sure?" I double-checked, reaching out to take the photos from her.

She bit her lip and her emotions as she nodded. "Yeah."

As I shoved the paper back into my jacket, I felt her eyes follow me, desperate to ask about him. I knew she wouldn't though. She'd been in SVU long enough to know that I wouldn't be allowed to tell her anything. Then again, had she asked me, I probably would have spilled out whatever I knew.

"Anything else?" She professionally asked me, trying to hide behind 'cop mode' as she threaded her left arm and head through one of the duffel bag straps.

"That's it," I softly told her.

"Okay. Thanks again," her voice was just as blank as her expression. Olivia leaned over and clutched the carrying handles of another bag in her hand and started walking away, I assumed towards a bedroom.

"Liv, are you-"

"I'm fine," she cut Elliot's concern off as she disappeared into the room over.

Sighing internally, I watched the doorway for another second before meeting Elliot's stare. We gave each other a mutual look of understanding, and not sharing another word, I silently left, closing the door behind me.


	27. 27 Benson

Chapter 27 - Benson

Thanks for the reviews, nem, Katydidit, volleylover, stablerchic14, SVUchik18, LivElRocks a lot, viol8dbyalizzard, and christopher-meloni-freak.  
SVUchik, thanks for reviewing! Yeah, believe me, I've gotten tons of reviews asking about pairings. I know I make Munch and Olivia seem really close, but it's more of a father/daughter, friendship thing. I like having Munch being close to someone because I can show another side of him, you know, caring and sweet. 'Cause I think he really is, deep down. ;)  
christopher-meloni-freak, thanks for all the reviews! I am so glad that you can get all those different emotions from my writing. I do like creating a roller coaster affect with my stories. You'll see more up and down later on.  
Katydidit, thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like the deep friendships instead of the pairings. I do think they're a little over-looked compared topairings and EO. You like Dr. Liv? I couldn't resist!

I was only going to post one chapter, but it's short and I think the content of chapter 28 is way, way, way overdue! (See if you can guess what it's about! ;) And considering how big it is, I may just wait a few days before I get around to updating again after this, maybe leave you will a little cliffhanger..? Just kidding! I couldn't do that to such loyal readers as you!  
**Just a little note here,** I made up all the stuff with Olivia's mother and Elliot and everything in the middle of this chapter. So it never really took place, it just came tumbling out of my mind with all those other crazy thoughts. ;) Also, I made up the engraving, dates and everything.

Lyrics by Avril Lavigne – Slipped Away

I miss you, miss you so bad  
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad  
I hope you can hear me  
I remember it clearly  
The day you slipped away  
Was the day I found it won't be the same  
I didn't get around to kiss you  
Goodbye on the hand  
I wish that I could see you again  
I know that I can't  
I had my wake up  
Won't you wake up  
I keep asking why  
And I can't take it  
It wasn't fake  
It happened, you passed by  
Now you're gone, now you're gone  
There you go, there you go  
Somewhere I can't bring you back…

****

Benson

"I'm fine," I stopped Elliot from finishing his question, knowing all too well what it would be. Stepping into the bedroom Elliot had showed me before I left, I let my arms fall limp and drop the bags on the floor. I shut the door behind me and felt the feeling in my legs leave me. They folded underneath me as I collapsed to the floor. I felt completely drained and exhausted after everything that had just happened with Munch.

More than anything, I was still overwhelmed by the fact that the guys at the station had already found a suspect. I knew they weren't ones to waste time, but still… It might have an even bigger impact had Munch been allowed to tell me anything about it. Unfortunately, I knew all too well that detectives couldn't tell the victim's anything about suspects or the investigation.

_Victim…_ I put my forehead in my hands. In only an hour I'd managed to be forced from being a strong, composed, respected police officer to a _victim…_ This just shouldn't be happening to me. I was the one that _interviewed_ and _talked to_ rape victims. I wasn't one of them.

_Now I'm treating rape victims like they're some gang or minority that should be ashamed or embarrassed of what they are. This is wonderful…_

"Shut up!" I stood up and yelled at the voices arguing in my head as I grabbed a fistful of hair in each hand and pulled. Not enough to actually rip any out, just enough to cause pain, bringing my attention to that instead of the argument I was carrying on with myself. I released it and groaned as I fell face first onto the bed, burying my face into a pillow.

"I need a drink," I said into the pillow, it muffling my words beyond recognition.

_No!_ A voice in my head suddenly screamed out. _Don't try to bury this with alcohol. You'll just be doing exactly what your mother did for all those years._

That thought snapped my head up right away. I can't believe that through all of this, I'd completely forgotten about her. Then again, I could never deny the fact that her memory wasn't something I kept too close by. Don't misunderstand, I loved her more than anything. But along with that, I had to face the memories of her alcohol abuse.

An idea suddenly coming to me, I pushed my legs off the bed and sat up. Getting to my feet, I pulled a piece of scrap paper out of my pocket along with a pen. I quickly scribbled a note on it for Elliot.

El,

Went out to go do something. Should be back in a little while.

- Olivia

P.S. Don't send Munch out looking for me again. I promise I'll come back.

Quietly slipping out of the bedroom, I was relieved to find that Elliot wasn't in the living room. I heard the shower running and decided to leave the note on the coffee table. I threw my coat on and grabbed the keys to my car as I stepped outside.

--XXX--

Minutes later, I pulled my car up beside a lone tree, right at the iron gate entrance. I parked it and turned the ignition off, giving myself a second before I stepped out into the cold air.

As I felt my feet crunch through the frozen grass, I scanned the area, forgetting which way to go at first. I quickly found my way again. Walking through them all like a maze, I finally stopped in front of the one I'd been looking for.

There, on a piece of granite, read the words "Beloved Mother," underneath it, "Serena Benson, 1956 - 2001."

I bent my knees so that I was sitting on my ankles. I reached out one of my bare hands and started tracing her name, my finger slipping on the curves of the 'S'. I continued until I had twirled the last bend in the second 'n' in Benson.

"Hey Mom…" I gave a sad smile and caught my reflection in the polished stone. I had never talked to her grave like this before. I'd always thought that it was ridiculous to talk to a rock and a mound of dirt. But now, something just felt right and comforting about it, like my mother could hear me.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you lately," I gave a nervous chuckle, and, ignoring the cold, sat on the frozen ground, "or ever for that matter. I never did see the point of visiting an engraved rock like it was the actual person. That was always your thing." I slid my hand over the top of it, letting the coldness chill my skin. "Things have been pretty hectic these past few days. Then again, I suppose you know that already."

Before she passed away, I remember us having a discussion about life after death. My mother always insisted that we went to heaven and spent our time looking down upon those that we love until they come to join us. Though it was a sweet idea, I didn't really believe it. I'd never been the religious type. My friends had tried to bring me to church before, but I couldn't do it, mainly because I didn't believe in God. After all, what kind of God would allow the things to happen that I face everyday? Or let something like that happen to my mother… Elliot had tried to comfort me by saying that maybe God was right there that night, causing the conception of a baby girl that would grow up to help and change for the better the lives of countless people. I was so touched by his thought, but I still dismissed it. I didn't think the creation of my life was worth destroying my mother's.

"I can't believe I could ever think that Elliot would do that," I shook my head. "At least I know now it wasn't…" I sighed and started rubbing my hands together, the cold starting to get to me.

"You know, I always thought that I understood what you went through that night, especially after joining SVU." I shrugged and bit the side of my lip, a rueful laugh escaping me. "It turns out, I had no idea until a few nights ago." I started to laugh, but it was turned into a sob. I tried to choke it back as I spoke again. "I'm so sorry for everything Mom. Maybe if I'd known, or if…" I paused as a gush of wind hit my face, pushing away the unshed tears in my eyes. After a moment, I felt it move in another direction. It started blowing next to me, picking up a pile of leaves like a small tornado. I watched as the brown leaves twirled in the cyclone as it started to circle me. After running around me only once, the pile appeared in front of me, hanging in mid-air. Then, just as quickly as it had come, the breeze stopped, dropping the leaves directly in my lap. As I watched this, I felt a much needed smile cross my face. I looked at the leaves and then turned my head upwards. "I love you Mom."

--XXX--

Stepping back into Elliot's house, I actually felt pretty good. It wasn't closure, there was no such thing, but maybe… a slight inner peace? Whatever it was, it was slowly starting to take the place of all the pain and hurt.

"I didn't send John out to find you. He was looking for you." Elliot was sitting on the couch, holding up the note I had left him.

"I know," I nodded and pulled my arms out of my coat, hanging it up on the coat rack by the door.

"So where'd you go?" He inquired, watching me as I walked behind the couch.

"Nowhere," I shrugged, leaning my arms against the blue material. I stared at the TV, but I wasn't watching it. I was focused on Elliot carefully studying my face.

"How are you?" He casually asked me, like he was trying to start small talk.

I turned and searched his face before answering. "Very tired of people asking me that." I picked up a square pillow from the opposite end of the sofa and tossed it at Elliot. He skillfully caught it with one hand after it had been airborne for only a few feet. "And you should be in bed."

"How many times are you going to tell me that?" He had a touch of agitation in his voice. I couldn't tell whether it was sincere or just joking.

"Until you listen," I placidly informed him as I straightened myself and crossed my arms.

He stared at me, summing up my threat level towards him if he tried to resist. Apparently, it was more then he wanted to venture against, because he finally folded. "Fine. I'm going." The pillow still in his hands, he stood up and started walking towards his bedroom door as my eyes followed him. Without warning, he stopped and turned back around. In one swift motion, he threw the pillow directly towards me. Due to the well-toned reflexes I'd developed in the police academy and perfected throughout the years, I easily caught it next to my head and held it between the palms of my hands. Keeping the pillow where it was, I turned to Elliot with a pleased grin on my face. He chuckled at my performance and asked, "You know where everything is, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I let the pillow drop onto the sofa, taking its original position. Before I had mustered up the courage to go to my apartment, he'd given me a 'point-and-tell' tour of the house. I'd refused to let him walk around and show me things, so he simply sat on the couch and pointed in different directions, describing each room and where everything was. "And if you need anything," I started, knowing full well Elliot would finish my sentence and ignore it anyway.

"I will snap my fingers and you'll come running?" He guessed with a smirk on his face.

"Precisely." He just half-rolled his eyes, branding the even thought completely ridiculous. He turned back around and headed off to his bedroom.


	28. 28 Cragen

Chapter 28 - Cragen

Lyrics by Amy Grant – Ask Me

I see her as a little girl hiding in her room  
She takes another bath and she sprays her momma's perfume  
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind  
But it haunts her mind  
You see she's his little rag, nothing more than just a waif  
And he's mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid  
Maybe she'll find a way through these awful years to disappear  
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heaven  
Where did he go in the middle of her shame?  
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heavens  
I see no mercy and no one down here's naming names  
Nobody's naming names  
Now she's looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face  
No more frightened little girl, like she's gone without a trace  
Still she leaves the light burning in the hall  
It's hard to sleep at all  
Still she crawls up in her bed acting quiet as a mouse  
Deep inside she's listening for a creaking in the house  
But no one's left to harm her, she's finally safe and sound  
There's a peace she's found  
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven  
(How do you know?)  
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens  
(How do you know?)  
Yeah, ask me how I know  
(How do you know?)  
Ask me  
Ask me  
Ask me how I know  
(How do you know?)  
There's a God up in the heavens  
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens…

****

Cragen

"Hey, did she ID him?" I stuffed my hands into my pocket and watched John enter the squad room.

"Yeah." He said with an angry sigh, tossing the photo array on the desk in front of me.

"What's wrong?" I knew it was an absurd question the moment I spoke it, but I figured it was worth the risk, just in case I was mistaken.

"Nothing." He spoke with sarcastic happiness dripping off every word. "I'm wonderful. I couldn't be happier with the fact that this sonofabitch is running around the city with at least a grand in his pocket and not a care in the world while Olivia is at home killing herself over this!" His voice started gaining volume and intensity until he was almost screaming by the time he was done.

"And you screaming isn't gonna do a damn bit of good for anyone." We both looked towards the doorway to see Fin walking in, same clothes, same attitude, and same exhaustion still apparent.

"I thought you went home to sleep?"

He shrugged and walked past me to get to his desk, adjoined with Munch's. "Couldn't sleep."

"Okay. John, fill him in and I'll go see what Casey can do." I started walking off when John's bitter-filled voice stopped me.

"Still at square one, only know Olivia knows we have a suspect and it'll only be a matter of hours before she finds out we don't have him in custody."

My first reaction was to turn around and completely chew Munch out, say that I was doing the best I could. I choked that down and instead slowly counted to ten, feeling my composure coming back. _And people wonder why I still go to AA._ I shook my head in frustration and continued towards Casey's office.

--XXX--

"So what exactly are we looking for?" Fin asked me as we bounded up the stairs towards Brent's apartment.

"Anything that might tell us where he is," I sighed, stopping in front of the door. I turned to Munch and Fin and nodded. They nodded back and placed their hands on their guns, ready to draw them in a moment's notice. "Brent Silvestri!" I slammed the outside of my fist against the door as I went through the motions, knowing damn well he wouldn't be inside. "New York City Police! We have a warrant to search the premises! Open up!" I waited a few minutes before nodding to the detectives again. I stepped back while they drew their guns and Fin kicked the door down. While they ran in to clear the apartment, I followed, standing just inside the room.

"All clear over here!" Munch appeared from a hallway, putting his gun back in its holster.

"Clear this way." Fin did the same.

"John, you take the kitchen, Fin, take the living room, I'll take the bedroom." I quickly assigned starting areas and they nodded before taking off.

The furniture in the bedroom was minimal, suggesting he didn't stay here often. There was a twin bed, a desk, a bureau and a couple end tables. I started at the desk. I yanked out the first drawer and casually starting pulling things out of it, pens, pencils, random pieces of paper, a stapler, nothing out of the ordinary. When nothing in there helped, I just tossed the things on the floor and slammed the drawer shut. I repeated this until the once spotless floor was scattered with litter and only two of the four drawers were still connected to the desk. By the sounds coming from the other rooms, I assumed Munch and Fin were handling things with the same 'delicate nature' that I was.

Stepping on the mess I'd made, I heard cracking and snapping noises as I made my way over to the dresser. The first drawer contained only some shirts that quickly met the same fate as the office supplies. As I started digging around the last drawer, my hand hid something hard. I did a double take and quickly pulled the object out. It was a picture frame with a three by five neatly placed inside. The snapshot was of Brent sitting in a restaurant with his arms around a very young and strikingly beautiful blonde-haired woman. She couldn't have been much over twenty, while public records had Brent pegged at thirty-nine. I turned the frame around so that I could remove the backing, just in case there was a caption or something on the picture. Instead, I found a small piece of paper sticking out of it. I pulled it out and noticed there was writing on it. As soon as I started reading it, Fin came in the room.

"Cap! I got an address book here." He held up a leather book that fit the 'little black book' stereotype all too well. "I figure we could go see some of these people, maybe he's staying with them."

"Is there an address for a Melissa Waters?" I asked him.

Though he seemed puzzled by my question, he flipped through it. "Yeah, why?"

"Because Molly Bates wasn't the only woman he was seeing." I handed him the picture and note that was inside it.

"Dear Kevin," Fin read it aloud. "Happy four month anniversary, love Melissa." A look of understanding passed his face once he spoke again. "It's dated a week and a half ago."

"You're bouncing around two woman," I started. "So what do you do after you beat the crap out of one?"

He nodded, catching on. "You go hide out with the other one."

"Or at least tell her where you are. Get Munch. I think we should pay Miss Waters a little visit."

He nodded and hurried off.

--XXX--

"Hello? Melissa Waters?" I politely knocked on the door, not saying that I was with the NYPD just in case Brent was inside. I didn't want to give this bastard a chance to run.

"Yes?" The apartment door opened to reveal the woman in the photograph. "Can I help you?"

"Yes. I'm Captain Donald Cragen with the NYPD." I flashed my badge. "These are my detectives John Munch and Odafin Tutuola." I slightly moved to the side and pointed them out to her. "We were wondering if we could ask you some questions about a Brent Silvestri?"

"Brent? He's actually in the other room right now. What's this about?" A worried look crossed her face.

I turned and faced John and Fin for a moment. They instantly brought their hands up to their guns and they both nodded.

"Miss Waters, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside for a moment." I held my arm behind her as I ushered her outside.

"What? Why? This is my apartment! You can't just-!"

"We can, and we will," I snapped at her in a whisper. "Now wait here until we say you can go back in."

She opened her mouth to argue again, but suddenly she thought better of it and simply crossed her arms, trying to hide her fear with her anger.

"Fin," I whispered. "Go outside just in case he tries to run. John, come with me."

Fin took off the moment I spoke. John instantly went for his gun, shoving his coat back. I heard a gasp and an "oh my God" come from behind me and I realized Melissa had seen it.

"Not yet," I put my hand over John's, stopping him from pulling the piece out of its holster. Though I knew he wanted to oppose my order, he said nothing as he went into the apartment, drawing only his badge.

"Brent Silvestri?" I felt my anger rising up in my chest as I walked into the living room and my gaze settled on him. There he was, stretched out on a maroon recliner, his eyes glued to the television set, laughing at something, like he hadn't just raped a woman four days ago. I desperately fought back the urge to draw my gun and shoot him point blank right now. _Screw a trial, screw all the legal things, I'll finish it._

"Who are you?" He looked up and nodded calmly, though asking as if I'd just made some huge intrusion on his life.

"We're with NYPD." I held my hand up and revealed my badge, not even making the slightest dent in his expression. "You're going to have to-" Before I could even finish, Brent suddenly leapt up from the chair and dove out the open window next to him. We were on the third floor up, but he landed on the fire escape.

"Damnit!" Munch responded by taking off after him, hopping out of the window as he drew his gun. "Hey! Freeze!"

Because Brent was in much better shape than John and had an adrenaline surge working for him, he quickly made it to the ground before my detective even had both of his feet on the fire escape.

"He said freeze!" Out of nowhere, Fin suddenly appeared and ran towards the fire escape ladder Brent was still hanging onto. That caught Brent off guard, causing him to make a split second hesitation that was more than enough for Fin to take advantage of. Now, I don't think I'll ever know if Fin did what he did next because he thought Brent might run, or if he was only thinking about what the bastard had done to Olivia. Either way, he suddenly took a flying leap, lunging at Brent.

Even three stories up, I heard the metallic thud of Brent's face smacking against the fire escape ladder. He instantly cried out as he hit the ground, his hands flying to his face.

While Fin was lying on top of him, he quickly whipped out a pair of handcuffs. In a swift motion, he dropped them on Brent's back, pulled his hands from his face, twisted them behind his back, and cuffed him.

"You sonofabitch!" Brent screamed in anger and started thrashing around against the cuffs once Fin had gotten to his feet. "You broke my nose you…" I tuned out his profanities as I focused on his face.

Sure enough, blood was pouring from his nose, probably from hitting the ladder before he went down.

"You better hope that's all I do!" Fin suddenly caught off the man's screams with a fierce growl as he grabbed one of Brent's arms and pulled him to his feet.

"Brent Silvestri, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent…" I watched as he started Mirandizing Brent and shoved him in the back of the squad car.


	29. 29 Tutuola

Chapter 29 - Tutuola

Glad to see everyone's happy they finally caught Brent. Though I wouldn't get too ahead of yourselves if I were you. Anyway, thanks to nem, Katydidit, AglaiaWar, qt-angel, Lady Padfoot II, steph, LandofShadows, dadsgirl4ever, viol8dbyalizzard, and christopher-meloni-freak for reviewing.  
AglaiaWar, new reviewer! You sat in front of a computer screen for three hours at two in the morning reading my story? You're truly a fanfic-er after my own heart! I have done that before and I know what a feat it is! That means so much to me, thank you!  
steph, new reviewer too! Yeah, I did kind of place all the favoritism on Olivia's side. I tried to make Fin and Cragen neutral, but I guess it didn't really come through. Anyway, I'm glad you stuck with me and like it now!

**Offical Alert**-Okay, I've been pondering the whole 'Will Olivia get together with Elliot or not?' thing and I have finally come up with a long over-due solution! Unfortunately, I can't tell you what it is without ruining the end of the story. But I guarantee you that it will make everyone happy. You just have to trust me on that. ;) And, this is the last author's note I'm writing concerning and pairings. Oh, and just so you know, Olivia/John or Olivia/Fin were never going to happen.

Here's one more installment of this story, Fin. There are a few reasons it's only one chapter this time. The next chapter is really long (I mean huge!) and it doesn't go with this one. That, and I want to leave you all with another cliff hanger. ;) And you've all loved this story so far, right? Well, just keep that in mind when you hit the review button after reading the end of this chapter, please?

Lyrics by Kelly Clarkson – I Hate Myself For Losing You

_I woke up today  
Woke up wide awake  
In an empty bed  
Staring at an empty room  
I have myself to blame  
For the state I'm in today  
And now dying  
Doesn't seem so cruel  
And oh, I don't know what to say  
And I don't know anyway  
Anymore  
I hate myself for losing you  
I'm seeing it all so clear  
I hate myself for losing you  
What do you do when you look in the mirror?  
You got what you deserved  
Hope you're happy now  
'Cause every time I think of her with you  
It's killing me inside  
I don't know what to do  
Not sure that I'll pull through  
I hate myself for losing you  
I'm seeing it all so clear  
I hate myself for losing you…  
_

****

Tutuola

"Okay, so tell me what happened." Huang stood in front of the one way and carefully observed Brent. It looked like the two of them were having a standoff. Brent placidly sat in the interrogation room, his cool, calm, and collected eyes blankly staring at the one way like he could see right through it. Huang watched him with the same expression, trying to figure this bastard out. Brent's nose had finally stopped bleeding, luckily requiring no medical attention, but it was starting to swell.

Cragen, John, and I carefully went through a play by play, Cragen starting, and John and I picking up when we entered the picture. Once we finished, Huang just nodded for a moment.

"It's exactly as I thought," he declared a little triumphantly. "He represses his feelings, causing sudden violent outbursts. I'll bet that in school he was always the black sheep. In life he is constantly pushed and pushed and instead of dealing with it or standing up for himself, he just takes it, allowing the rage inside him to build up and consume himself. Every now and then though, someone does or says something that pushes him over the edge. He responds by taking out all his anger on that one person, then retreating back into his almost sociopathic self." He pointed towards the window. "That, and during those episodes, they are mostly about him proving that he has control over the victim."

Munch was the first to speak. "So what, his girlfriend turns him down and he loses it?"

Huang nodded again, turning towards the three of us. "In that instance, he probably felt that she was threatening hismasculinity when she refused him. And that's why he started beating her into submission. And, I'm willing to bet that if the girlfriend hadn't fallen unconscious, he would have raped her."

"What does being unconscious have to do with it?" I asked, crossing my arms.

Huang's eyes sort of lit up, like he was fitting in the last pieces of a huge puzzle. "Like I said, his violent outbursts are mostly about showing he has control over the victim. She said no, but he wants to prove that she has to do what he wants. A big part of rape is just proving that the attacker has control over the victim. It doesn't even have to do with sex half of the time. He would have raped her to show that he is the alpha in the relationship, that he has the control. He would have taken pleasure from beating her into submission and keeping that control over her. But if she isn't conscious, she can't fight back and it makes it pointless for him."

"So why go around and rape somebody else?" Cragen turned towards the one way as he asked about Olivia.

"Because his macho status had been threatened. He felt he needed to prove to himself again and that anger was still inside him. So he just went for the next best thing." He shrugged and turned back towards the mirror. "Any other woman who would fight back that he could force into submission, it wouldn't matter who."

"Let me just get one thing straight, right now. He's not going to be able to use an insanity defense, is he?" Cragen pointed towards the mirror.

"I don't think he has any mental illnesses really. He knows the difference between right and wrong. And he is obviously in full control of himself during these episodes. He's almost like a sociopath in the sense that he knows what he did was wrong and illegal, but he shows no remorse. He can't manipulate people though. Aside from his outbursts, he always has a beta-like personality."

"You arrested him?" I heard a bewildered voice yell out from behind me. It was Casey. "I gave you a warrant to search his apartment, not arrest him!"

"Casey, you know all the evidence we have on him," Cragen started, trying to calm her down.

"Yeah, and I know it's all circumstantial!" She threw her hands in the air. "You have absolutely no evidence directly placing him in Olivia's apartment the night of the attack."

"Casey," I interrupted, "he was in the building the night she was attacked."

She crossed her arms. "Along with God-knows-how-many-other people."

"He beat up his girlfriend in the next apartment over." Munch tried.

"Any witnesses?"

"He stole her master keys to all the apartment rooms!"

"No, when she woke up they were missing. Did you find the keys on him?"

"Olivia IDed him!"

"After identifying Elliot as her attacker!"

"We found his DNA inside her!"

"You found someone's, and I don't have enough to subpoena his DNA to try and match it."

"So what are you saying?" I shouted, disbelief in my voice. "That you're just going to let the bastard go after what he did to Olivia!"

"No," she calmly lowered her voice and we locked eyes. "I'm saying that there is nothing within the legal system that I can do to prove that it was him. All your 'evidence,' " she turned to Cragen, "is circumstantial and will never get an indictment from any judge. Even if I tried to use it, his lawyer will poke holes through everything like I just did." Her voice was low and harsh as she spoke again. "So stop yelling at me and either you get a confession or find something that will hold up in court, or I have no case."

"We'd have plenty if we could get a DNA sample," John spat under his breath.

Casey turned to him, anger flashing in her eyes. "Then you better hope you have a pretty damn cooperative suspect then because like I said, I have nothing that would convince a judge to give me a warrant for that." Defensively, she started storming off, back to her office.

"Casey!" I ran after her, only getting her to stop once we were out of earshot of everyone else.

"What?" She whipped her head back around and glared at me, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Isn't there anything you could do? Any favors you could call in?" I begged, no longer feeling any anger towards her. "Something?"

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her expression softening. "You know I'd do anything to help Olivia after what she went through…" Her eyes traveled to the floor and I knew she was thinking about the night Olivia had spent at her apartment. If Olivia was acting anything like any other rape victim, then she probably woke up screaming every hour or so that night. "But being an SVU A.D.A., I owe more favors than are owed to me."

"Okay," I nodded, understanding that she'd gotten all of us, and her, out of so many jams that she'd probably more than depleted her resources. "Thanks anyway." I put my hand on her shoulder, a small attempt at comforting her. "Sorry about yelling… before."

"It's all right." She smiled and shrugged it off. Just before leaving, she stopped and caught my attention again. "Fin?"

"Yeah?"

"When you and John question him, be careful," she warned. "Whatever you do, try not to let him lawyer up. If he does…"

"We're screwed," I finished for her.

"Without a doubt," she confirmed.

"Got it." I nodded and walked back to the one way where John and the Cap seemed to be having a heated discussion.

"There is no way I'm letting this-"

"John!" I stepped between the two of them and put a hand on John's chest, pushing him away. "Chill man. This isn't what we need right now." I focused my gaze on John's face. It was slowly turning crimson red as his anger started boiling to the surface.

"What?" He snapped at me, turning his sights on anyone that dared to get in his way. "D'you get anything from kissing Casey's a-?"

"John, stop it!" Huang suddenly spoke up from behind Cragen. "Insulting people and pushing them away isn't going to solve things any faster."

"Whatever. I'm going in." He turned around and reached out for the doorknob to the room.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I stopped him. "Casey says that if he lawyers up we'll never find anything out. And beating him up will make him do just that."

"This coming from the man that slammed his face against a fire escape ladder!" John shot right back.

"That was an accident and he was resisting arrest!" I defended myself. Whether or not the first part was true…

"John, go back to the squad room," Cragen quietly ordered him. "Listen to your partner."

"But Cap!" Incredulity brought his normal color back. "You can't-"

"John, you are becoming way too invested." Just as John was about to open his mouth and fire back that we were all invested, he spoke again. "I know we all want to see him behind bars, but you are in no condition to interrogate him." We all heard the hesitance as he forced himself to say one last thing. "Argue with me again and I'll take you off the case," he threatened.

John's mouth literally fell open, as did mine. We all knew that John couldn't have been anymore invested in this case had it involved his own flesh and blood, but still, Cragen's threat must have cut him down to the bone. John would do anything to protect Olivia and get this guy and I think he'd sooner take a bullet to the heart before being taken off this. Though severe, the threat seemed effective.

"Can I at least watch?" He pleaded, talking about the one way.

Cragen mulled it over before answering. "Fine, but don't push it. I meant what I said."

John just nodded obediently, anything being better than being taken off this case.

"Anything we should know before we go in there?" Cragen turned to Huang.

He thought about before he answered him. "I think only one person should go in. Probably you," he nodded towards Cragen, "because he already has a grudge against Fin. He's used to being the outsider. So sympathize with him, accept him, be like a father figure and he should be all too happy to open up to you. Start with your own story and then work in Molly."

Cragen nodded in understanding and went to go inside.

"Oh, and be careful. If you push him into another outburst, a lawyer will probably be the first thing he requests."

"Yeah, no pressure," I sighed as the Cap walked in the room.

As soon as he closed the door, John and I stood on either side of Huang, staring at the mirror, making sure we could see all that went on.

"Hey Brent. How's your nose?" The Captain casually started small talk as he took a seat on the side of the table so that he was facing Brent but his back wasn't to the mirror.

"It's fine," Brent shrugged with a nonchalance tone.

"I'm sorry about my detective. He's too over-zealous sometimes." Cragen sat back in the chair and crossed his legs. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Talk to me about what?" He asked, careful not to show too much curiosity.

"Nothing really. Actually, I probably shouldn't be in here. I have another case that my superior wants me to work on. It's so ridiculous," he gave a half-chuckle. "Some broad and her husband got into this big fight."

"About what?" Brent easily fell into Cragen's trap.

"Okay," Cragen picked his leg up and leaned forward. "Now I shouldn't discuss this, but since you seem like a guy who'd understand, I'll make an exception. Now this guy works sixty hour weeks sometimes, so when he gets home from work he's a little tired, and understandably so, right?" Brent nodded, captivated. "Well one day he gets home and his wife accuses him of having an affair! Right out of nowhere! After he spent his life working just to support her and her kids, some of which, weren't even his."

"Really? What did he do?"

He shrugged. "Nothing, until the wife demanded that he pack his stuff up and leave. Leave his house! So he just pushed her around a little, showed her who was boss, nothing much. But now, all my detectives want me to lock this poor guy up!"

"That's rough," Brent nodded, as if he understood completely. "I know what he was feeling."

"You mean with Molly?" Cragen carefully worked her into the conversation.

"Yeah!" I could sense that even just the mention of her name made him livid.

"What did she do?"

"All right," Brent leaned forward and lowered his voice like he was telling an old buddy a secret. "So I take her out to this really expensive show, then I buy her a big, costly dinner afterwards at some fancy restaurant, right?"

"Then what?" He pressed, trying not to act too interested.

"Then we get home and I figure, I'll get a little action outta the whole deal, ya know?"

"After all that money you spent on her," Cragen pointed out, seeing where he was going.

"Exactly! So I start putting the moves on her, and ya know what the little bitch got the nerve to say to me?"

"What?"

"No!" He said like it was unthinkable, him being turned down. "She says 'not tonight Brent, I'm tired.' " He mocked her in a high-pitched voice.

"So what'd you do?"

"I pushed her around a little. Then she starts spazzing out and runs away, falling onto the floor. She was out cold and I left, taking the bitch's cards, paying myself back for the date." He leaned back, pleased with his actions.

"You didn't just push her around Brent." Cragen suddenly produced a manila folder as he stood up. "You broke her leg, bruised her ribs, gave her a concussion, a black eye!" At each injury, he produced a different picture from the folder and tossed it in front of Brent.

"What! No I didn't!" He shoved the pictures away from him and scrambled to his feet.

"Yes you did!" Cragen yelled. "And then when she became unconscious, you stole her keys and went to the next apartment over. Maybe to steal money, whatever the reason, then you ended up raping a woman!"

"Hey!" He started backing away from Cragen, knocking his chair over in the process. "I didn't rape anyone!"

"Then give us a DNA sample! Clear yourself!"

"No way! I've watched Court TV, you'll just frame me!" He backed into a corner, fear on his eyes for the first time since he'd been dragged in. "And I want a lawyer!"

"Damnit!" "Sonofabitch!" Munch and I cursed and he slammed his fist against the one way, both of us realizing that any case we had was now officially gone.


	30. 30 Benson

Chapter 30 - Benson

Thanks so much for the reviews Mika Tsuki, nem, LandofShadows, Katydidit, AglaiaWar, SVUchik18, qt-angel, volleylover, christopher-meloni-freak, Lady Padfoot II, queen of drama queens, stablerchic14, andviol8dbyalizzard.  
LandofShadows, thanks for reviewing! You're a late night reader too? Cool! ;) I'm a total night owl, that's why I'm always updating at night.  
I know you're all eager to find out what happens to Brent (Damn those legal technicalities!) but, you're just going to have to wait! ;)  
Here are two more chapters, just like I promised, Olivia and Elliot. Like I said before, this chapter is long, like 5,000 words compared to my normal 2,000. Anyway, I know it's supposed to be Olivia taking care of Elliot, but I couldn't help but add a slightly ironic twist to it. There is also a surprise guest in this chapter! More about them in the next chapter though.  
And also, some might find a certain other character slightly OOC at the end of this chapter, but you can always review and chew me out if you like. ;) Just as long as I keep you reading!

**Benson**

I gasped and shot straight up out of bed, my breathing heavy and ragged. I put my hand to my forehead and felt the cold sweat that was already forming. Collecting myself, I looked around, unfamiliar with my sights. Then I slowly realized that I was at Elliot's. As I shuffled around a few items on the night stand next to the bed, I finally found my watch. It was almost eight. It had only been two hours since the last nightmare that had woken me up. They weren't getting any better in their regularity. I still woke up every two hours, right on the dot more or less. But I was starting to control my reaction better. I didn't wake up screaming anymore, I just woke up.

I contemplated trying to squeeze a few more hours of sleep in, but I quickly thought, _screw it,_ and decided to take a cold shower to try and wake me up instead. I slid off of the bed and pulled a duffel bag off of the ground, or at least, I attempted to. _God Munch. Did you pack my whole dresser?_

I braced myself and managed to heave the heavy bag onto the bed. I started going through it, trying to find something to wear. I eventually settled on a simple outfit, a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. I tossed them, along with a few other bathroom necessities, into a bundle and picked it up in one arm. I was just about to open the door and go into the living room when I heard a clattering noise.

My hand froze in mid-air and I heard my heart begin to pound in my ears. _It can't be him,_ I told myself. _Munch and the guys already have a suspect. Hell, knowing them he's probably at the precinct right now, all of them probably grilling him. Besides,_ I tried to reason, _even if they don't have him, there is no way he could have followed me all the way here._ Despite that, I couldn't help but feel my mouth go dry as my shaking hand clasped the doorknob. _Elliot locked all the doors last night. If someone came in he would have heard…_ _Elliot! It's probably just him,_ I reassured myself.

Ignoring my fear, I suddenly yanked open the door. I can't even describe my relief as I saw Elliot standing in the kitchen, going through his cabinets. Suddenly, a pan fell from one of them, first hitting the counter, then the floor, causing a noise like the one I had just heard. Elliot's hands shot out to catch it, but not even he was that quick. He winced at each noise it made.

"Morning Mr. Graceful," I greeted him. At the sound of my voice he jumped, startled. His sudden movement caused another pan to follow the other. His reaction to that was the same as he turned around to face me. "Aren't I the one who's supposed to be jumpy?" I pointed to myself with my free hand.

"I'm sorry," he gave a meek smile. "Did I wake you up?"

I shook my head and grinned at him. "Nah. I just got up a few minutes ago. So what are you doing?" I asked as he went back to opening and closing cupboard doors.

"Looking for a coffee maker," he explained. "I brought one with me when I moved in, but now I can't find it."

"Why would it be buried away up there?" I wondered.

"Well," he sighed and turned around, either giving up completely or waiting until I was done questioning him to continue. "Normally I just stopped somewhere on my way to work. I never really had the need for it so I packed it away."

"Good idea," I stated sarcastically.

"Hah hah," he said, annoyed. I knew how he was without his morning caffeine pick-me-up.

"Go to bed," I repeated for about the tenth time since I'd been here. "I'm gonna take a shower and then I'll run out and get some coffee."

"_You_," he pointed at me accusingly, "are seriously wearing out your welcome." I just smirked at him, knowing he was joking. He started going into his bedroom, but stopped when something suddenly occurred to him. "By the way, I haven't got around to washing the towels yet."

"Wonderful," I scrunched my face up in mock disgust.

"Relax," he rolled his eyes at me and went into his bedroom. A couple seconds later, he came out with a robe in his hands. "Use this," he shrugged, tossing it at me.

"Thanks…" I said hesitantly, holding it up by the collar with my one free hand. It was obviously Elliot's.

"It's clean," he assured me.

"All right," I shrugged, deciding it was better than nothing.

About ten minutes later, I was already stepping out of the shower. I never took long showers. I'd just never really seen the point to it. My hair hadn't really ever been much past shoulder-length, not requiring much care in the shower.

Leaning past the shower curtain, I reached out and grab the robe Elliot had given me. As I slipped it on, I realized how soft it was. It was a rich blue color, made of crushed velvet. It was also so big that it easily covered me, wrapping around me almost twice, the sleeves ending way past my hands, and it almost dragging on the floor behind me. I quickly tied it off around my waist when I heard a knock. It wasn't on the bathroom door. It sounded like it was coming from the front door.

"Hey Olivia! Are you gonna get that or do I have the master's permission to answer it myself?" By the tone of Elliot's voice, I knew he was just being obnoxious, partly due to his lack of caffeine and partly because I had damned him to two more days of bed rest.

"Stay in bed!" I yelled, stepping out of the bathroom. "I got it!" I had to smile as I heard Elliot grumbling to himself. I think the next 48 were going to kill him.

As I walked to the front door, almost tripping over the front of the robe, a thought suddenly occurred to me. _What if it was Cragen or Fin or Munch at the door?_ Them seeing me in Elliot's robe at Elliot's house at eight in the morning would definitely not look good.

The knocking started again and I suddenly realized that it more than likely wasn't them. This knocking was light, polite. The three of them would just incessantly bang until the door opened or their hands fell off, whichever came first.

"Hello?" I turned the knob and pulled the door open, a cold rush of air shocking my face. I didn't even notice that compared to what I saw on Elliot's doorstep. "K-Kathy?" I was only slightly aware of my mouth gaping open as I came face to face with Elliot's wife, or soon to be ex.

"Olivia?" I saw the same innocent shock on her face as she suddenly realized who I was. Her shocked expression quickly contorted into suppressed anger. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just… I…" I couldn't even bring myself to form a complete sentence.

"What are you wearing!" As she screeched at me, I knew she was no longer trying to control her anger.

As I looked down, I suddenly realized what this looked like. Here I was, answering Elliot's door at the crack of dawn wearing nothing but his robe. I could easily imagine what was going through her head as she watched me. "Kathy," I started, desperate to explain. "This isn't what it-"

I was suddenly interrupted by a voice from inside. "Hey Liv! Who's there?" Elliot's voice was crystal clear as it came from his bedroom, only adding to the already horrible scene.

"Oh my God!" Hatred poured from her eyes as she glared at me. "I knew it!" She shrieked in a twistedly victorious voice. "I knew you were sleeping with him!"

"Kathy, no," I pleaded, trying to explain. "We aren't. I can explain. This isn't what it looks li-"

"All those nights when he stayed late to work, or never came home at all, that was you!" She pointed her finger at me, brandishing it like it was a knife or something. "He was with you! You slut! I knew he was having an affair!"

"Kathy, please, listen to me." I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes with her accusations. "It's not-"

"Why should I listen to you!" Her face was bright red as she continued screaming at me. "You destroyed my marriage you… you… whore!" As she screamed the last word at me, I saw her fist open. I instantly recoiled, thinking she was going to slap me. By the look in her eyes, I realized she wanted to, but instead she just spun on her heels and ran down the steps. "And by the way," she yelled up the stairs at me. "You can tell your boyfriend that I'll have my attorney send him the final divorce papers by tomorrow!" With that last declaration, she opened her car door and got in, slamming it behind her. She started the ignition and sped off, her tires squeaking against the pavement as she left black skid marks on the road.

I just stood there, watching as her car drove out of sight. I couldn't move. I was still paralyzed in place by the accusations that had just been thrown at me. My mind just kept replying that scene in my head as stood in the cold, still dumbfounded.

"Olivia? Are you okay?" I don't know how long I'd been standing there when Elliot's voice suddenly trailed into the living room from his bedroom, snapping me back to reality. It was only then that I realized I was shivering. I was still wet from the shower and being in the freezing cold was mixing with that.

I quickly went back inside and closed the door. I still didn't know what to do, so I just propped my back against the door and leaned there, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

"Liv?" I heard Elliot's voice coming closer and I looked up. He was walking towards me, suddenly turning into a sprint when he saw my face. "Liv! Oh my God!" He stood in front of me, looking me up and down. "You're shaking Liv! What happened?" He looked at me, a mix of worry and bewilderment in his face.

"K-Ka…Ka," I stuttered from the cold, not able to keep my teeth from chattering.

"What?" Alarm flashed in his eyes as he brought his hand to my cheek. "Oh my God Liv! You're freezing!"

"K-Kath-th…" I tried to talk again and to no avail.

"Come here." Elliot ignored my attempts at speech and tried to get me to follow him. I tried to walk, but my legs felt like jell-o. I felt spasms start to go through my arms and legs as I continued shaking.

I heard Elliot curse under his breath as he realized that I couldn't walk. Suddenly, he leaned over and put one of his arms under my knees and the other behind my neck, scooping me up in his arms. As soon as I was settled in his arms, he sprinted back towards his bedroom.

Once there, he ripped the sheets from the bed and set me down, carefully resting my head against a pillow. I watched on helplessly as Elliot circled the bed, gathering all the sheets in his arms. He then dragged them towards me, throwing them over my shaking body.

"Hold on Liv," he put a hand on my shoulder before running out of the room, trying to hide the terrified look on his face. I listened to him in the other room. While I waited for him to come back, I heard the beeps of a microwave.

It was barely a minute later when he flew back in, carrying what looked like a beanbag that was about a foot long and half a foot wide. I realized what the microwave noises were from as he took it and carefully placed it horizontally over my forehead. It was steaming hot against my cold skin. It was obviously a heating pack that he had just put in the microwave.

"Are you okay Liv?" I could easily read the fear in his eyes as he tucked the sheets under me, wrapping them tighter. "What happened?" He cupped my cheek in his hand, trying to warm me up.

I opened my mouth to answer, but my teeth were still ceaselessly chattering, the clicking noise beginning to give me a headache. Even though, I slowly felt Elliot's attempts working. I felt some of my body warmth coming back, the spasms stopping. Then finally, I managed to regain control of my mouth.

"K-Kathy… at the door…" I started. "I-I tried… stop…" Though I could speak, my sentences were breaking up.

"Kathy?" Confusion twisted his features as he listened to me. "Olivia, don't try to talk. Just get warm first." He ran his hands up and down the sides of the sheets, right where my arms were, to try and create friction heat.

After a few more minutes, I steadily became warmer and warmer, finally stopping my body from shaking. Elliot noticed right away and was quick to start on me.

"Liv, are you okay?" He searched my face as I suddenly started to sit up, keeping the blankets around my shoulders.

"Yeah." I nodded, feeling the heating pack slip from my head. Elliot caught it and wrapped his arms behind my head, resting the pack on the back of my neck.

"What were you doing?" He looked at me, both worried and disbelieving. "You could have gone into shock."

"Elliot…" I pulled out my arm from under the foot-thick layer of sheets and placed in on his knee. "Listen to me…" I swallowed the hard lump forming in my throat and started telling him everything, right from the beginning.

Twenty minutes later, Elliot and I sat in silence once I had finished. There was an indescribable look on his face as he studied his lap, not looking me in the eye.

"El, I'm so sorry," I suddenly burst out, guilt over-coming me. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't of accused you in the first place."

"Liv," a smile played on his lips as he took my hands in his. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Kathy and I were headed for divorce a long time before this. It never had anything to do with you."

"But she said-"

"Olivia, Kathy left me, all right? She took the kids and left all on her own. She ended it, not you. She just needs someone to blame to justify her actions."

"Still, you have to go talk to her," I brought up for the first time.

"Why?" He gave me a strange look.

"Because she's still your wife, legally, and she'll always be the mother of your kids. Even if you can't fix your marriage, try to fix your relationship with her. Explain things, listen to her, try to work it out so that you don't hate each other. You know your kids deserve at least that."

Once I was done, I watched as Elliot's eyes glistened at my little speech. Suddenly, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Thanks Liv. I don't know what I'd do without you."

--XXX--

_I hope everything goes okay,_ I prayed to myself, long after Elliot had left. After he made me eat a whole bowl of chicken noodle soup - "only fair" after me making him eat it that first day home - and promise that I'd take it easy, he'd left to go talk to Kathy. I had to resist the urge to tell _him_ to take it easy as well. If we wanted to get technical here, he was supposed to be the one confined to a bed, not me. But I knew he had to patch things together with Kathy first.

Suddenly, I heard my cell phone start ringing. Startled at first, I quickly ran into the bedroom I'd slept in last night. I searched and listened, finally finding it.

"Benson," I answered it.

"Hey Olivia." I instantly recognized the voice and was surprised to hear from him.

"Captain? Hi." I sat at the foot of the bed as I spoke into the cell phone.

"How are you doing?" There was a gentleness in his voice that I'd only heard on rare occasions before.

I nodded my head, then realizing I was on the phone, "I'm doing pretty good." I decided to leave out the incident with Kathy. I could already tell that Elliot would probably not give me five seconds alone after how much I had scared him, and I didn't need the Captain doing that either.

"Glad to hear that." I could hear the smile in his voice as he said that. "I just wanted to call and tell you and Elliot that you two can take off as much time as you need."

I suddenly gasped when he said that. In all that had happened, I'd completely forgotten to call him and ask for time off.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call you sooner. I was going to, but it just slipped my mind."

"It's okay Olivia. I know." And just by his tone, I could tell that he did.

"Thanks Don," I smiled into the phone. "The doctor told Elliot to stay in bed for the next few days. We should be fine to come back after that."

"Oh." I heard Cragen's voice lose its gentleness and confidence. "Okay."

"Is something wrong?" I knew there was, but I seriously doubt if he'd tell me.

"No," he tried to hide his slip-up. "Nothing's wrong. I'll give you a call later, okay?"

"Sure."

"Take care Liv." And with that, the line went dead. Flipping the phone shut, I tried to figure out what that was all about. After five minutes of pondering, I shrugged it off, assuming I was better off not knowing.

With that done and the house all to myself, I wondered what I should do now. I toyed with idea of watching TV, but decided against it.

_I need a hobby,_ I realized, heading back into the living room. Ever since I graduated from the academy and joined the SVU team, I'd never had a need for any hobby to fill my free time, simply because I didn't have any. I was always at work, jumping at the chance to pull all-nighters or work over-time for a case I was really dedicated to. I wasn't an avid reader – of anything but files and paperwork -, I didn't knit, I didn't crochet, I didn't shop or collect things… As I thought about it, I realized I didn't do much of anything.

Flopping onto the couch, a stereo system suddenly caught my eyes. _Why not?_ I wondered to myself as I made my way over to it. Sitting next to the system was a CD book. I picked it up and started flipping through it, wondering what kind of music Elliot listened to. I read each artist aloud as I came across it, getting more confused with each one.

"Simple Plan, 50 Cent, Green Day, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez?" _All right, unless I have seriously missed something about Elliot, these aren't his._ I flipped back to the front of the book and read the cover. "Maureen." I nodded my head. "Well that explains it." Not finding anything else worth listening to, I just decided to take my chances with the radio. I turned it on and just started scanning through stations, not sure what I was looking for. There was only two stations that would even come in, some talk show and a country station. Not even caring at this point, I flipped the country station on went back to the couch.

"And a good morning to all you folks out there listening to KTL 105." I groaned as I listened to the bubbly host. If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was morning people all hyped up on coffee when I didn't have any of my own. "Here's a new one for you by Jo Dee Messina off her new album called Delicious Surprise. It's called 'It Gets Better.' "

_For you maybe, _I thought to myself as I went to change it, expecting some perky, bubble gum song. Instead, a quiet, almost sad melody started playing.

"This old world can be cruel sometimes  
Been looking for answers you can't seem to find  
No one understands what you're going through  
Oh I know that it can get lonely out there  
When you feel like nobody cares  
You look around thinking 'if they only knew'  
Well I do

"I felt the chill of this world cut down to the bone  
I've walked many a mile on this road on my own  
I've been through hell on my knees  
Come face to face with the devil  
And I know that it's hard to believe  
But it gets better"

I slowly brought my hand away from the dial, fully absorbing the lyrics as I heard them. I almost felt like the song was speaking to me, making me wonder if it playing now was a coincidence or something more.

"Time is a healer, but we can't see how  
When we're caught in the moment and the hurting is now  
We don't wanna see that maybe some things  
Weren't meant to figure out

"I felt the chill of this world cut down to the bone  
I've walked many a mile on this road on my own  
I've been through hell on my knees  
Come face to face with the devil  
And I know that it's hard to believe  
But it gets better"

I felt tears gathering at the corner of my eyes, the words striking a cord in my heart. I couldn't have put my feelings into words any better had I tried.

"This old world, it can be cruel sometimes  
When you're looking for answers, well just keep in mind  
Know you're not alone  
We're all trying to find our way through this life

"I felt the chill of this world cut down to the bone  
I've walked many a mile down this road on my own  
I've been through hell on my knees  
Come face to face with the devil  
And I know that it's hard to believe  
But it gets better  
Oh, it gets better…"

_Easy for you to say…_ I thought miserably, wishing that it were a real person I was listening to, not just a song. _I could really use someone who understands._

Just as the song ended, I heard the door softly open, revealing Elliot.

"Hey El." I tried to casually wipe my eyes so that he wouldn't notice.

"Hey Liv." There was a sorrowful hollowness in his voice as he gave me a sad smile. He was trying to hide it, but failing miserably as he did so.

"What's wrong?" I walked up towards him, his behavior worrying me.

"Nothing," he flagrantly lied, suddenly holding something up. "I bought you some coffee," he offered, deferring the subject from himself.

"Thanks." I smiled and accepted, still searching his face. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah," he nodded and forced his lips into a completely fake grin. "I'm fine. Actually, I'm tired, so I'm just going to go back to bed."

"Okay." I nodded and moved out of his way, carefully watching him make his way to his bedroom.

Staring at the coffee in my hands, I knew that something was wrong with Elliot. He could try to hide it from me, but I saw it clear as day.

Putting the coffee down on the kitchen counter, I carefully crept towards the door so that he wouldn't hear me. Looking through the doorway, I saw Elliot sitting on his bed, a picture in his hands. His eyes were glittering in tears as he ran his hand over it. I stepped closer until I was finally able to make out the people in the photo.

My heart throbbed with guilt as I recognized it. It was a picture of Elliot, his arms around Kathy, both of them laughing and looking so in love as they twirled around a dance floor. It looked like it was only a few years old. Turning back to look at him, I saw the longing and pain that poured from his eyes as he stared at the picture.

I quickly turned my back to the door so that Elliot wouldn't feel me watching him. Thinking back to the hurt I saw on his eyes, I abruptly understood how selfish I was being. Here I was, moaning and pitying myself over nothing while my partner was watching his life fall apart in front of his eyes.

I tilted my head up and leaned against the wall for support. I had put Elliot through so much, then taken advantage of his hospitality, all without realizing what he himself was already going through.

I couldn't fix his marriage, I couldn't take back the past few days, but I could be there for my partner, my best friend.

Taking a deep breath, I walked into Elliot's room, not feeling a need to knock. He instantly felt my presence and looked up, the tears still in his eyes. Neither of us said a thing as I walked over to the bed. I covered my face in empathy as I sat down on the bed next to him.

Then, at the exact same moment, I opened my arms and Elliot fell into them, still allowing no tears to fall from his eyes. I knew he was too strong for that. He may be hurt, but he'd never actually allow himself to cry, not in front of me.

"It's okay El." I rested my hands on his back as he buried his face into my shoulder, the unshed tears drying on the material of my shirt. "It'll be okay." I ran my hands up and down his back, trying to comfort him.

"I still love her Liv," he whispered in a shaky voice, like he was in a daze. "I still love her."

"I know you do El. I know." As I squeezed him tighter in my arms, I silently cursed Kathy. Elliot had been nothing but a good husband to her and a wonderful father to her children, their children. He did whatever he had to in order to care and provide for his family. He was an amazing person. He didn't deserve to be hurt like this, not him…


	31. 31 Stabler

Chapter 31 - Stabler

Now, I just want to talk about Kathy for a second. In almost every story I read on here, Kathy is always portrayed like this. As a jealous, crazy, almost pyschopathic, 'you're having an affair with Olivia,' witch, and well, I shall be no exception! Though mine are different reasons for doing so than most. (Figure that out. ;) Anyway, back to the story!

Lyrics by Tim McGraw – Angry All The Time

_Here we are  
What is left of a husband and a wife  
With four good kids  
Who have a way of getting on with their lives  
And I'm not old, but I'm getting a whole lot older everyday  
It's too late to keep from going crazy  
I've got to get away  
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
And you ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time  
Our kids are strong now  
The spitting image of you when you were young  
I hope someday they see past what you have become  
And I remember every time I said I'd never leave  
But what I can't live with is memories of the way you used to be  
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
And you ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time  
Twenty years have came and went since I walked out of your door  
I never quite made it back to the one I was before  
And God it hurts me to think of you for the light in your eyes was gone  
And sometimes I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone  
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love  
And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough  
And you ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind  
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time  
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time  
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time…_

****

Stabler

As I drove towards my house – _Not your house anymore, Kathy's._ – or, Kathy's house, my conversation with Olivia was still reeling in my mind. I understood what Kathy had been thinking when she saw Olivia. Had it been me finding a man in Kathy's robe answering her door at eight in the morning, I probably would have beaten the crap out of him.

That's why I had to talk to Kathy, explain that it wasn't what she thought. My wife or not, I didn't want her to be hurt like that.

I was so preoccupied in thinking about things that I almost passed it. Quickly pulling over, I parked the car and got out.

Standing behind the door, I starting knocking, praying that she'd answer and let me in.

"Yeah?" Kathy opened the door, her face blank until she saw me. "What do you want?" She snapped, glaring venomously at me.

"I want to talk Kathy. Olivia told me what happened and I know what it looks like, but I can explain." I held my hand out to catch the door, in the very likely event that she slammed it in my face.

She crossed her eyes at me as she thought about it for a moment. Finally, she moved away from the door, not saying a thing.

Stepping in and shutting the door behind me, I turned to her. Before I could start explaining, she suddenly started shrieking at me.

"I can't believe you! You were sleeping with her! I was right! How could you have an affair!"

I recoiled with each cold sentence that she spat at me. "Kathy, I'm not having an affair!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure _she_ just happened to answer the door at the crack of dawn wearing _you're_ robe." She droned sarcastically.

"She was just staying with me, Kath." I looked in her eyes, trying to find some small hint that she believed me. "There's nothing-" Unfortunately, my explanations weren't getting through to her.

"All those nights you had to work late, or stay out all night, you were with her, weren't you?" Her eyes burned right through me.

"Yeah, I was with her, working! She's just my partner and my friend, nothing else."

"Oh right, like I'm supposed to believe that. How gullible do you think I a-"

"Damnit Kathy!" I suddenly screamed. "She was raped, all right!" I glared at her with accusing eyes. "She was attacked in her apartment and she thought it was me. It was just someone who looked like me, but…" My voice drifted off and I thought my outburst would be enough to end her ridiculous accusations.

"But what!" Kathy yelled right back, not even that enough to convince her to back off. "So you shack up with the slut?"

I blinked my eyes and tried to make sure I heard her right. "My God Kathy. What happened to you? Are you so caught up in your own little world of jealousy that you can't feel the slightest bit of sympathy towards someone who was raped?" I never really talked about my job at home, but I never thought she didn't understand.

"Maybe if she wasn't the reason for our marriage falling apart!" Kathy defended herself.

"Hey!" I growled and pointed a finger at her. "Don't you dare bring her into that. It had nothing to do with her. And if I remember correctly, you're the one who packed up the kids and moved in with your parents."

"Because you were never home! The kids and I hardly ever saw you anymore. You'd always creep into the house long after we went to bed and leave before we woke up. You were never there for them or me."

I sucked in a huge breath of air as she said that, feeling like she sliced a knife through my heart. My voice was low and hurt as I spoke again. "I was always there for you and the kids. I've spent my life caring for you, providing for you, and loving you. I've loved you since the day I met you and I haven't stopped now. I'm sorry if you felt like I didn't, but I always tried to do whatever I could to make this marriage work." I stared at Kathy, watching her eyes water with tears.

"Except when it came between me and Olivia," she whispered in pain.

_That_ was the moment I realized my relationship with Kathy could never be the same. I never saw it, but somewhere over the years, Kathy had become a completely different person from the woman I married. Something inside her had turned cold, creating a scared, jealous person in place of the woman I knew. I would always love her, for the rest of my life. But I could do this no more. I just couldn't put myself or my children through this anymore. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm sorry Kathy." I took a deep breath and searched her eyes. "I'm sorry it had to end like this. I'll always love you, but I can't do this anymore." Waiting for a moment, I turned around and put my hand around the doorknob.

"So," Kathy's voice halted me for a second, "this is how it ends. With you leaving me and defending her."

I felt my hand subconsciously clutch the doorknob tighter. Languidly, I turned my head back towards her. I tried to hide my pain and hurt expression as I spoke one last time. "Good-bye Kathy." And with that, I was gone.


	32. 32 Munch

Chapter 32 – Munch

Thanks to nem, Katydidit, tria246815, qt-angel, Lady Padfoot II, steph, christopher-meloni-freak, SVUchik18, stablerchic14, emma, AglaiaWar, and Mika Tsuki for reviewing!  
Katydidit, my most loyal reviewer! With Kathy, I really don't know too much about her. I've seen some episodes with her in it and I don't think she's really all that bad. - Or at least she wasn't until she left Elliot (that part was true). - But, having her be a psycho in this story just went along with my plot.  
SVUchik18, thanks for the reviews! Yeah, in my story, Kathy thought that Olivia and Elliot were sleeping together, having an affair. Kathy was the unexpected guest, yeah. Bring Alex back? I never would have thought of that. I'll consider it - any suggestions are welcome like I've said - but I'm not sure if I want to take it there. We'll see.  
AglaiaWar, thanks for reviewing! I know, I switch things up all the time. I just like keeping everyone on their toes! Like I've said before, my stories are emotional roller coasters. If you don't like something, give it a chapter to change and it probably will! ;)

Just an author's note here, I made up Olivia being a cook, I don't know if she really is, and I also made up Munch's vegetable preferences, all this stuff really just to try and get things somewhat back to normal. Then again, I don't know if this is really normal for them, but... Anyway, I'll stop rambling and give you another update, Munch.  
Also, I had to bring Munch to the rescue again! ;) 

Lyrics by Billy Gilman – One Voice

_We need some help  
Down here on earth  
A thousand prayers  
A million words  
But one voice was heard  
A house on a neighborhood  
Where you could ride your new bike to school  
A kind of world where Mom and Dad  
Still believe the golden rule  
Life's not that simple  
Down here on earth  
A thousand prayers  
A million words  
But one voice was heard  
One voice  
One simple word  
Hearts know what to say  
One dream can change the world  
Keep believing 'til you find a way  
Thanks for the help  
Down here on earth  
A thousand prayers  
A million words  
But one voice was heard…_

**Munch**

_This can't be happening… This is just a sick dream that I'll wake up from. It can't be true. That bastard couldn't have gotten away with what he did to Olivia._ Even as I thought that, I knew he had. The scumbag lawyer that the state sent to defend him had refused to let him say another word. Casey had been able to keep him at Riker's because of his confession. She was charging him with assault, attempted rape, and robbery, but of course his lawyer already filed a motion to throw the confession out because he "was coerced into it". She said that it was possible that a judge might throw it out, but she'd do anything in her power to fight to keep it in.

Even if Casey was able to win and get him indicted, it was his first offense and any judge would probably be lenient on him. He'd get about seven years, plea it down to five, and get out in two or three on parole. Not only did that mean that Olivia's rapist would be out on the street, but she'd also get absolutely no justice. The system she'd dedicated her life to had let her down, all because of idiotic legal technicalities. She'd never she him behind bars for what he did to her, because we couldn't find anything that'd give us a DNA sample warrant.

The three of us, Cragen, Fin, and I, were in the squad room. Cragen was emotionless as he flipped through a filing cabinet, trying to catch up on some paperwork, and keep his mind off the case. Fin, the stubborn one he was, refused to give up on Brent. He was still frantically searching through anything in his history that we could get a warrant from. He'd read the same papers about twenty times over. I was just staring at my blank computer screen, trying to muster up enough energy to start the paperwork on a case I had. It had been this way all morning. None of us spoke about it because we knew we'd just be snapped off by the other two. Until this guy was indicted for attacking Olivia, or Olivia came back, this office was just a pressure cooker, filled with frazzled nerves and anger.

We all felt responsible for letting Olivia down, but I took it really hard. I was the only one who really saw everything this was doing to her first hand. I already had a pretty good idea of her reaction when she found out we'd failed her. I tried not to think about that.

Every time I closed my eyes, there he was, either breaking into Olivia's apartment, watching TV as if nothing had ever happened, or jumping out the window as he tried to escape. I kept replying that last scene in my head, observing as Fin sent his face flying into that ladder. That second was the first time I had truly smiled in a while.

_Why couldn't we just get that damn blood sample warrant!_

"Oh my God." I heard my stunned voice break the silence as I had a sudden realization.

"What?" Fin looked up and spoke. The Captain had gone back into his office.

"I can't believe it!" I scrambled to my feet and took off down the halls, towards the room we'd held Brent in during questioning.

"Hey! What is it?" I heard Fin's footsteps behind me.

"I'm an idiot," I told him, looking around the room. My eyes finally settled on it – the wastebasket.

"I know that," he sighed. "But what's that got to do with anything?"

"Everything." I got to my knees and started looking through it, quickly realizing the cleaning staff had been here already and emptied it. "Where do they take the trash after they empty it?"

"Ask him." He pointed to a teenager pushing a big trash can with wheels down the hall. He was going into the interrogation rooms, bringing out the small plastic bags from the wastebaskets.

"Kid! Kid!" I jumped up and took after him, trying not to tackle the kid as I came up behind him.

"Yeah?" His eyes widened in guilt when he realized that I was a cop. "Sir, I'm just doing my job, really." He quickly started defending himself.

"Good for you," I snapped. "Did you take the trash from that room?" I pointed down the hall.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Why?"

"Where is it?"

"In here." He went over to the trash can and pointed. "Why?"

"I need it."

The kid gave me a strange look before he nodded again. "Okay." Adjusting the gloves on his hands, he leaned over and hesitantly began shuffling through it. "Here." He pulled a plastic bag out and handed it to me, slightly disgusted.

"Are you sure this is it?" I asked, grabbing it by the handle.

"Yeah. I remembered thinking it was really gross because there were tons of bloody tissues in it. And I thought someone must of really beat the crap out of a guy." His eyes flashed when he said that, a sure sign that this kid was an aspiring cop, in it because he thought we spent all our time senselessly beating perps.

I turned the bag in my hands. Sure enough, I saw the crimson colored tissues in it.

"John, what the hell you doing with that?" Fin came up to me as the kid left.

"I can't believe I didn't think of it before," I smiled.

"What?"

"After you smacked the bastard's nose against the ladder, he had to stop the bleeding right?"

Fin's eyes lit up, the same realization hitting him. "Of course."

"Giving us a whole trash bag full of DNA," I grinned, absolutely ecstatic with myself.

"Come on!" He took off running back towards the squad room, motioning for me to follow.

A few minutes later, we burst into Cragen's office, first Fin, then me.

"What is it?" Cragen asked, irritated at us barging in.

"This." I held the bag up triumphantly.

"Trash?" He looked at me like I had lost it.

"Trash with a ton of Brent's bloody tissues in it," Fin clarified.

"You, John, Warner's lab. Now!" Even I could see the excitement in his eyes as he realized what we had.

"Come on!" This time, I pulled Fin along with me. "You drive." I instantly regretted those words the second I spoke them.

--XXX--

As Fin and I walked down the hallway with Casey, I felt like a kid at Christmas. We'd finally gotten the tests back from Warner. The blood on the tissues was a match to the semen found in Olivia's rape kit. We finally had him.

Now Fin and I were accompanying Casey to a meeting with Brent and his lawyer. We stood back and let a guard open the cell. Stepping in, I saw Brent sitting at the table, his cuffed hands on top of the table and his lawyer next to him.

"What is this about Miss Novak?" The young and cocky lawyer crossed his arms, staring at us as Casey sat across from him. He was still a baby, just barely out of law school as he tried to gain a foothold in the system. He was also incredibly over-confident in his abilities. I couldn't wait for Casey to knock him off his pedestal.

"This is about a plea bargain for your client." She folded her hands over her briefcase, very collected.

"Assault two and robbery." He said, throwing his offer on the table. "He'll be out in two after parole." The judge had kept the confession in.

"Well," she shrugged, secretly knowing that she had the upper hand. "That might be fine if he hadn't raped a woman."

"I didn't rape that bitch!" Brent pounded his fist on the table, not getting the slightest reaction from Casey. His lawyer placed his hands over his, telling him to calm down.

"Molly Bates?" Casey produced two manila folders. "No. You just used her as a rag doll." Out of one, she pulled out the same pictures that Cragen had showed him. "But you did rape her." From the second folder, she pulled pictures of Olivia out, clearly documenting the cuts and bruises on her face, arms, and legs. One look and I had to turn my eyes away from them.

"You have absolutely no proof!" The lawyer declared almost too quickly, Casey beginning to get to him. "Besides, you never got a warrant for a DNA sample from my client, so you can't tell a jury whether or not it was his semen inside that detective."

"No," Casey agreed, a slight smile on her face, "we didn't get a warrant, but we did get his blood." She pulled out an evidence bag from her briefcase and placed it in front of Brent. "You left these in the interrogation room," she informed him, watching as his eyes traveled over the bloody tissues inside.

"What are these?" The lawyer looked at them, but seemed too revolted to pick it up.

"These are tissues covered in his blood, the blood that has the same DNA as the semen inside her," she pointed towards Olivia's picture, trying not to yell.

"Hey! Those are from when the detective broke my nose!" He looked up towards Fin. "You!"

"If what my client says is true," the flustered kid tried to cover his confusion and the fact that he wasn't aware of this before, "then I'll have a judge throw it out of evidence."

"Your client obviously didn't tell you what happened," Casey informed him, not abashed at all by his threats. "Mr. Silvestri was resisting arrest. Detective Tutuola only tackled him after he'd jumped down three stories on a fire escape. He had every reason to think he was going to run and do whatever he could to stop him. No judge will throw it out."

The lawyer's face slightly paled, realizing that she was right. He looked from Brent, to the tissues, then to Casey.

--XXX--

"How'd it go?" Cragen stood up as the three of us walked into the squad room.

"He took the deal," Casey grinned. "He'll be in jail at least fifteen years before he's even considered for parole."

"That's great." Slowly, Cragen's lips turned into a smile, something I don't think I've ever seen before.

"Yeah." She stepped back towards the door. "Well, I have to go catch up on my paperwork. You'll let her know, right?" She asked, referring to Olivia.

"Yeah," I nodded, basically volunteering myself.

"Okay." She smiled and nodded as she headed outside.

"Casey?" I walked outside of Cragen's office, pushing the door back.

"Yeah?" She turned back around and waited.

"Thanks, for getting him." I said somewhat sheepishly.

"No problem." She grinned and put her hand on my shoulder. "Besides, I couldn't have done it without those tissues you found." Then she turned and left the squad room, heading back to her office. I went back into the Captain's office, completely shutting the door behind me.

"So, who wants to go tell her?" Cragen looked back and forth between Fin and me.

"I think John should." Fin nodded towards me, pleased with everything as well. "If you didn't think of the tissues, we wouldn't have gotten him."

"Yeah," I agreed. "But if you hadn't bashed his nose in with the ladder, they wouldn't have existed."

"He was resisting arrest," he smiled, proud of himself as well.

--XXX--

Standing at Elliot's front door, it felt all too familiar. This time though, I was the bearer of good news. I don't think the grin left my face the entire drive over here. Trying not to look too happy, I knocked on the door.

"Hold on!" I heard Olivia's voice yell, followed by some shuffling noises. "Hey John." She pulled the door open and greeted me with a smile. "Come in." She ushered me in and quickly closed the door behind me.

"Hey." Elliot greeted me with a wave of his hand. He was sitting in an over-sized chair, his legs propped up by a matching foot rest.

"Hey. She let you out of bed?" I joked, remembering what he'd said about her not even letting him sit up the other day.

"Would you stop blaming me?" She playfully shoved my arm as she walked by and into the kitchen. "I am simply following the doctors orders to make sure my brother says in bed." As she walked by Elliot, she ran her hand over his head.

"Brother?" I looked at him quizzically.

"Long story." He smiled and shrugged it off. "Hey," he got my attention. "Do you think you could go in there?" He pointed to the kitchen. "Make sure she's not burning anything or turning my kitchen upside down?"

"I heard that!" Olivia's voice rang out from the kitchen. "I am not totally incompetent Elliot. And I can cook!" We both smiled at her usual spiciness. Deciding to go talk to her alone, I went into the kitchen anyway.

"Whatca making?" I asked, stepping past the doorway.

She was standing in front of the refrigerator, pulling out a stick of butter. Carrying it over towards the stove, she answered, "Baked chicken, angel hair pasta, and green beans."

"Wow," I was genuinely impressed with the menu as I watched her pour some milk into a pan on the stove. "I didn't know you cooked."

I watched her smile as she added the butter. "Yeah. I guess it's my hidden talent. Though some people refuse to admit to themselves that I can!" With the last sentence, she raised her voice loud enough so that Elliot could hear her.

"Right!" I heard his disbelieving voice yell back.

She just rolled her eyes and pulled a plastic container out, fresh green beans inside.

"Geez. Real green beans? I don't think I've ever seen them outside of a can, or frozen." I remarked.

She laughed and looked up at me as she held the container in the sink under running water, washing them off. "You mean four wives and not one of them ever cooked fresh vegetables for you?"

"No." I shook my head. "Why bother when you can just open a can or a bag into a pan?"

She frowned and shook her head. "I've never liked vegetables like that, too much sugars and artificial things. Then again," she brought the washed vegetables over the island in the middle of the kitchen, "I suppose that explains why you like them."

I grinned at her comment. Everyone knew I had an incredible sweet tooth. I blamed my parents for never letting me have any when I was a kid, now over-compensating as an adult.

I watched as she pulled each one out, one at a time and methodically snapping off the ends.

"Hey," she felt me watching her and suddenly looked up. "How about you come here and help me instead of just watching?"

"Sure." I washed my hands and stood next to her. "What do I do?"

"Just take them," she picked one up, "and snap the ends off." She demonstrated, holding them up once she was finished.

"Okay." Simple enough, I thought, picking one up. With each one, I slowly started developing a rhythm.

"Perfect." She watched me for a moment before going back to the stove. "Hey John?"

"Yeah?" I didn't look up, not wanting to lose my rhythm and pace.

"You want to stay for dinner? I have more than enough food. And I don't think El'd mind, he'd probably appreciate having someone else here. I think I'm starting to bug him." The way she sounded, it seemed like she was pleased.

"Oh, no." I declined her offer politely. "I wouldn't want to bother you."

She laughed as I said that, causing me to look up. "Since when do you care about being a bother? Besides, it's no problem."

The corners of my lip curled into a grin as I listened to her. "Well, I would like to see how these turn out." I referred to the green beans as I finished the last one.

"Of course, because we all know what an art snapping the end off a green bean is," she said sarcastically.

"It is." I carried the container back over towards the stove. "Where do you want these?"

"In there." She pointed to a pan filled with water as she poured raw noodles into a milky, seasoned mixture.

Just as I was pouring them in, a beeping noise went off. At first, I wasn't sure what it was.

"The fire extinguisher's in the hall closet!" Elliot's voice yelled from the other room.

Olivia rolled her eyes and pressed a button on the control panel of the stove, the noise stopping. "Shut up Stabler! You know that's just the timer, not the smoke alarm!"

"Hey! Just trying to help!" He tried to sound innocent, though we heard him chuckling.

"I'll burn his food," Olivia sighed jokingly, opening the oven door and peering inside. Setting the timer again, she turned to me. "Oh, there was probably another reason you stopped by other than to snap green beans, right?"

"Yeah." This time, I hadn't forgotten, I was just waiting for the right time to tell her. "Actually, there was."

"What?" She watched me, waiting patiently.

"Cragen and Casey wanted me to tell you," I started. "We caught him."

"Caught… who?" I knew she realized whom halfway through her question. "You mean, the guy who, who-" She couldn't bring herself to say it. I could see the shock on her face.

"The guy who attacked you," I nodded.

"Who was it?" Her eyes were wide as she asked me about him.

"His name's Brent Silvestri. He was the boyfriend of your super."

"Molly?" I nodded. "But, how…?" I watched her eyes nervously dart around, trying to figure it out herself.

"The night he attacked you," I put my hands on her shoulder, bringing her gaze back up to me, "he was at Molly's apartment. He assaulted her and stole her wallet and master key to the apartments. That's how he got into your apartment. That's why you didn't hear anyone breaking in."

Her eyes teared up as she turned to her gaze to the floor, letting everything sink in.

"Is there going to be a trial?" She looked back at me. "Do I have to testify?"

I shook my head. "No. He confessed to assaulting Molly and his blood matched the DNA in your rape kit. Casey gave him a deal. He's going to jail."

"How long?" She looked into my eyes, still dazed.

"Fifteen to twenty years."

Just as I was about to ask if she was all right, she threw her arms around me. "Thank you," she whispered into my ear.

"Just doing my job," I smiled as she let go of me and stepped back, a tear glistening on her cheek as she grinned, and a grateful look in her eyes. That was all the thanks I'd ever need.

--XXX--

"I see you're still alive," Olivia noticed, looking at Elliot. "Couldn't have been too bad."

"All right," he smiled. "I was wrong and I apologize. You can cook. It was actually pretty good." The three of us had just finished dinner and were now sitting around Elliot's living room, talking and occasionally listening to a story or two on the news on TV.

"Thank you," she accepted his apology and sat back, satisfied that she was right.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Though I still say canned vegetables are better."

She chuckled and grinned. "I suppose you can't change a sweet tooth over-night."

As we talked a few more minutes, I suddenly caught sight of the clock. It was pretty late and I already starting to nod off. I'd barely gotten any sleep last night. "Well, it's getting late," I announced. "I should probably get going." I stood up, getting ready to leave.

"Thanks for stopping by," Elliot nodded.

"Sure." I turned to Olivia. "Thanks for dinner."

"No problem." She stood as well, following me to the door. Just as I was about to leave, Olivia caught me.

"John?" She lightly touched my arm, pulling me back.

"Yeah?" I waited for her to speak as I threw my coat on.

"I just wanted to thank you, for everything. I couldn't have gotten through it all without you. I really appreciate it."

I just smiled as I listened to her. When she was done, she wrapped her arms around me again, pulling me into an embrace.

"Anything for you Liv," I whispered, pulling back. Locking eyes one last time, I headed down the steps and went to my car.


	33. 33 Benson

Chapter 33 - Benson

Thanks for the reviews nem, qt-angel, Lady Padfoot II, christopher-meloni-freak, SVUchik18, viol8dbyalizzard, AglaiaWar, and Mika Tsuki.

I must admit though, you guys kind of have me a little depressed. Everyone thinks that the last chapter was the end. Well, in case it's not apparent already, it wasn't! Believe me right now when I say that when this is done, totally and completely 100 percentfinished, you will know. Big huge banners, flashing lights, confetti... Just kidding about that. But I will definitely let you all know. And besides, I said my EO solution would make everyone happy. If they never hook up, I can name a bunch of people who wouldn't be happy. (You know who you are... ;)

SVUchik18, thanks for reviewing! Make my fanfic into an SVU episode? Wouldn't that be so cool if they would really do that? Then again, the day big huge producers like Dick Wolf create a show using a script a fifteen-year-old wrote is the day that (add desired 'never-gonna-happen' metaphor here). But I love that you think that! Makes my dreams for a writing career seem all that closer...

christopher-meloni-freak, thanks for the reviews! Oh my gosh, almost professional? You and SVUchik18 are making me cry! I love that you like my writing so much! I'm seriously thinking of becoming a writer when I get older, so you have no idea how much I appreciate reviews like that.

Lady Padfoot II, thanks for reviewing! Oh, you wanna see action do ya? I'll show ya action. Well, maybe later. I remember one of your earlier reviews where you said you didn't like it when a fanfic was just about people talking, right? Then you might want to skip over this and the next chapter. But don't worry, there will be more action. I just thought I'd give that a little rest after everything that happened.

qt-angel, thanks for the reviews! A twist with Brent? Do you seriously think I'd be cruel enough to do something like that? All right, I would, but I'm not going to! He's keeping his butt behind bars! Or is he..? Menacing glare, evil laugh Just kidding! I'm totally done with him. Well, there is his up-coming guest appearance later on, but he's not getting out of jail.

And here's a little riddle just because I feel like giving you a hint as to what's coming up. Okay, here it is. **Long after Betrayal In The First Degree is completed, the story will continue!** Figure that out! (I hope that's not too obvious...)

Well I should really stop rambling and just update, so here's Olivia... and Elliot! Two chapters, yay!

**Official Author's Note** - Now, being totally serious here, I feel I owe people an explanation about the beginning of this chapter despite the strict 'No more A/Ns about pairings' policy I set up. See, I wrote this chapter when I was being inundated (okay, so I only got like two or three) reviews asking me if I was going to pair up Olivia and John. Since no one believed me, I decided to have Olivia tell you. And that is the only reason it's even brought up! Thank you for listening, this has been an official A/N. ;)

Lyrics by Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On

_I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons  
Finally content with a past I regret  
I've found you find faith in your moments of weakness  
For once I'm at peace with myself  
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long  
I'm movin' on  
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces  
Each one is different but they're always the same  
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it  
They'll never allow me to change  
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong  
I'm movin' on  
I'm movin' on  
And at last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone  
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't  
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town  
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't  
I had to lose everything to find out  
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road  
I'm movin' on  
I'm movin' on…_

****

Benson

As I watched John leave, I was instantly pulled back to the conversation we'd had earlier in the kitchen. I was still waiting for this to be a dream. Finding and convicting him only five days after my attack, that was unbelievable.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice pulled me back into the present.

"Yeah?" I shut the door and turned around.

"Not that it's any of my business," he started, already showing that it would be a personal question, "but is there something going on between you two?"

"Who?" I turned my head to the side and studied him. "Wait, me and John?" I pointed to myself, incredulity in my voice. He didn't answer, but his look told me yes. "No! Of course not!" I was so taken aback by the question that I recoiled. A big part wasn't even that he thought that, but just the thought of John and me as anything more than friends… I slightly shuddered.

"Don't look so shocked." He watched me. "I saw how you looked at him in the hospital. And then you invite him to dinner, hug him good-bye?"

I stood with my mouth agape for a moment before answering. "We are just friends." I stressed every word in that sentence, making sure he understood. "That, and he's like old enough to be my father!"

Elliot just gave me a blank stare, like none of this was news to him. And he still looked like he didn't believe me.

"You've got it all wrong." I shook my head. "I was just thanking him," I motioned towards the door.

"For what?"

"For helping me with everything…" I quietly said. "Because that night, it was him who I went to afterwards. I thought of who I could trust. At the time, he was the first person to come to mind." I paused before I decided to tell him the other reason. "And, he caught him…"

"Caught who?" Elliot's voice told me I had ended any thought of a relationship between John and I that was anything more than platonic.

I looked up and locked eyes with Elliot. "The guy who raped me."

That seemed to send a shock wave of understanding through him. "They caught him, already?" His reaction was similar to mine.

"Caught and convicted," I sighed.

"When was the trial?"

"Wasn't one. Casey gave him a deal, fifteen to twenty years." My voice was empty as I told him what John had told me.

Elliot remained silent as he searched my face. "That's good, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded, sitting down on the couch. "It's great." And it was, really, but something just… felt strange about it.

"Then what's wrong?" Elliot could read me like a book sometimes.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I mean, I should be happy that this guy's in jail, right?" I finally looked up at him, waiting for an answer. "But, I just… I just don't feel like anything's changed, you know?"

"What do you mean?" I felt him pushing me towards whatever I was trying to figure out, almost like a shrink.

"I mean, nothing's really changed." I sat back and stared ahead of me, lost in thought. "Yeah, he's in jail, but that doesn't take back or change what happened. I was still raped…"

"What were you expecting to feel when they put him in jail?" He was still gingerly pushing me along, speaking with care and concern.

I thought about it before I answered. "Closure." I met his stare.

He gave a warm smile at my response. "How many times have I heard you tell victims that closure is a myth?" His voice was soft, not accusing.

I shrugged, not sure what to say in response.

"You say it yourself Liv. You never get over it, you never put it behind you. Eventually, you learn to deal with it, to cope. But you'll never be the same afterwards. You change with it, everyday, for the rest of your life."

--XXX--

The next day I could still hear Elliot's words ringing in my head. I knew they were true, I wouldn't repeat them to victims had they not been. And I also thought about everything else, mainly, how I still was too terrified to go into my apartment.

Throughout my whole career, I couldn't tell you how many threats had been placed on me. There were always those cases that got too close to home, those perps that became obsessed, and the family members of victims who snap under the grief and pain. But I'd never let them scare me. I held fast onto my belief that they wouldn't win unless I changed my life because of them. I'd refused protective detail so many times… except the one time I wasn't given a choice. So no matter what happened, what threats there were, I refused to shuffle my life around for each creep that tried to scare me.

But now, why should this time be any different? The night that the bastard broke into my apartment, he didn't just attack me. He'd stolen a part of me, part of who I was. He'd stolen my sense of security, my belief in myself, the peace I was finally starting to find. He'd stolen so much, and I was ready to take it back.

And that's what brought me here, back to my apartment. In one hand, I held a bag from a hardware store. It contained a few different locks, one for the doorknob, a chain lock, and a dead bolt. Molly was having all the locks in the building changed after what happened, but I decided I'd rather do it myself, not giving her a chance to make it compatible with her master key. Elliot tried to tell me that the guy would have done whatever he had to do to get in, key or no, but it didn't ease my mind.

Staring at the familiar door, I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself, mentally and physically. Just as I was about to open it, a voice made me jump, catching me completely off guard.

"Hey Olivia!" It took a moment, but I quickly recognized the blonde, curly-haired, bubbly college student bounding up towards me, grocery bags in her hands.

"Hey Sarah." I smiled at my new neighbor. She'd moved in right next to me a week and a half ago. I met her in the hallway and helped her carry a few boxes into her apartment. She was nice, but she could talk to a doorknob for hours before realizing it wouldn't talk back.

"I haven't seen you in a while." She stopped and started talking to me.

"Yeah, I've been busy." I shrugged.

"Oh, hey, did you hear about what happened to Molly?" Her face lit up like a little schoolgirl at the prospect of passing around a little gossip. "Someone attacked her!"

"Yeah," I nodded, "I heard."

"Did the police come interview you too? Well, I guess that's a silly question. You are the police!" She laughed, still fascinated by my job. "They started asking me questions about an 'assault.' There were two of them. One was really old and the other was really creepy looking." While she started rambling about her encounter, I suddenly realized she met Fin and Munch. They must have been around interviewing people, using Molly's attack as a cover while they tried to find any witnesses. "Then I told them how you helped me move in. I think they might have known you."

She paused and lowered her voice, her expression turning serious. "I don't know if it's like, illegal to tell you or something, but I think that they were in your apartment, like they were looking for something." At the girl's ignorance and slightly ditzy comment, I couldn't help but smile. She was a really sweet, innocent girl, and a huge Hello Kitty fan by her own account. She was even going to school to become a vet just because she loved animals so much. And thinking about that, I couldn't help but wonder what she'd be like if it had been her apartment that Brent had broken into a week ago.

"Well, I'm sure whatever it was, they didn't find it," I assured her with a smile.

"Yeah, well, I should probably go home, put these away." She motioned to the grocery bag. "It was good talking to you. We should get together sometime! You know, hang out and talk." Her eyes widened in excitement at her suggestion.

"Yeah." I smiled and nodded. "That'd be fun." As she stood in front of me, waiting, I realized she wanted to make plans to do something right now. "Well, I gotta go. Nice talking to you!" I smiled and quickly slipped into my apartment before she could say anything else. I liked her, but I wasn't in the mood for hanging out with a girl over ten years my junior who might be confused for my daughter.

As I flipped the light switch in the living room on, I saw that I was in my apartment. All that worry and anxiety, and I didn't even notice myself go in.

Okay, the living room is one thing, but how about the bedroom? I challenged myself, that room being the main reason I was here. Creeping towards my bedroom, I was suddenly hit with a flashback to that night.

_"Elliot stop! Why are you doing this!" I pleaded with the man I thought was my partner for another half-hour after I saw his face. I'd tried reasoning with him, threatening him, anything to stop him. I'd stopped fighting long ago, the horrible reality that I could do nothing finally sinking in. I only prayed that once he'd taken what he wanted, he wouldn't take it one step further to the only thing worse than rape. _

Finally feeling him pull out of me, I sobbed in relief. I quieted myself as he suddenly stood up. Not knowing what his next move would be, I quickly assessed my chances of getting my gun if I bolted for the bathroom door. I knew they were next to impossible.

And besides, if he wanted to kill me, he had his own state-issued gun that he could have brought with him. Bracing myself and closing my eyes, I waited for the small metal cylinder to rip through my flesh.

Instead of hearing a gun explode, all I heard was the noise of a pair of pants zipping up. I opened my eyes to see the shadow outline of the man stumbling away.

As my flashback released me, I felt a cold sweat already forming on my brow. Wiping it off with my sleeve, I forced myself to keep going. The mere two-yard gap between my bedroom and myself seemed miles longer as I shoved my feet ahead, never stopping for fear I wouldn't be able to start again.

I couldn't tell you how much time had passed, but I finally managed to make it to the doorway. Taking another deep breath, I closed my eyes and readied myself for the worse. In one motion, I stepped into the room and opened my eyes, expecting to see my torn, blood-stained sheets and blankets scattered all over the bed, preserving the scene and memory. To my surprise, I was only met with a completely bare mattress, no sheets, no blankets, nothing but my bare pillows on top of it. _Of course! Sarah said that Munch and Fin were in here. They probably took them as evidence._ I never thought I'd be so happy to have my privacy invaded like that.

"So far so good," I remarked, charting my progress so far. I hadn't expected to get past the front door much less into my bedroom. _Let's see if I can really push myself,_ I sighed, walking towards the bed. The closer I got, the more pictures of that night bombarded me. I pushed them away, not letting them get the better of me. Standing over the bed, I slowly reached out to touch it, each memory flooding back to me like a punch in the stomach as I relived it.

_Wait._ I pulled my hand back, not ready yet. I needed to get the room back to normal, make my bed, clean up everything that had been knocked over in the struggle, fix it like before the attack.

Going to my closet, I pulled out spare bed sheets and a comforter that I kept in there. I quickly made my bed and cleaned up everything that had fallen from its rightful place. Once I finished, I stepped back and looked around. It looked normal and peaceful again, _like you'd never know the terror that went on inside a week ago._

Choking back my tears, I knew I wasn't completely ready. For now, I could only pride myself on how far I'd come so far and hope that, with time, I'd be able to face this room again. I'd never bought the 'time heals all wounds' line, but right now, it was all I had going for me.

I went back to my closet, this time to get out some tools I had, so that I could try and install some of these locks I brought, just so my trip here wouldn't be a total waste.


	34. 34 Stabler

Chapter 34 – Stabler

Lyrics by Switchfoot – Dare You To Move

Welcome to the planet  
Welcome to existence  
Everyone's here  
Everyone's here  
Everybody's watching you now  
Everybody waits for you now  
What happens next?  
What happens next?  
Dare you to move  
Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
Dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened before  
Welcome to the fall out  
Welcome to existence  
The tension is here  
The tension is here  
Between who you are and who you could be  
Between how it is and how it should be  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened  
Maybe redemption is stories to tell  
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell  
Where can you run to escape from yourself?  
Where you gonna go?  
Where you gonna go?  
Salvation is here  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened  
Today never happened before…

****

Stabler

"Hey Olivia! Are you almost ready?" I knocked on the bathroom door impatiently. My 72 torture – "Ha ha," Olivia smirked – was finally over. Today was the first day back for both of us and _I_ didn't want to be late. Olivia, on the other hand, seemed to have lost all sense of time. We were going in separate cars, but I still wanted to wait for her.

"Would you just go?" She yelled back. "I'll be fine!" I sighed and went over to the coffee table in my living room. I grabbed my badge and holster, slipping them both on my belt as I continued to wait. _What can I say? I'm stubborn._

"I promise I'll show up even if you aren't there to hold my hand," she groaned, stepping into the living room as she tucked a stray fold of her shirt into her pants.

"But I want _you_ to be there to hold _my_ hand!" I pouted out my lower lip jokingly.

"You're such a jerk sometimes." She rolled her eyes and smiled, grabbing our coats off of the coat rack. "Ready?" She looked at me.

"Of course," I grinned, stepping outside. As soon as Olivia had done the same, I dramatically sucked in a huge breath of air, expanding my chest. "You smell that?" I asked.

"New York City air?" She raised her eyebrow at me. "Who could miss it?"

"I did," I retaliated. "It's been too long," I sighed, doing it again.

She started walking to her car and stopped at the driver's door. "It was three days El. You're such a drama queen."

"Hey!" Insulted, I ran down the stairs towards her.

A mischievous grin crossing her face from ear to ear, she hopped in her car and sped off, leaving me standing all alone on the side of the street. I couldn't help but laugh as I did the same, trying to catch up with her.

--XXX--

"Hey! You owe me five-fifty for that!" I followed Olivia into the squad room as she held a cup of coffee in one hand and a donut in the other, both of which she'd conveniently placed on _my_ tab when we stopped at the coffee shop.

"Consider it partial payment," she said, taking a bite of the donut.

"For what?" I said, trying to sound outraged.

"For taking care of you for the past three days," she informed me.

"You're billing me for that? But I thought you were doing it out of the goodness of your heart," I joked.

"And the goodness of my stomach," she smiled, taking another bite out of the donut just for effect.

"Ha," I scoffed, rolling my eyes at her. Both us of knew full well she'd never pay me back and that I didn't really care.

Our little argument was quickly ended at the sound of a louder one coming from the squad room.

"Don't tell me they're at it already," Olivia half-groaned, half-laughed, checking her watch.

Sure enough, we walked in to find John and Fin sitting at their adjoined desk, arguing.

"Come on!" Munch insisted to his less-than-interested partner. "It's so obvious what the government is trying to do here!"

Fin looked up from his desk and gave John a death glare. "So write a book about it and sell it to people who care!"

"So you don't care that-" Before John could even bring up his latest government conspiracy theory, Fin stopped him.

"No, I don't! All I care about is that you're giving me a damn headache with this crap!"

"Fine." John sat back and shrugged, not at all silenced by Fin's outburst. "Then maybe I will write a book, sell millions of copies, become rich, and quit this job."

"Don't get my hopes up," Fin sighed, going back to his paperwork.

"Glad to see things haven't changed too much," I remarked as Olivia and I went over to our desk.

"Hey! Welcome back!" John smiled as the two of them turned to face us.

"Thanks," Olivia and I said in unison. We both sat down at our adjoined desks, glad to _be_ back.

"Anything new with you guys?" Fin asked, tossing his papers aside.

"No." Olivia shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Nope." I shrugged and agreed. "Olivia's still mooching off of me though," I complained, not letting the subject drop.

"Fine," she smiled. "If you get over it, I'll buy _you_ coffee tomorrow."

"Thank you." I crossed my arms, finally satisfied. Turning my attention back to John and Fin, I decided to dive right in. "Any new cases while we were gone?"

"No, it's been pretty slow," Fin said, leaning back in his chair.

"Good job," John interrupted. "Now we're going to be overrun with cases! You just jinxed us," he scolded Fin.

"Shut up Munch." His annoyed partner leaned over and grabbed a piece of paper. Crumpling it into a ball, he sent it sailing towards John's head.

"Hey!" The paper ball smacked him in the side of the head, landing on his desk.

"You guys are so immature," Olivia laughed at their antics, missing them more than anything.

"Oh yeah?" John picked the crumpled paper up and tossed it towards Olivia. Instead of hitting her, it missed its target by a good six inches and landed on the floor.

"Oooo," Olivia pretended to be impressed as she stared at it. "Maturity _and_ aim of a child."

Just as John opened his mouth to retaliate, Cragen suddenly appeared in his doorway. "Elliot? Olivia? What are you guys doing here?" He looked back and forth between the two of us, like he never expected to see us again or something.

"Good to see you too," I answered, smiling.

"I didn't know you were planning on coming back so soon."

"We missed you guys," I said with a grin.

He didn't smile, he just walked towards Munch and Fin. "Twenty year old rape vic at Bellevue. Go talk to her." As they walked off, I could hear John grumbling, probably a bunch of I-told-you-so's. Then Cragen turned towards me. "Elliot, my office."

I turned around to look at Olivia, a confused look on my face. She just gave a no-idea shrug.

"What's up?" I wondered, walking into his office.

"Close the door." He was sitting at his desk, watching as I carried out his order. "Sit." He pointed to the chairs in front of his desk.

"Look, if this is about the hospital, the doctor said I'd be fine after a few days of bed rest." Taking the seat, I tried to stop him from telling me to take another few days off of work.

"This isn't about you," he quietly informed me. "It's about her." He nodded out the window towards Olivia.

"Oh." I was glad this wasn't about me, but not exactly crazy about the fact that it _was_ about Olivia.

"Since I know _she_ won't tell me the truth, how's she doing?" I felt the corners of my lips curl up as he said that, both of us knowing that he was right.

"As well as anyone in her situation could," I shrugged. "She takes it day by day."

He just stared at his desk, lost in thought as he listened to me. "Do you think she's ready to be back here, so soon?"

"Oh no." I shook my head, using a disapproving tone. "I am not getting involved with this. I don't want to be the one she hates if you make her take anymore time off. You figure that out by yourself."

"But you think I should?" I could see the desperation in his face for someone's, anyone's, opinion. I knew he had no idea what to do. He'd never had to deal with this before, one of his own being sexually assaulted.

I sighed, deciding to try and help him as best I could. "I think that she's still reeling from her attack, yes. But I also think that telling her to take more time off is probably the worst thing you could do." At the confusion on his face from my contradicting statements, I clarified. "You know Olivia. And you know that the only thing more important to her than her job is her independence and the respect of other people. Telling her to take more time off would be saying that you think she's weak, that you don't respect her, that she can't handle her job anymore. And that she should let this control her life. Right now, I think she deserves to have things go back to normal, without people sticking their necks out to protect her."

"Including you?" He asked about my last sentence, the slightest hint of a smile lingering on his face for a moment.

I just smiled, signaling he was right. I could preach about respect and getting things back to normal, but I'd always try to overly shield her, especially now. I just wouldn't let _her_ know it.

--XXX--

"You okay?" I watched Olivia walk out of Cragen's office, almost slamming the door behind her. There was frustration on her face as she looked at me.

"Fine." She seemed depleted as she took her seat at her desk, right across from me. After my conversation with the Captain, he called her into his office.

"What'd he say?" I moved forward, resting my elbows on the piles of papers cluttering my desk.

"That I'm not working until I talk to Huang," she sighed, sounding as if she expected it.

"But he's not making you take anymore time off?" I asked hopefully.

"No," she scoffed. "Not unless he says I'm too emotionally unstable to work." She leaned over her desk, setting her elbows down as she held her forehead in her hands, everything obviously stressing her.

"It'll be okay Liv," I reassured her, though I wasn't sure about what.

"Easy for you to say," she whispered with mixed emotions, not meeting my eye. "Oh, and by the way," she snapped her head up, a 'you-think-you're-so-strong' fervor on her face, "you'll be happy to know that Cragen's making you guys talk to Huang too."

"What? Why?" I hated being shrinked, as did everyone else here. I think my lack of patience for shrinks revolved around the fact that I almost lost my job after one of the first sessions I had with one. I said I fantasized about killing perps and it's constantly been back to bite me on the ass ever since. We were part of an 'experiment' to start giving annual psyche evaluations. That's also how Munch lost his second SVU partner, Monique Jefferies.

At the question, I saw Olivia's face twist into defensive anger. "Because I'm just a disease dragging the whole squad down with me!" She snapped, suddenly rising from her desk and storming off, almost running into Munch and Fin as they appeared in the doorway.

Fin just watched her leave, while John started to follow her. "John!" I caught his attention and stopped him, shaking my head. "Just let her go." He turned, watching as she ran off. Right now, I think she needed to be alone more than anything.

"What happened?" Fin turned to me while his partner still stared down the hallway, only turning his gaze back around after a few minutes.

"Cragen's making her talk to Huang before she starts working again. And we have to talk to him too."

"Who? Huang?" Fin crossed his arms, the same displeasure with everything apparent on his face as well.

"Yeah." I nodded, leaning back on my squeaky chair.

"Why?" John spoke for the first time.

"That's what I asked her," I shrugged, "and that's what she said," I motioned towards the door, referring to what she snapped at me.


	35. 35 Huang

Chapter 35 – Huang

Thanks to nem, Katydidit, AglaiaWar, qt-angel, anonymousthinker, volleylover, Shellster, viol8dbyalizzard, Mika Tsuki, Lady Padfoot II, christopher-meloni-freak, and Opal Irises for reviewing.

nem, thanks for reviewing! Yeah, yeah. Get Olivia and Elliot together, I heard. Tsk, tsk. Everyone's so impatient. ;) You love a lot of things, uh? That would be so cool if we could get our fanfic stories published. I can't wait for the new season either! You are so welcome again for putting the songs titles on, it's no problem! I do care about my readers, mainly because you all are the reason for the even exsistence of this story. Anything to make you guys happy. :)

Katydidit, thanks for all the reviews! Okay, so I haven't been watching SVU all that long, so I'm not absolutely positive about this, but this it what I've gathered so far. In the beginning, Cassidy was Munch's partner. Later on, Jefferies came onto the show, but she didn't become Munch's partner until Cassidy transferred because he couldn't handle the cases. Then Jefferies told the shrink that she slept with a former suspect of hers, and she lost her job. Enter Fin, and here we are. Now don't quote me on that, because I'm not completely sure.

AglaiaWar, thanks for reviewing! Believe me, I'm killing _everyone_ with this OE thing. Really, a writer took an FF idea for Buffy? That's pretty cool. I would love to see this turned into an episode too! Being a writer for Dick Wolf at fifteen, I could die happy. ;)

anonymousthinker, new reviewer! Much love to anyone who can read this entire story at one sitting! I'm glad you like the mixture of emotions! OE fluff? You and everyone else! ;) Give it time.

volleylover, thanks for reviewing! E-mail this to NBC, uh? That doesn't sound totally horrible, what would I have to lose? Just my pride and dignity if I'm completely rejected, right? Just kidding. But I have no idea how I'd go about doing that anyway. And I suppose they'd probably be looking more for a script, not a story. I appreciate the thought though! A lot of people had said that they'd like to see this turned into an episode.

viol8dbyalizzard, thanks for the reviews! Honey, it's not over! What'd you get that from? I still have a while to go! Keep reading! I'm so glad you love it!

Lady Padfoot II, thanks for reviewing! Oh, sad, long, monotonous paragraphs annoy you. Well, I'll keep those to a minimum. And this chapter has no action whatsoever, but I promise it's coming!

Opal Irises, another new reviewer! Thanks so much for saying I keep everyone in character! Aside from spelling and grammar, that's another thing I can't stand other writers messing up. So I try to keep them all in character as best I can! And the petition to start an OE, I'll add you to the list! You're only the millionth Elliot/Olivia shipper to beg me to start something between them! So sorry you're home sick. :( I hope another update will get you to feeling better! And you don't need to worry about me updating. As anyone of my numerous reviewers will tell you, I update every night! So I hope you keep reading!

Author's Note - This is a special appearance by Huang chapter. Just so you know, I am not going to be searching too deep into his mind. There is a very good chance I'd easily get lost. Anyway, I know this chapter is probably really mushy and sappy, but I kinda wanted it like that. I even got Munch tearing up! But it's all good, because things can go back to normal afterwards, somewhat...

Lyrics by Leann Rimes – Talk To Me

I can tell you've been crying on the inside  
I can see right through your eyes what you're trying to hide  
You got a real big wall covering up what you're feeling you see  
Well, come on baby, work it on out and talk to me  
Come on and talk to me  
Come on and talk to me  
All you need is a little trust to set you free  
Here I am, don't hold back, baby talk to me  
Baby I'm here, ready to hear what you're not saying  
Come on and talk to me…

****

Huang

"You can start whenever you like," I offered Olivia as she stood in the corner of the room, as far away as possible from me. Her arms were crossed and she rarely made eye contact with me in the five minutes we'd been like this. I was sitting in a chair, facing an empty one that was meant for Olivia.

"How about you start?" She shot back, trying to conceal her anger that was more concerning her situation than me.

"What would like me to say?" I asked her, watching as she rolled her and unfolded her arms, sticking her hands into her pockets.

"That I can go and stop wasting my time here."

"So you think this is a waste of time?" I clarified.

"Among other things, yeah. I've been at SVU talking to victims for years. I know all the comforting words and techniques and everything else. I've also spent my whole life dealing with my mother's rape. I can handle my own. I don't need to be here."

"So because you've been around this all your life and dealt with it alone, you think you can handle this all by yourself now?" I asked curiously.

"I _know_ I can," she stepped towards me, holding her hand to her chest.

"Fine." I shrugged. "Then since you already brought her up, let's talk about your mother."

"Why?" She immediately shied away from that topic.

"Because she has a lot to do with you, especially now."

I saw anger flash through her eyes. "She's been dead for four years now. This has nothing to do with her." She tried to avoid the topic by responding to it with anger and hostility.

"Olivia, you were conceived during her rape. Of course it has to do with her." I studied her as she looked away, trying to hide the tears glittering in her eyes. "Rape is a horrible crime, and you've been a victim of it twice. You really think you can handle that on your own?"

She shook her head, but not at my question. "My whole life's been because of rape, either in the fact that it's my job, or that it's the only reason I'm here. I thought that by becoming a police officer, I could 'fix' things. And that I could protect myself by locking all the people like my father," she used the term loosely, "away, and knowing how to prevent it from happening to me." She still never met my gaze as she studied the floor.

"You still think you should have been able to stop it?" She just nodded miserably. "Olivia, you know you couldn't have seen this coming or done anything to stop it. There would have been no precursors to even suggest that there was a threat. It's not like he targeted you or anything of the sort, he didn't even know you."

"I know," she shrugged, finally looking up to meet my stare, tears slipping from her eyes. "That's what scares me."

--XXX--

"Why do I have to be here? None of this is about me." As I watched the second SVU detective I'd seen today lean back in the chair, I knew it'd be a long day trying to get these people to open up. I knew the slight grudges they held towards me, though only because of my profession.

"And you don't think Olivia brought you into this when she first accused you of raping her?" I stared at Elliot, waiting for his answer.

"I was involved, but I'm not anymore," he half-folded.

"Well, then let's just talk about that. How did you feel when you first found out Olivia was accusing you of being her attacker?" I knew the only way to get Elliot to give you direct answers was to ask direct questions, leaving no room for him to dodge around the subject.

He shrugged, trying to figure out how to describe it. "Beyond words. I almost didn't believe it at first, until John jumped me."

"Why didn't you believe it?"

He looked up and paused before answering. "Because Olivia's my best friend. We put our life in each other's hands everyday. To think that she'd believe that I'd take her trust and life and crush it like that, it killed me."

"But now you harbor no resentment towards her, for anything that she did to you?"

"She didn't _do_ anything to me," he snapped, outraged at the idea that I'd accuse her of such a thing.

"She said you raped her, and she attacked you, possibly giving you a skull fracture. I would call that something." I reminded him.

"The guy that did rape her, he looked exactly like me." He quickly started defending her. "It was dark, she was in the middle of being raped when she saw him. She couldn't have been more regretful when she found out. And when she attacked me, she still didn't know and she was traumatized at the time. Neither were her fault."

"What about John?" I changed the subject. "Do you still feel anger towards him for attacking you as well?"

"No." He shook his head, denying anger and resentment. Though he wasn't jumping to his defense either, like he had with Olivia.

"Why's that?"

"Because, like I told him, had our positions been switched, I would have beaten the crap out of him as well."

"Just to defend Olivia?"

He didn't answer, he simply responded with a shrug.

"Why are you so intent on defending her and protecting her?"

There was a silence as he thought about it. "Because," he spoke softly as his shoulders rose and fell again in their familiar fashion and a sadness glossed his eyes over, "I couldn't protect her the night she was raped."

--XXX--

"You know, we should really do this more often," the third SVU detective's sarcastic voice easily cut into the silence as he sat on the side of the desk in the room. "I told the Captain you and I don't get enough quality time together as it is."

"I'll make sure to let him know that," I played along, doing the familiar two-step that we were so accustomed to doing. Every time I tried to get near his cynical, comedic wall with anything personal, he'd throw out another joke and build it up another few inches. I rarely got true, heart-spoken answers from him. "So John, I take it you find these sessions just as pointless as everyone else?" It was more of a statement than anything.

"Are you kidding? I love having someone poking and prodding into my personal life just so they can tell me everything that's wrong with me. Wouldn't you?" He raised his eyebrows and glared at me over his glasses.

"I'm not here to tell you what's wrong with you. I'm not that kind of doctor," I pointed out.

"Oh, my mistake. You're here to talk about my 'feelings' and help me reconnect with my inner-child, right?"

"All right." I sighed like I was giving up. "Keep beating around the bush and joking. I have all day to wait for you to talk."

"That's another thing," he pointed his finger at me, "blackmail."

"Not blackmail," I shook my head, only allowing a hint of a smile on my face, "persuasive reasoning."

"Blackmail for shrinks," he translated, sitting in front of me, a signal that he'd be slightly open to answer my questions.

"I heard that you found the evidence that put Olivia's attacker in jail," I started out by stroking his ego, an attempt to open him up more.

"Yeah." There was an air of pride in his voice. "I just found some tissues, I didn't really do much.

While he spoke, I sensed there was a small hole in his defensive wall. I decided now was a better time than any to try to dive through it. "The night of the attack, Olivia came to you?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "She was knocking at my door at two in the morning."

"What's the first thing that came to your mind when she said she'd been raped?"

He genuinely pondered that for a moment. "That I had to get her to a hospital and then call the Captain." He came back with exactly what I knew he would, a professional answer.

"Just like any other case?" I questioned. "Like there was nothing different about it?"

John didn't even attempt an answer as he stared straight ahead, like he was looking right through me. After a minute of stillness, I decided to try something else.

"What thoughts went through your head after she first told you?"

"Anger," he immediately said.

"Anger at what?"

"Anger at the fact that something so horrific could happen to someone I care about so much." Right at that moment, a ray of light from the open window hit his face at such an angle, that I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes.

--XXX--

A/N - Don't even think it! It's just a friendship caring, nothing romantic going on between Olivia and John! Sorry, I just don't want a bunch of reviews asking me about it.


	36. 36 Benson

Chapter 36 - Benson

Lyrics by Natalie Merchant - Life Is Sweet

_It's a pity, it's a crying shame  
He pulled you down again  
How painful it must be  
To bruise so easily, inside  
It's a pity, it's a downright crime  
It happens all the time  
You wanna stay little daddy's girl  
You wanna hide from the viscous world...  
Outside  
Don't cry you know the tears will do no good  
So dry your eyes  
Your daddy he's the iron man  
Battle ship wrecked on dry land  
Your mamma she's a bitter bride  
She'll never be satisfied  
You know, and that's not right  
But don't cry  
You know the tears will do no good  
So dry your eyes  
They told you life is hard  
Misery from the start, it's dull  
It's slow, it's painful  
But I tell you life is sweet  
In spite of the misery  
There's so much more, be grateful  
Well, who do you believe  
Who will you listen to, who will it be  
Because it's high time that you decide  
In your own mind  
I've tried to comfort you  
I tried to tell you to be patient  
That they are blind and they can't see  
Fortune gonna come one day  
It all gonna fade away  
Your daddy the war machine  
And your momma the long and suffering  
Prisoner of what she can not see  
For they told you life is hard  
Misery from the start, it's dull,  
It's slow, it's painful  
But I tell you life is sweet  
In spite of the misery  
There's so much more, be grateful  
So who will you believe  
Who will you listen to  
Who will it be  
Because it's high time that you decide  
It's time to make up your own  
Your own state of mind  
They told you life is long  
Be thankful when it's done  
Don't ask for more, be grateful  
But I tell you life is short  
Be thankful, because before you know it  
It will be over  
Because life is sweet  
Life is all so very short  
Life is sweet  
And life is all so very short..._

****

Benson

"Well, this is just how I wanted to spend my day," I complained to myself, ripping another piece of yellow paper off of a tablet and balling it up before tossing it towards the wastebasket. I was all alone and bored to death. Munch and Fin had left to follow-up on a lead for their case and Elliot went out to get us some lunch. I didn't go with him because I didn't see a point at the time. Thinking about my situation now, I would probably have changed my mind if I could. It would have been _something_ to do.

"Un…" I heard a groan behind me. Snapping my head around, I saw a girl standing in the doorway. She couldn't have been over seventeen or eighteen. Her shoulder-length brunette hair was matted in wet clumps as it hung limp around her face. She was wearing flared jeans topped with a dark black coat. As she stumbled into the squad room, she was clutching her stomach.

"Miss, can I help you?" I stood up and carefully started walking towards her. When I was about a foot away from her, she let out a small gurgling nose before she pitched forward. I dashed towards her and caught her in my arms a mere foot before she hit the floor.

As I held her in my arms and went to set her down, her eyes opened for a moment and her lips twisted in silent words. I could tell she was trying to say something. I leaned closer to her, trying to make out the one word she kept repeating.

Putting my hand behind her head, I placed her on the ground. As I lifted my hand from her stomach, I felt a warm, sticky liquid on it. I looked to see my hand coated in dark crimson blood. Pushing back her coat, I found a light purple t-shirt, soaked in blood. I ripped my navy blue jacket off and started pressing it against the center of the stain, leaving me in a camisole as I went for my cell phone.

"Detective Olivia Benson, I have a teenage female gunshot victim, at least one bullet lodged in stomach!" I gave the address of the precinct. Flipping it shut, I finally heard the girl's voice.

"Sh-Shot…" She whispered, her face as white as a sheet and her body shaking. She minutes from going into shock.

"Hold on honey," I put free hand on her forehead as I applied more pressure to her stomach, the material of my jacket soaking up the blood while I waited for the bus.

--XXX--

As I paced around the waiting room, I blocked out all other noises and sounds, thinking back to when the girl stumbled into the precinct. Right now, she was in surgery with no word from the doctors except that she suffered one gunshot would to her lower stomach. There was no ID on her, nothing indicating that she was anything but a girl off of the street.

I was still replaying everything that had happened in my head, repeatedly trying to read her lips. All I could make out was "shot."

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me. "Olivia? What happened?" I turned around to see Elliot standing behind me. "Oh my God." His face paled as he reached his hand out towards my stomach. I looked down to realize the front of me was covered in the girl's blood. Now slightly nauseous, I closed my eyes and raised my head.

"I'm fine." I shook my head and pushed his hand away as I opened my eyes. "It's not mine," I referred to the stains on my shirt and pants. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the squad car when I heard them dispatch a bus for Olivia Benson. What happened?" He repeated.

"I was in the squad room when a girl came stumbling in." I searched the floor nervously as I crossed my arms. "She collapsed and all she could say was that she was shot." A chill came over me and I found myself rubbing my hands up and down my arms, trying to warm them up. I was still wearing nothing but my camisole and it was frigid in the hospital waiting room.

Elliot noticed and took off his blazer. "Here." He went to throw it around my shoulders

"Elliot, don't." I tried to push his arms away, but he ignored my fighting and wrapped it around me anyway.

"How long have you been here?" I watched on in frustration as he searched my face in concern. I was a big girl and I didn't need him hanging all over me.

"About a half an hour." I didn't see any point in voicing my feelings. He would never let me push him away.

"Detective Benson?" A doctor in his mid-thirties with bleach blonde hair and a goatee walked towards me.

"This is my partner Elliot Stabler." I quickly introduced him. "How is she doing?"

"The girl's lucky. She's in the ICU recovering. She was only shot once and the bullet missed all major internal organs. You're lucky you found her when you did. Had she lost anymore blood, she easily could have gone into shock and died."

"Is she awake?"

"Actually, she's asleep right now."

"When she wakes up, could you call me?" I handed him my card with my phone number on it.

"Of course detective." He smiled and accepted the card before he started walking away.

"Do you think she was raped?" Elliot stood next to me.

I just shrugged, feeling the heavy weight of his blazer on my shoulders. "She came into SVU. It's definitely a possibility." Sliding his coat off, I tossed it back at him.

"Where are you going?" He folded it over his arm.

"Home, to get cleaned up." I inwardly groaned as I realized I got here by the bus. My car was still at the station. "You think you could give me a ride?"

"Sure." He nodded. "But it's cold out there…" He 'subtly' shoved his jacket at me.

"Thanks," I sighed, taking it back.

--XXX--

"Okay, so tell me exactly what happened." Elliot and I were on our way back to the hospital. The girl had finally woken up.

I rolled my eyes and repeated my story for the third time. "I was sitting at my desk when I heard a noise behind me. I looked up and saw her standing in the doorway. She was stumbling forward and holding her stomach. I asked her if she needed any help and she fainted. Then I found her gunshot wound. While I was calling a bus she just kept saying 'shot' and something else that I couldn't make out."

"So this girl gets all the way to our squad room without anyone noticing she'd been shot?" He quickly glanced at me with disbelief before turning his gaze back to the road.

"You know how busy it gets. I didn't even notice until she fainted." There was a pause between us as Elliot thought for a moment.

"Are you sure you want to work this?" He finally blurted as he parked the car in the hospital garage.

I got out of the passenger seat and stared at him over the roof of the car for a moment. "She was probably raped Elliot. And even if she wasn't, she came to our precinct." I quickly realized that's not what he meant. I tried not to let my expression harden too much. "And I can still do my job," I said in a harsh whisper.

He opened his mouth to talk, but my death glare kept him quiet. We both knew that he knew better than to cross me at this point.

"Detective Olivia Benson, this is my partner Elliot Stabler." I introduced my badge to the front desk once we were inside. "We're with the Special Victims Unit." I pulled my notepad out and searched though it. "We're looking for a…" I wrote the girl's name down somewhere. "Emma MacGuire." When the doctor called us to say that she was awake, he'd also given us her information. She wasn't even eighteen, she was only fifteen.

The receptionist searched through her files and gave us directions to her room. Elliot thanked her while I headed off towards ICU.

"Emma?" I slowly pushed the girl's door open as I stepped into the room. "Hi." I gave her a warm smile once I saw her. She was lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to a million different machines. She wore a paper nightgown and a thin blue hospital blanket.

"Hi." She gave as worried frown as her eyes followed every move I made.

"I'm Detective Olivia Benson." I introduced myself, slowly walking towards a chair near her bed. "This is my partner Elliot Stabler." As Elliot stepped out from behind the curtain next to me, the girl jumped back, terror filling her eyes as he startled her. "Elliot…" I put a hand on his shoulder and looked towards the door, motioning for him to leave. The girl was already scared. I doubt if she'd open up to him.

"But-" Elliot started to argue.

"Now." I growled, daring him to contradict me. He sighed and headed outside, knowing he'd never win. "Emma?" I turned back to the girl in the bed. "Detective Stabler's going outside, so it'll just be you and me." Though some of the fear in her eyes seemed to fade, it was still obvious. "Emma, do you remember me?"

"No." She shook her head, her eyes darting around nervously as I sat in the chair next to her.

"You came into the police station." I started telling her what happened to see if it would jog her memory. "You'd been shot. You fainted while you were trying to tell me something."

"I don't remember." She shook her head, pulling away from me.

"Okay." I nodded and smiled. "It's all right. So why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Um…" She bit her lip and chewed on it thoughtfully as she looked me up and down, trying to see if she could trust me.

"It's okay Emma." I tried to reassure her. "I'm here to help you."

"I-I was walking down Main St. to go to the store." She shakily started, her eyes shamefully turned to the floor. "I walked by this alley when I thought I heard a cat meowing. It sounded like it was hurt, so I went to go look for it."

"In the alley?"

She nodded, still studying her hands. "It kept sounding further away, so I went farther and farther in until it stopped. I turned to leave, but someone came up behind me. He threw his hand around my mouth…" Suddenly, Emma burst into tears.

"Emma…" My heart went out to the girl as I watched her small frame shake in sobs. "Honey, it's all right." I touched her shoulder and she gasped, jumping away in shock, tears still streaming down her face. "Emma," I moved my head to the side so that I was looking her in her eyes as best I could. "Did he rape you?"

Her cries subsided for a moment as she looked at me. Then her eyes welled up in tears as she started bawling again. "He raped me!" She wailed. "He raped me…" Her voice was cut off by another sob as she held her face into her hands, rocking back and forth.

"It's okay honey." I stood up and sat on the side of the bed, wrapping my arms around her. Her instincts told her to pull away, but she just sat there, unresponsive to my embrace at first. After a few minutes, she finally allowed herself to relax, burying her face into the folds of my clothes as she wrapped her arms around me, as if she feared I'd leave. "It's okay Emma," I whispered in her ear as I ran my hand over her hair. "You're safe now. He can't hurt you."

As she cried into my shirt, I tried to comfort her, despite the tears running down my own cheeks. I was instantly pulled back to the moment I had showed up on Munch's doorstep after I was attacked. At least I was an adult. I could handle it. But her… She was just a child. Not even old enough to drive yet. This shouldn't have happened to her. No kid deserves this.

--XXX--

"Olivia. Olivia." As my eyelids slid open, I awoke to Elliot standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder as I felt a weight in my arms. "Hey." He smiled once he saw that I was awake. "How you doing?"

"Fine." Still drowsy, I turned to look at the person in my arms. I realized Emma and I had fallen asleep, my arms still around her.

"Are you all right?" He gave me a strange look as he studied me. "Your face is red." He reached out to touch my cheek, but I slapped his hand away.

"I'm fine." I turned around and ran the back of my palms over my cheeks, wiping the dried tears away. The last thing I needed was Elliot thinking I couldn't handle being back at work. "How long have I been in here?" I asked, facing him.

"Only about fifteen minutes." We were both talking softly so that we wouldn't disturb Emma. I knew first hand that she was going to need all the sleep that she could get. "Did she tell you anything?"

"Yeah. Help me move her." I carefully lifted her off of my lap, allowing room for Elliot to put his arms under her. While he did that, I slipped off of the bed and out from under her. Once I had cleared the bed, Elliot gently set her back down, placing her head against a pillow.

"Did you get any word about her parents?" I asked my partner.

"She lives with her mother in their apartment, just the two of them. No relatives anywhere around here either. The mother was on a two-day business trip, she was staying by herself." He nodded towards the sleeping figure on the bed. "They contacted her. She should be here in about two hours." He turned to me. "What did you find out?"

I sighed and grabbed my notepad off of the chair I'd been sitting in. The pages were blank. I hadn't written a thing down. "She was walking down Main St. when she thought she heard a cat in the alley." I heard myself say "cat" bitterly. Like some four-legged, cuddly animal was to blame for all this. "She went looking for it when the perp grabbed her from behind. She said he raped her, didn't give me any specifics." I ran my fingers through my hair. "What did the doctor say about a rape kit?"

"He said she's okay physically to have the exam. And if she was attacked right before you found her, there might still be evidence." He didn't even have to mention the fact that it was slowly disappearing as each minute ticked away.

"Okay," I nodded, quickly glancing at the fifteen-year-old. "I'll wake her up and try to talk to her about it. You go get a doctor."

Elliot nodded before he left the room to carry out my order. While he was doing that, I sat back down so that I wouldn't be standing over her when she woke up. I didn't want to do anything to terrify this girl anymore. Taking a deep breath, I watched her toss and turn, obviously having a night terror. A rape exam was the last thing I wanted to put the poor girl through. They were commonly referred to as the "second rape," a name that suited it quite well after having been through one myself and seeing hundreds more done.

"Emma, Emma…" I carefully shook her awake as I threw a big smile on my face. "Hi honey…"


	37. 37 Cragen

Chapter 37 - Cragen

Thanks for reviewing Katydidit, qt-angel, christopher-meloni-freak, viol8dbyalizzard, AglaiaWar, anonymousthinker, Mika Tsuki, Lady Padfoot II, nem, and Lizzie9.  
Katydidit - Imagine John and Olivia's kid... I wonder whose nose it would get? ;) Yeah, crawling into random character's heads is a hobby of mine. I suppose I'm just perceptive when it comes to making sure someone's in character, that's all.  
christopher-meloni-freak - Olivia a witch? Harsh! Just because Olivia's my favorite character and I don't want you to hate her, I'll make her all better in the next chapter.  
nem - Don't worry about pushing the OE thing. ;) You aren't the only one. And of course, if it'll get you to leave reviews, you can say whatever you want. (I love reviews!)  
Lizzie9, new reviewer! I've said it before and I'll say it again, kudos to anyone that can read this whole thing at once! Thanks so much!

Because I got a lot of reviews about it, I'd like to thank everyone that said they liked the Huang chapter. That went over a lot better than I thought it would. And also, a bunch of thanks to those that think I'm still keeping everyone, especially Olivia, in character.

**Author's Note** - I got a lot of reviews about Emma's attacker, so I want to straighten that out before I continue. I can't reveal much about him, but I can assure you that he is in no way connected to Brent or Olivia or anyone else. Totally seperate case. But, Emma _is_ pertinent to the story line. You'll see why later.

That being said, I'm only posting one chapter today, Cragen, because I have to catch up on my writing if I'm to update every night! But I can't complain too much because all your reviews make it totally worth it! (I say reviews a lot, don't I? Well, with over 200 of them for this story alone, I feel it's justifiable. ;) Love ya guys!)

Lyrics by Will Smith – Tell Me Why

I really wish I could explain it baby (why),  
It's just the world is kinda crazy baby (why),  
Ain't no pretty way to paint it baby (why),  
Don't cry, dry your eyes  
Mmmmm, souls are captured  
Dreams are stolen, hearts are broken  
Evil blatantly rewarded  
Hate surrenders, love exalted  
Hope elated, negativity is shorted  
Why is the bomb always getting the last word?  
And why did her uncle have to molest her?  
And why did all them cops have to be shootin' to kill?  
And why did all them priests have to act so ill?  
Tell me why did James Byrd Jr. have to be touched?  
Tell me why did Malcolm & Martin depart from us?  
Tell me why did that sniper make the little boy shoot?  
And why does human life always denied for loot?  
Tell me why did Mandela have to live in a cage?  
Why did my brother Sterling have to die at that age?  
Tell me why did Reginald Denny deserve his fate?  
And why the fk can't love seem to defeat hate?  
Tell me why is it so hard for all the children to eat?  
Why did Pac & Biggie Smalls have to fall in the street?  
Tell me why did Jam Master Jay have to go that way?  
Please what am I supposed to say to my kids when they say 'Why?'  
I really wish I could explain it baby (why),  
It's just the world is kinda crazy baby (why),  
Ain't no pretty way to paint it baby (why),  
Don't cry, dry your eyes  
I really wish I could explain it baby (why),  
It's just the world is kinda crazy baby (why),  
Ain't no pretty way to paint it baby (why),  
Don't cry, dry your eyes  
Can't explain it baby, life is just really crazy  
I mean if it's world wars or the life of a little baby  
We got more stores than they got rice under Buddha lazy  
You live four scores & still it be driving you crazy  
But for me I try to see the bright side  
Sometimes it'd be like the goodness be tryin' to hide  
Then try to flee, but it can't it's deep inside  
Sweetie, you be the light for the others, make 'em believe in God  
Mmmmm, souls are captured  
Dreams are stolen, hearts are broken  
Evil blatantly rewarded  
Hate surrenders, love exalted  
Hope elated, negativity is shorted…

Cragen

"Olivia, Elliot! How'd it go?" I walked into the squad room from my office at the same time the two detectives were.

"Great," I heard Olivia grumble under her breath, not meeting my eye as she threw her coat on the back of her chair and sat down.

Elliot cleared his throat, diverting my attention to him, obviously what he wanted to do. "They performed the rape exam and sent it to Warner's lab." Elliot had called me from the hospital and explained what had happened.

_Of all the days for a rape victim to come stumbling to Olivia,_ I had thought when I first found out, _it had to be her first day back._

Huang had finished his sessions with each detective that morning. He also declared them all fine to be back at work. He basically repeated what Elliot had said about Olivia. Of course, it had come along with a small lecture…

_"So Olivia's fine to be back at work?" I watched Huang sit across my desk as he discussed the sessions he had with each of my detectives. I wasn't worried about them though, only Liv. _

"Her taking more time off could only do more harm than good," he informed me. "She needs stability right now. As crazy as it sounds, her job is _stability to her." _

"I don't need to be worried about her, do I?"

He carefully pondered that before speaking. "Well, not over-protective, over-bearing worried, but I'd keep an eye on her. With her mother being a victim, she already had a reason to sympathize with the victims. That, and the fact that she's a woman, as sexist as that may sound. But now, she knows first hand what they're going through. More than likely, she might become really invested in the first few cases she works on. And with that, comes the normal behavior."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it'll be like these people are her family. She'll jump to believe anything they say, only a problem if they're lying, but still… And you know how she works herself to the bone on cases that are close to her. Like I said, just keep an eye on her and see that she doesn't get too close. The damages could be devastating if she does, considering her level of power…"

He didn't elaborate on the "devastating damages," but I ignored it for the most part. I'd known Olivia for years. The most she'd ever done was convince Alex to plea out two women who murdered their rapist. I yelled at her afterwards, claiming she'd used her last "get out of jail free card." But even that was when she'd been new to SVU. She'd grown since then, the Cleary and Anderson case proving that.

Instead of more flashbacks, I brought myself back to the present. "So what do we have on the case so far?"

"Emma MacGuire, age 15." Olivia taped a picture of the girl in her hospital attire to the glass board. She then went back and sat on top of her desk. "She came stumbling in here this afternoon with a gunshot wound to the lower abdomen. I haven't gotten a full statement yet, but she says she was walking along Main St. when she heard a cat in an alley. She went to look for it when the perp attacked her from behind."

"She said that he raped her," Elliot joined in, "but Olivia couldn't get any specifics."

"After she said that he raped her, we had the doctors come in and do the exam. By then her mother was there and I didn't want to put her through anymore hell," she explained herself defensively to her partner.

Elliot just rested his right foot on his left knee and looked at the board with Emma's picture on it with a slightly irked stare. By the way he took it, I assume Olivia had been reacting like this all day.

"When is she coming down to give her statement?"

"Later this evening," Elliot answered before Olivia could. "After they release her."

I turned and watched Olivia as she flipped through her note pad, remaining quiet. I toyed with the idea of asking her if she wanted me to get someone else to work this case, but my better judgment won over and I kept my mouth shut.

"Let me know when she comes in to give her statement?"

"Sure thing Cap," Elliot nodded.

--XXX--

"Hey." Elliot knocked on my office door and poked his head inside, ruining the purpose of knocking. "Emma's here. She and Olivia are already in a room."

"Okay." I stood up and followed him, ending up behind a one way. "Aren't you going in?" I asked him as he took a spot next to me.

He shook his head. "I went into the hospital room, you should have seen her face. She was terrified."

I gave him an understanding nod before I flipped the intercom switch on so that we could hear them.

"Okay, Emma?" Olivia sat across the table from a girl who I recognized from the picture on the board as Emma MacGuire.

"Yeah." The girl just nodded miserably, an empty, hollow look on her face.

Olivia leaned over and clicked the tape recorder on. "Emma, start from the beginning." She picked up her pen and prepared to take notes.

Emma kept her eyes on the table in front of her as she spoke. "I-I was walking down the street when I heard a noise in the alley."

"Which street?" Olivia's voice was gentle and motherly as she spoke.

"Main." I watched as the fifteen-year-old swallowed hard, trying to find her voice again. "It sounded like a cat, so I decided to go look for it."

"Emma, do you remember which alley it was? Like if there were any stores next to it?"

She closed her eyes and thought for a moment. She quickly described the stores and buildings around it.

"Okay," Olivia jotted that down. "Then what happened?"

"Then it started getting farther and farther away from the street. I just kept following it. That's when it happened." Tears started slipping from her eyes. She unsuccessfully tried to blink them away.

"What happened, Emma?" Olivia patiently spoke in a soothing, relaxing tone.

"I felt someone put his hand over my mouth."

"Do remember anything about his hand? Did he have a tattoo? A birthmark? Was he wearing gloves?" Olivia tried to give her some examples.

"Yeah." She nodded and wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands. "He was wearing black leather gloves."

"After he put his hand over your mouth, then what happened?"

"Then he said that he had a gun and that if I screamed he'd kill me," she softly moaned, remembering. "Then I felt him press it to the side of my head."

"Then what did he do?"

"He moved it from my head and he pressed it against my back. He started pushing me forward, telling me to walk. He led me over to a spot in the alley where you couldn't see the street from." A sob caught in her throat. She choked it back and took a deep breath. "He p-pushed me on the ground." Her body began shaking as she started crying harder.

"Emma…" Olivia put the pen down and reached across the table, taking Emma's hands in hers. "Honey, I know this is hard, but it's _really_ important okay?" She looked into the young girl's eyes as she spoke and even I could hear the honesty and empathy in her voice. "We're almost done." Trying to give her one last reassuring smile, she let her hands go and picked the pen back up. "What happened next, Emma?"

"H-He started ripping my cl-clothes off." Her hands didn't even bother wiping her cheeks dry as they came up to cup her forehead. "Then h-he took off his. Then he raped me…" Once she said that, I didn't think that there was anyway that she was going to be able to continue. She was sobbing uncontrollably and rocking back and forth in her seat.

"Emma… Emma… Emma…" Olivia grabbed her hands again and repeated the girl's name until she looked up at her. "Did you ever see his face?"

Tears still streaming down the girl's face, she shook her head. "He w-was wearing a s-ski mask."

"After he raped you, what did he do?" Olivia's voice was starting to crack as well.

"H-He got up and p-pulled his gun out. He said h-he was s-sorry right b-before he shot m-me."

"Okay Emma." Olivia reached over and turned the tape recorder off, knowing that she couldn't get anything more out of the girl today. "It's all right Emma." Olivia put her hand on Emma's shoulder and tried to comfort her. Still bawling, she fell into Olivia's arms, putting her head on her shoulder.

"W-Why me!" The girl suddenly wailed. "Why me! What did I do..?" Her voice cut off with another sob.

"Emma, you didn't do anything." Though I couldn't see her face - the back of her head was towards the mirror – I could hear the tears in Olivia's voice.

"Then why'd this happen to me?" She demanded of my detective.

"I don't know honey." Olivia placed her hand on the back of the girl's head. "No one ever deserves this. You didn't do anything wrong. This is not your fault."

Suddenly, their voices clicked off. I looked up to see that Elliot had shut the intercom system off, his expression blank, but hardened nonetheless. I turned back to the mirror. Seeing that their positions hadn't changed, I spoke.

"Parents in the squad room?" I asked him.

"Mother, with Fin."

"I'll get her," I volunteered. Elliot just nodded, watching Olivia try to comfort Emma.


	38. 38 Stabler

Chapter 38 – Stabler

Thanks to Katydidit, AglaiaWar, Lizzie9, qt-angel, christopher-meloni-freak, littlesweetcupcake, volleylover, NeVeR-wAnTeD-tO-bE-dIfFeReNt-I-jUsT-wAnTeD-tO-bE-mE , boredsvunut, SVUchik18, viol8dbyalizzard, Lady Padfoot II, Opal Irises, Spikes Girl5, and nem for reviewing!  
Katydidit-Almost like Munch with yourconspiracy theories. ;) Just kidding. You're just going to have to keep reading to find out!  
littlesweetcupcake, new reviewer! Yay! Thanks for reading!  
volleylover-Thanks for the info, but I'll be honest with you. It took me two weeks after first starting this story to muster up the courage to post it as a fanfic. I can't even imagine trying to send it to some big company. Thanks for letting me know that though.  
NeVeR-wAnTeD-tO-bE-dIfFeReNt-I-jUsT-wAnTeD-tO-bE-mE-Romance or friends? The infamous question! You'll see... ;)  
Lady Padfoot II-That obvious that Liv is gonna get too involved, uh? I'll just have to add a little twist now that you've figured it out! ;)  
Opal Irises-I love that my updating makes you happy! Sorry you're home sick again! Get well soon! And to answer your question, there is absolutely no such this as a review that's too long! I wasn't too sure where I was taking the plot with Emma, but after yours and Lady Padfoot II's review, I've got it figured out!  
Spikes Girl5, new reviewer! Thanks so much for reading! Yay!

**Author's Note/Early Apology-** You know, in the two weeks I've been updating every night, today was the day I got the most reviews commenting on it. That's why what I say next makes me feel like crap. My Aunt is getting married in a few days so I have to drive out to go see it. And while I'm gone, I won't be anywhere near a computer. So I can't update, therefore, breaking my updating-every-night tradition I've started. I feel so bad! This is going to be my last update until Tuesday, _maybe_ Monday. Not that it makes up for it, but this chapter's mostly OE fluff, if that helps cushion the blow. ;) I feel so guilty that I'm gonna update with a bunch of chapters when I get back, I promise! 'Til then, here's Stabler.

Lyrics by Leann Rimes – Light In Your Eyes

Life can take your dreams and turn then upside down  
Friends will talk about you when you're not around  
Reality can really cut you down to size  
But don't ever lose that light in your eyes  
Don't ever lose that light in your eyes  
People make you promises they'll never keep  
Soon you'll know why people say talk is cheap  
Life resembles one big compromise  
But don't ever lose that light in your eyes  
Don't ever lose that light in your eyes  
Keep on shining  
Keep on smiling  
Don't lose faith and don't lose heart  
When you're crying, just keep trying to remind yourself  
You're a shining star, yes you are  
Just let 'em see that light in your eyes  
Don't ever lose that light in your eyes  
Keep on smiling  
Don't lose faith and don't lose heart  
When you're crying, just keep trying to remind yourself  
You're a shining star, yes you are  
Don't ever lose that light in your eyes  
Don't ever lose that light in your eyes…

****

Stabler

"Here's my card, it has my cell phone and home phone number on it. If you ever need to, call me, about anything." Olivia handed the card to Emma.

"Thanks." She just nodded and gave a nervous, awkward smile. Her mother's arm was tightly wrapped around her shoulders. Miss MacGuire was in her late thirties, brown hair, and blue eyes, almost like an older version of Emma.

"Thank you Detectives," she nodded towards Olivia and me, refusing to release her daughter for even a moment to shake our hands.

I just gave a warm, sympathetic smile to her. I could tell she was a good mother, but I wondered how she'd handle this. I couldn't imagine myself if it had been one of my children that were attacked. I would never let them out of my sight.

As the two women left, I watched Olivia watching them. If it were up to me, I'd never let _her_ out of my sight. The very thought might have brought a smile to my face if I hadn't just watched Emma's statement.

I felt there was no greater crime than that against a defenseless child. I still heard her words as she clung onto Olivia. "_Why me! What did I do? Why did this happen to me?"_

As I replayed Olivia's words, they sounded like they might have been to convince not just Emma, but herself. _"This is not your fault."_

Everyone could tell you that it wasn't your fault. You could even have spent your life telling other victims that. But when it comes around to you… you tend forget that and all the other things you thought you once knew.

"No, I'm not." I suddenly realized that Olivia had felt my stare on her.

"What?" I tried to act like I hadn't been watching her.

"No, I'm not," she repeated, a depressed look on her face.

"Not what?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"I'm not fine." She crossed her arms and sat down at her desk. She started shuffling through some papers but stopped when she noticed I wasn't talking back. "You were seconds away from asking me if I was okay. Don't tell me you weren't."

_That_ brought a smile to my face. Olivia was the only one who could read me like that. "So, maybe I was." I sat down across from her, feeling her eyes follow me. "You make me worry about you."

She looked up and I saw one corner of her mouth twitch, like a smile was threatening to come on. "Sorry if I've inconvenienced you."

"Never," I said right away, sincerely. "You know that."

"Yeah," she sighed as if only recently coming to terms with that fact. "But I wish I knew who the hell could do that to a little girl." Olivia tossed the writing tablet that she'd had during the statement in between our conjoined desks.

"The world is filled with sick psychos. You've always known that," I pointed out.

"Still doesn't make it right," she shook her head and spoke softly.

"And it never will," I agreed. "But it's not changing anytime soon."

She glanced up and searched my face. "Yeah, that's the really sick part."

--XXX--

"We're going to go down to the alley where she was attacked, see if we can find anything, then call CSU down," I informed the Captain. Olivia and I were in his office discussing the case.

"You should hurry. It's going to be dark soon." He pointed out. Olivia and I nodded, heading back out to the squad room. "Elliot." Once Olivia was out of earshot, the Captain stopped me.

"Yeah?" I held my hand on the doorknob, halfway to closing it.

"Keep an eye on Olivia. Make sure she doesn't get too involved," he frowned, his brows wrinkled.

"You saw her with Emma in the questioning room. She's already involved," I sighed.

"Elliot, you coming?" Olivia's exasperated voice called out from the other room.

"Yeah, Liv." I stood still for a moment, giving the Captain a shrug before I left.

--XXX--

"I am starving!" I moaned as Olivia and I walked out of the precinct. It was about eight o'clock and we'd just finished looking over the crime scene. We didn't find anything but a trail of Emma's blood.

"You miss one meal and it kills you," Olivia smiled. I was on my way to get lunch when I heard them calling a bus for her. Everything had been so hectic since then that we hadn't eaten.

"It does," I insisted. "Hey, isn't there a new pizzeria on the corner?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Just opened a week ago. I've heard it's really good."

"Let's go. I'll meet you there." I walked around to the driver's side of my car while Olivia did the same with hers.

"No thanks. I'm not really hungry." She tried to shrug my offer off.

"Come on," I urged. "My treat. I could use the company before I go back to that big, empty house," I grinned.

"So you're kicking me out already?" She called over from her car.

"What do you mean?"

She just smiled and shook her head as she opened her door. "I'll meet you there!"

--XXX--

"I could have walked and been here before you." As I stepped out of the car, I found Olivia already leaning against the brick building, like she'd been here for hours.

"Exactly how fast do you drive?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Faster than you," she shot back, a smile on her face.

"Apparently." I stuck my frozen hands in my pockets and stepped up onto the curb, walking towards my partner. "Seriously, how long have you been here?"

"Only a minute," she shrugged, opening the door to the restaurant. She went in first and held the door open for me.

"Thanks." I was instantly hit with a blast of warm air and an aroma that almost made my mouth water, a mix of dough, pepperoni, and all the normal things you'd smell in a pizza shop.

While I was preoccupied essence of the place, Olivia talked to the host. "Table for two."

"Okay." The host was a teenage boy with dark brown hair that came to his shoulders, gelled so that the ends stuck forward, covering his face. The "skateboarder" look and very cute, so my daughters told me. I had to bite my tongue to keep from suggesting him to a barber I knew. "Right this way." He led Olivia and I to a small round table, covered in a red and white checkered pattern. "Here you go." While Olivia and I sat down, he placed two menus in front of us. "Your server will be with you in a minute."

"Thank you." I politely smiled before he left. Turning my attention towards the menu, I started reading it over. They had all types of pizza, pasta, subs, anything Italian that you could want. Just as I was about to ask Olivia what she wanted, a voice interrupted me.

"Hi! I'm Paula and I'll be your server." The voice belonged to a fairly young woman, in her twenties with her curly red hair pulled back into a bun, an occasional lock falling out and curving around her freckled face. "Could I get you folks something to drink?" Olivia and I placed our drink order in. "Okay." She quickly jotted it down and looked back up, the smile never leaving her face. "I'll be back in a minute with those and to take your order."

"Thanks." This time Olivia spoke. "So, what are you getting?" I felt her eyes settle on me.

"Pizza." I looked up over the top of my menu at her. "You?"

"Same." She folded the menu back up and set it in the middle of the table.

"Wanna spilt one?" I offered, following suit.

"All that complaining about how hungry you were and now you want to split a pizza?" She sat forward, leaning her elbows against the table.

"I said I was hungry, not that I was a human garbage disposal," I answered her.

"Fair enough," she grinned. "What do you want on it?" She flipped the laminated menus over and scanned her eyes through the list of toppings.

"You decide. I don't care."

"Okay…" I could have sworn I detected a twisted grin on her face the moment I said that. "So how does anchovies, onions, and pineapples sound?" She looked up, a completely serious look on her face.

"Like a bad Spongebob Squarepants episode." I joked, referring to the cartoon Dickie and Elizabeth were obsessed with.

"Are you guys ready?" Paula reappeared next to the table, setting our drinks in front of us. Her pen and pad in hand once she finished.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded and turned towards me. "So anchovies, onions, and pineapples, right?" She whispered, like she was double-checking.

"What?" I felt my eyes widen, suddenly realizing she was serious. "No!" I didn't like any of those, much less on a pizza.

"Great." Olivia smiled and looked up at Paula, handing her the menus. "We'll have a large pizza," she paused and turned to me, mischief sparkling in her eyes. Opening my mouth to stop her, she quickly finished her sentence. "With extra cheese and pepperoni."

"Okay." The hostess smiled again, readjusting the menus in her arms before she left.

"That was mean." I stared at Olivia accusingly. "Threatening to ruin a pizza like that."

"But the look on your face was _so_ worth it," she laughed, placing a straw in her soda and twirling it around before bringing it up to her lips.

I just smiled and left the subject alone, doing the same with my drink. "Now what were you saying before we left the station?"

She bit her lip and thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah." She was hit with a sudden recollection. "You're kicking me out of the house already?"

"Kicking you out?" I frowned at her question. "No. I just thought you'd want to go back to your apartment."

"Well, if I'm not wanted elsewhere…" She spoke with an attitude.

"Yes," I agreed. "I'll let you stay with me for three days straight, then suddenly kick you out just because I can." I pretended to boast. "Because that's the type of person I am," I played along.

"I knew there was a mean streak in you Stabler!" She declared.

"_Very_ mean," I affirmed. "Very mean and threatening." I tried to put the biggest "tough guy" face on that I could.

My actions brought no fear, only a chuckle from Olivia. "You're as threatening as a puffy white cloud."

"Hey!" I was somewhat genuinely insulted as I objected. The two of us just played back and forth, bouncing 'insult' after 'insult' off of each other until the pizza finally came.

"Here we are." Paula placed the pizza and the metal plate it was on in between Olivia and I.

We thanked her and I dove right in. I picked a piece up by the crust and transferred it to one of the small individual plates Paula had left behind. I held it up to my mouth with both hands and took a big bite. I quickly swallowed it, feeling it burn all the way down. They must have just taken it out of the oven.

"Good?" I looked up to see Olivia with her hands folded on the table, a piece of untouched pizza on her plate.

"Hot." I said, gulping my soda as my eyes watered from the pizza.

"Maybe next time you'll listen to the waitress when she tells you that," she said in a disapproving tone.

"When did she say that?" I hadn't heard that.

"Right as you attacked the pizza."

"Oh." I said somewhat sheepishly. Turning my gaze back to the pizza, I picked a piece of pepperoni off and stuck it in my mouth. I was hungry, but not enough so to risk burning the skin in my mouth off.

"El?" I heard Olivia's voice and looked up.

"Yeah?" I rested my elbow on the table and leaned my head against my hand, still staring at her.

"I just wanted to apologize. I know I was snapping you off all day, and I shouldn't have. You were just trying to help." She stared back, waiting for me to say something.

"It's okay," I assured her with a smile. "I understand." The second that left my mouth, I snapped it shut. The truth was that I _knew,_ but I could never _understand_. I waited to see if she'd call me on it.

"Why are you so sweet to me?" She suddenly asked, unaffected by my last statement.

Caught off guard, I responded with a joke. "First I'm as threatening as a puffy white cloud and now I'm sweet? You are so ruining my 'rep'!"

She smiled, but that didn't throw her off the trail. "El, I'm serious. I've been so horrible to you and you've been so nice and understanding through everything. Anybody else would have hated me or wanted to switch partners or something, not have me stay over at their house. Why haven't you?" I watched her big brown eyes bore into me, trying to read my face.

"Had it been anyone else I probably would have," I answered, turning my head to the side to look at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She folded her arms and stared at me curiously.

I sat in silence for a moment as I thought. "How long have we been partners?"

She didn't need even two seconds to think about that. "Seven years."

"Face it," I sighed. "For seven years we've been around each other daily, sometimes even longer than that. We probably know each other better than we know ourselves. After seven years of that _and _entrusting our lives in one another, we've gotten attached." I slowly felt a smile creep across my face as I spoke. "I couldn't imagine doing this without you as my partner. _That_," I added, "and if I switched partners, Cragen would probably pair me up with Munch or Fin. They're like giving a loaded gun to a kid, not a good idea." We just smiled, locking gazes for a moment before Olivia cleared her throat and changed the subject.

"So, think the pizza's any cooler?" She picked it up, holding it towards her mouth.

"About you test it out this time?" I suggested, my mouth still literally throbbing from burning it a few minutes ago.

"But your expression is priceless when you do it!" She argued with a smart-aleck grin.

"It's not priceless," I contradicted her. "It costs me another layer of skin in my mouth each time I burn one off."

"Nice visual," she commented, finally biting into the slice. This pizza wasn't only piping hot, but it was the greasiest thing I'd ever seen. As I watched Olivia's reaction, I also noticed a trail of orange grease start to slide down her hand. She quickly wiped it off on the napkin in her lap.

"Any better?" I hoped.

"It's good!" She remarked, taking another bite.

--XXX--

"I'm stuffed," Olivia sat back in her chair, watching me finish my fourth slice. "You going for a record?"

"Yep." I swallowed the last bite down. "I figure I'll join in some of those eating tournaments, earn some money, and quit the force. Competitive eating's my real passion."

"I bet." Olivia just rolled her eyes at me. "Are you ready to go yet?"

"You don't want some coffee or something? You know I don't have a coffee maker at home."

"All right, but then we're going," she pointed a finger at me like a mother allowing her begging kid stay at the playground for five more minutes.

"Yes ma'am," I mock saluted her.

"Hilarious," she remarked.

"Hey folks." Suddenly Paula appeared next to the table again. For someone with such an outgoing personality, she could sure sneak up on you. "Could I interest you in dessert? We've got some specials. There's our double fudge triple-decker cake, our homemade milkshakes, and our featured special for couples." She winked at us and pulled a dessert menu from her apron. "It's a heart-shaped piece of ice cream cake served with chocolate mousse, very romantic," she smiled at me, placing the picture on the table. Indeed, that's what it looked like in the picture. There was always a caption under it, "Perfect to share for that special someone."

"Oh, um no…" I felt my face reddening. Looking at Olivia, I saw her face suddenly start to flush as well. The waitress thought we were a couple. "We'll just have two coffees," I quickly ordered.

"You sure?" She picked the menu back up and slid it into her apron again.

"Positive," Olivia answered for me.

"Okay." She shrugged and wrote that down. "Two coffees." As she walked away, we heard her mumble under her breath, "Glad he's not _my_ date."

"Do we look like a couple?" Olivia asked me once Paula was out of earshot.

I just laughed, my embarrassment gone at her nervous question. "Don't say it like it's a death sentence or something. It was an innocent mistake."

"Right." Olivia just slumped in her chair, still obviously embarrassed by the girl's insinuation.

"At least I know what you really think of me now," I pointed out with a smile.

"Shut up Stabler." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, straightening somewhat.


	39. 39 Benson

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for updating! AglaiaWar, qt-angel, Opal Irises, svucharnedS.MFan, christopher-meloni-freak, tria246815, Katydidit, Lizzie9, nem, BowerPauer, fufubird, and TeacherTam.  
Katydidit-I'm glad you're not upset that I compared you to Munch. That's not at all what I meant when I said that. I totally agree, you have to love him and his crazy government theories! ;)  
TeacherTam-...seven, eight, nine. Oh, sorry. Just counting all your reviews! ;) Thank you so much! And believe me when I say that I never get tired of reviews, grammatical or not. I appreciate them all! While we're on the subject of grammar, I have a question for you, just because I'm curious and you seem like the perfect person to ask. (I hope I don't sound too stupid, because I know I should know this already.)Now, I know the words 'affect' and 'effect' have two different meanings, but I always get them confused. I was just wondering if you could tell me the difference? I'd appreciate it, thanks!  
fufubird-I could tell you about some things later on, but that'd be giving it away! I'm glad you apprecate the daily updates. That gives me a reason to keep doing it. Yeah, and about everyone having lives? I'm one of those ones that pretend I do, for the most part. ;) That wedding was the only thing I've done all summer, aside from sit on my butt and spend hours writing this story.  
New reviewers-svucharnedS.MFan, BowerPauer, and fufubird-Yay! Thanks!

Oh, I had so much fun at the wedding! It was so sweet! Maybe even inspired me for something later on in this story? ;)P  
I got mixed emotions about the last chapter, and they were all good! Though, it sounds like I almost gave Opal Irises a heart attack with the OE fluff.  
Now, because I never break a promise, I feverishly slaved hours over the computer keyboard, pulling an all-nighter, cranking these chapters out. So, I hope they're to your liking. :)  
And, just a little note here, these nextchapters are mainly, maybe all, Benson and Stabler. If I've been reading almost everyone's reviews right, that should make most of you really happy. ;)

**Disclaimer/Informational Note-**I'm not one of those writer's who puts a disclaimer in every chapter because I think it's obvious I don't own this show or anything that I mention in this story, and I don't feel that someone would sue me over this. But nonetheless, I feel I should put this in here. Later on in this chapter, I mention the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation. This is a real organization dedicated to rasing money for "funding research that develops treatments and cures for paralysis cause by spinal cord injury and other central nervous system disorders." I first found out about it through my grandmother and I'm not too familiar with it, but if you'd like to learn more, you can go to his website at I hope my telling you that isn't against any fanfic rules, but if it is, let me know and I can remove it. Also, I made that part up entirely, the donation and everything.

Chapter 39 – Benson

Lyrics by Montgomery Gentry – Something To Be Proud Of

That's something to be proud of  
That's a life you can hang your hat on  
That's a chin held high as a tear falls down  
Gut sucked in, chest stuck out  
Like a small town flag a-flying  
Or a newborn baby crying  
In the arms of the woman that you love  
That's something to be proud of  
Dad, I wonder if I ever let you down?  
If you're ashamed of how I turned out?  
Well he lowered his voice  
And he raised his brow  
He said let me tell you right now  
That's something to be proud of  
That's a life you can hang your hat on  
You don't need to make a million  
Just be thankful to be working  
If you're doing what you're able  
Putting food there on the table  
And providing for the family that you love  
That's something to be proud of  
And if all you ever really do is the best you can  
Well you did it man  
That's something to be proud of  
That's a life you can hang your hat on  
That's a chin held high as a tear falls down  
Gut sucked in, chest stuck out  
Like a small town flag a-flying  
Or a newborn baby crying  
In the arms of the woman that you love  
That's something to be proud of  
Now, that's something to be proud of…

****

Benson

"You really need to get a coffee maker," I told Elliot as we waited in line at the coffee shop by his house.

"You could always go home and use yours," he suggested.

"And leave you all alone in that big empty house? I wouldn't dream of it." I'd spent the night at Elliot's again.

"Any possible way I could take those words back?"

"Too late," I grinned, turning around to order our coffee and donuts. As I had promised him, I was paying for his like he'd paid for mine yesterday.

"So what are we doing today?" He asked as I handed him the glazed donut and Styrofoam cup filled with coffee.

"Warner should probably have something about the rape kit, and we should stop by Emma's house, see if she can tell us anymore."

"Okay." He nodded and we walked out into the cold, back into his car.

--XXX--

"So what did you find?" Elliot asked ME Warner as we followed her around her lab, the sights and smells familiar, but not at all welcoming.

She handed me the report and I opened it, flipping through the pages. "There was obvious vaginal trauma and a torn hymen," she informed us. "I also found spermicide."

"He was wearing a condom," I stated.

"Yes, but it broke." She picked a picture up off her desk. "The doctor found this small fragment of condom inside her during the rape kit." The picture was a magnified snap shot of the condom. "I managed to identify the type of condom, Trojan." She handed Elliot a box of them, so we knew what it looked like.

"Did you find any DNA?" Elliot asked her, handing me the condom package.

"Thanks," I whispered sarcastically, stuffing it into my pocket.

"Yeah, there was a small hair in her underwear, not hers. The follicle was still attached. I ran it through the system, no match."

"But this couldn't have been his first time." I looked at Elliot, the information buzzing around in my head. "He managed to rape and shoot her in the middle of the day without anyone noticing. He has to have prior assaults."

Elliot shrugged. "Probably, just none that he's been charged with."

"Okay." I nodded and thought that over. "Let's go see what else Emma can tell us." I turned back to Warner for a second. "Thanks." I smiled and headed off with Elliot.

"Olivia!" Melinda's voice pulled me back.

"Yeah?" Elliot stopped as well, yet remaining out of ear shot while I walked back towards Warner.

"I heard what happened…" She offered as an explanation. "Are you all right?" She put her hand on my arm and looked at me with concern and care.

"Fine." I put my hand over hers and smiled, reassuring her.

"Okay." She managed to force a small smile onto her face. "But if you want to talk or anything, I'm here."

"Thanks." I held her hand in mine for a second before releasing at and walking back to Elliot.

--XXX--

"Maybe they aren't home." Elliot suggested as I knocked on the apartment door.

"El, she's got a gunshot wound and she was just raped. I doubt she's back at school." At the same moment I finished, I heard a voice on the other side of the door.

"Who is it?" Though timid and barely above a whisper, I recognized it.

"Emma?" I spoke loud enough to be heard through the door. "It's Olivia Benson. I'm here with my partner Elliot. We were wondering if we could talk to you." I held my ear to the door and looked at Elliot while I waited for an answer.

"Hold on," she called back. There were a few minutes of metallic scraping noises before the door opened, revealing Emma. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she wore light pink pajamas, adorned with puppies and kittens. She held a hand over her stomach while her eyes gazed over the doorway. She mustered up a polite smile. "Hi. Come in." She stood back and allowed Elliot and I to walk through.

"Thanks." Walking into the living room, I immediately felt a sense of homely comfort. It was decorated in old nick-knacks and family photos and heirlooms. There was an inviting aura to it.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get to the door," she apologized, shutting and locking it behind her. "My mom's not here and my stomach's still sore." Watching her walk over towards the middle of the living room, I saw the pain in her face with each step she took. She was more than sore.

"Are you all right?" I stood next to her, ready to help her if she needed it.

"I'm fine." She shrugged off my worry and finally made it to a recliner, easing herself into it and trying not to show how much it hurt.

"Where's your mom?" I took a seat on the side of the couch, right next to Emma. Elliot, remembering the girl's reaction to him at the hospital, sat in a recliner identical to Emma's on the opposite side of the room.

"She's at work. She wanted to stay home with me, but I told her to go, that I'd be fine."

"Oh," I nodded and smiled understandingly. "Actually, we wanted to ask you some questions about the man who attacked you." I stole a glance at Elliot, motioning for him to listen in and take notes.

"Okay." I noticed her stiffen the moment I said that. She looked away and tried to hide the fear in her voice.

"Do you remember how tall he was?" I turned my head and tried to look at her as I spoke.

"About my height," she shrugged her shoulders, "average."

"Was he black or white?"

"White. The ski mask didn't cover his neck." I saw her take a deep breath and face me, her eyes already becoming misty.

"Do you remember how he was built? Like if he was skinny or fat?" Because she didn't see his face, body characteristics were all we could really go on.

"Neither. He was just average."

"Did he ever say anything to you?"

"Just once." She bit her lip and looked to the side, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Afterwards…" I knew she meant after the rape. "He said 'sorry' right before he shot me."

"Did you recognize his voice?" She shook her head. "Do you remember seeing any logos or brand names on the clothes he was wearing?"

"No. He just had a black leather coat and jeans on."

"Is there anything else you remember about him?"

She thought for a moment before she answered. "His eyes…" She whispered, now showing hatred in her eyes behind her unshed tears. "He had light blue eyes, like ice."

"Emma, do you know of anyone who'd want to hurt you, maybe someone that has a grudge against you?

"No, no one." She shook her head.

I turned towards Elliot, locking eyes with him for a moment. 'Anything else?' I mouthed to him. He just shook his head and flipped his notepad shut, stuffing it back into his coat.

"Okay. That's all for now Emma." I stood up and placed my hand on her shoulder, feeling her go rigid at my touch. "Thank you."

"Sure." She forced a fake smile on her face.

--XXX--

"Okay people, talk to me. What do we have?" Cragen paced through the office with his hands in his pockets. He restlessly looked over each of our faces as he waited for someone to speak. I was sitting on top of my desk, my arms folded as I flipped through random pages of Elliot's notepad, looking at the notes he'd taken. Elliot was leaning back on his squeaky chair, one leg sitting on top of the other and his hands laced together behind his head, his normal pose.

Fin and Munch were there as well, Fin leaning against his desk and Munch standing. Their case had been one of the simpler ones, the perp having turned himself in the day after the attack, so they had spent the day working Emma's case as well.

"We know that Emma was a miniature Mother Teresa before she could even do long division," Munch's rough voice spoke first, picking up a manila folder. "When she was three, her father was in a car accident. He became paralyzed because of a spinal cord injury. He died a year later because of complications. When she was nine, her mother explained to her what happened. Then she heard of the Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation and decided to start a fund-raiser, to raise money to donate to it to help people like her father."

Fin joined in. "Through donations, bake sales, car washes, and everything else, she raised over $10,000, all to give to the Foundation."

"Ten _thousand_ dollars?" Elliot repeated, thinking he heard wrong.

"Over half of that was donated by big electronic companies and other CEO's of different store chains." Munch placed another picture on the board. This one was of a nine-year-old Emma handing one of those enormously over-sized checks to a man in a suit, the two of them surrounded by a large crowd of people. "And she didn't stop there," John stepped away and opened his notepad.

"We talked to her mom," Fin filled in for his partner. "Emma's also involved in community service."

"Like what?" I wondered aloud, studying the picture John had taped up.

"You name it," he answered. "She helps out at the animal shelter, she reads to patients in nursing homes, she's part of a group that cleans up parks, she's a candy striper at the hospital, she makes daily visits to the children ward at Bellevue to play with the kids, and the list goes on."

"We also went to her school. She's a straight-A student, on the principal's list, and she tutors and counsels kids in her spare time. Guidance counselor also said she was friends with everybody, not a person who didn't like her."

"It sounds like she's got the perfect life," Elliot remarked in amazement.

"Well, she did," I sighed, staring into the terrified eyes in the picture of Emma at the hospital. I mentally noted the silence that followed my statement and tried to ignore it at the same time.

"When you went to her school, did anyone happen to mention if she had any boyfriends in all that?" Cragen broke the awkward pause first.

"Nope. But there was a guy that everyone said had his eyes on her," Fin brought up, moving over towards the board with a picture in his hands. "Greg Reid, seventeen."

"So why is he an automatic suspect?" Elliot asked, leaning forward.

"Because he has a problem with rejection." He slapped the snapshot up next to the other two. The boy in the picture had short shaggy hair, a crooked grin, and striking blue eyes.

"Apparently, he asked her out in front of his friends. After she said 'no' and left, he told his friends, and I quote," John held up a finger, " 'I can't wait 'til that little slutty tease gets what's coming to her.' "

"Go pick him up," Cragen spoke, still looking at Munch and Fin.

"We'll go." I volunteered Elliot and myself, hopping off of my desk and grabbing my coat.


	40. 40 Stabler

Chapter 40 – Stabler

Note to Lady Padfoot II- I promised it, so here it is. More action, just for you. ;) I hope you like it!

Lyrics by Pink – My Vietnam

Momma was a lunitic, she liked to push my buttons  
She said I wasn't good enough, but I guess I wasn't trying  
Never like school that much, they tried to teach me better  
But I just wasn't hearing it because I thought I was already pretty clever  
And  
This is my Vietnam  
I'm at war  
They keeps on dropping bombs  
And I keep score  
This is my Vietnam  
I'm at war  
They keep on dropping bombs  
And I keep score  
What do you expect from me?  
What am I not giving you?  
What could I do for you to make me OK in your eyes?  
This is my Vietnam  
I'm at war  
They keep on dropping bombs  
And I keep score  
This is my Vietnam  
I'm at war  
Life keeps on dropping bombs  
And I keep score  
This is my Vietnam  
This is my Vietnam…

****

Stabler

"How's your hand?" Olivia suddenly appeared next to me with an ice pack.

"I just scraped it, I'm fine." In trying to pick up Reid for questioning, he pulled the oldest move in the book and tried to run, just like every other suspect or perp. Liv and I managed to cut him off in an alley, but he tried jumping over a barbed wire fence. As I pulled him down, I sliced up the back of my hand against the barbs. Now I was holding some papers towels against it to stop the bleeding.

"Let me see." Olivia grabbed my wrist and yanked my hand towards her. She started unwrapping the napkins.

"It's fine," I insisted as I tried to tug my arm away from her grip.

"Let me see." She was just as stubborn as she pulled back.

"It's just a cut!"

"Fine." She released my wrists and grabbed my injured hand in hers, squeezing as hard as she could.

"Ow!" I jerked back, seeing little lines of blood starting to seep through the napkin. "That hurt!"

"So it does hurt," she smirked. "Let me see," she repeated for the third time. Deciding that keeping my hand was more important than being stubborn, I ripped the towels off and swung my hand in front of her face, like a woman showing off a ring.

"See?" I asked obnoxiously.

She rolled her eyes and held it steady, glancing it over. "Look at some of these cuts El, it's more than a scrape." I did as she ordered and saw it for the first time. My skin was really just raw, a few small cuts here and there.

"I'll live!" I declared. "Let's just go question him before he has a chance to lawyer up." I motioned towards the one way mirror we were standing behind. Reid was on the other side.

As we walked into the room, Olivia and I both kept calm, collected, blank stares on our faces as we separated, one of us coming towards him on either side, like animals sneaking up on their prey. Olivia stopped at the end of the table, leaving a three-foot gap between herself and Reid. I kept going until I was almost right next to him. During all of this, Reid's eyes just carefully surveyed the scene, not sure if he should be worried yet.

"So," Olivia started, unfolding her arms. "Why'd you run?" She put her hands on the edge of the table and propped herself up, leaning closer in towards him.

"I didn't do anything," he shrugged. I'd lost count of how many times he'd insisted that since we brought him in.

"If you're so innocent," I snapped, leaning in as well, "then tell us why you ran."

"Because seeing cops running after me freak me out. Besides, cops like you took my old man away when I was a kid." His voice started elevating, and he quickly tried to suppress his anger.

"We ran because you ran, an obvious sign that someone's feeling guilty about something," Olivia taunted him, a knowing and threatening smile on her face.

The kid's face suddenly turned into a twisted, irate grin. His head slowly turned towards Olivia, frustration seeping into his placid gaze. "I'll say it slower for your lady friend here," he snapped in her face as he spoke to me. "I. Didn't. Do. Anything." He dragged each word out, meticulously stressing each syllable as he glared at her.

Not intimidated in the slightest, Olivia met him glare for glare, neither one of them backing down. Finally, Olivia spoke. "Where were you yesterday afternoon?"

"Why should I tell you?" He muttered, not giving an inch.

"Because a girl was shot in an alley a few blocks away from here. From what we've heard, you're looking pretty good for it." She pushed off of the table with her hands, slightly pushing it back into Reid's stomach. She circled the table and looked him square in the eye. "I'd suggest you tell us where you were if you want to clear yourself."

"Well," he said in a smart-aleck tone as he pretended to think about it. "It was a Monday, so I guess I was in school."

"Na," I interrupted. "See, that's not gonna work with us. We called your school. They said you were absent Monday." I sat across from him on the table, folding my hands in my lap. "So how about you cut the crap and tell us the truth, before you totally incriminate yourself."

"Fine." His face lost its smile as he realized we weren't playing around. "I over-slept. By the time I woke up school was almost over, so I decided to skip the rest of the day? Okay?" He raised his eyebrows and held his hands up, a 'are-you-happy-now' look on his face.

"When did you wake up?" Olivia quickly threw at him.

He just shrugged and looked at the table, trying to think. By the way he didn't meet our stares, I knew he was just thinking up a lie. "About one."

"One in the afternoon?" I clarified, getting to my feet.

"No," he snapped sarcastically. "One in the morning. Yeah, in the _afternoon_."

"Can anyone vouch for you?"

He looked at Olivia and shook his head, an irritated laugh escaping him. "I'd tell ya to ask my mom, but she's never home to know whether or not _I_ am. She's too freaking busy working all day and night to give a damn what I do!"

"I bet she's working just to keep your selfish ass fed and in school!" I snarled, slamming my hand on the table and causing an unsuspecting Reid to slightly jump back. Pretending to act as if I was fuming, I went to the far wall and restlessly began pacing back and forth, my glare never leaving the kid's face.

"Emma MacGuire," Olivia pulled Reid's attention back to her. "Does the name ring any bells?"

"I know the little slut," he said bitterly, leaning back in his chair.

"I think you more than 'know' her." Olivia picked up the folder that had been sitting on the ledge underneath the mirror the entire time. She casually flipped through it, letting Reid sweat out what her next move would be. "In fact, didn't you ask her out once?"

At this, Reid crossed his arms and bit his tongue, rolling his eyes at her question, like the mere suggestion was ludicrous.

"And," a hint of a smile crossing her face, just to add to the effect of her next statement, "didn't she turn you down, right in front of all your friends?"

I watched him clench his jaw together the moment she said that. He shut his mouth and tried to bore a hole through Olivia with merely his gaze.

"That had to embarrass you." I switched from being angry to being mock sympathetic. "Having your status hurt by that little girl that should be kissing your feet out of gratitude. So you decide to retaliate, teach her a lesson."

"So one day, you skip school, follow her around and wait for the right moment." Olivia joined in and the two of us bounced back and forth, filling the story in. Each time we spoke, we moved closer towards Reid.

"You follow her onto an empty street, then watch as she goes into an alley, all by herself."

"You realize you have the perfect chance. Then you follow her in, attack her from behind."

"You hold her down and rape her, just to show her what she turned down."

"Then you decide to make her suffer for your embarrassment. You shoot her in the stomach and leave her to die." Olivia ripped the papers out of the file and hurled the folder across the room. Throwing them against the table, she furiously spread the pictures of Emma out.

"I didn't touch her!" He yelled, but remained motionless, refusing to look at the pictures. "Yeah, the bitch turned me down," instantly regained his composure and slipped back behind his blank expression, "but I didn't rape or shoot her."

"Well, I think you did." Olivia braced herself against the side of the table as she bent her head to bring her face to level with Reid's, their faces half a foot apart with nothing between them.

Reid suddenly lost his unwavering expression and laughed, slumping back into the chair. "Hate to break it to ya sweet stuff, but your opinion ain't worth too much." He suddenly sat forward and looked into her hate-filled eyes. "And besides," he winked, like he was flirting with her, "that girl was as flat-chested as a board. I like my women with boobs, like you." A huge grin on his face, he raised his left arm up and cupped Olivia's breast in his hand. Just as I was about to jump the sonofabitch myself, Olivia pounced.

Taking her right hand, she wrapped it around the wrist of his outstretched arm. In one swift, circular motion, she managed to pull him out of his seat and whip his arm behind his back, like she was going to cuff him. Forcefully, she rammed him chest first into the stone wall next to her. A whoosh of air escaped from his mouth as she knocked the wind out of him. While he was still in a slight shock, she grabbed his other wrist with her free hand and twisted it around like his other one. Holding his hands behind him, she shoved them into his lower back, pressing his face against the wall even more. The pain from this seemed to snap him out of his shock.

"Bitch, what the hell are you doing!" He begged breathlessly, fear in his voice for the first time that day. "Get the hell off me!" He tried to sound demanding as he struggled to put up a pathetic attempt to free himself from Olivia's arm lock.

"How many times did Emma say that!" She growled, quickly adjusting his arms so that she only needed one hand to hold them. Lunging her free hand towards his head, she grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled, craning his neck back.

"Stop!" He begged, tears forming in his eyes from the pain.

I watched on in shocked awe at Olivia's actions. In her face, I saw an expression beyond definition. There was a loathing, abhorrent fire in her eyes that was also apparent in each of her features. I'd seen her watch the most horrible, gruesome people and events before, but never in the seven years had I known her had I _ever_ seen this look on her face before. Honestly, it scared even _me_.

To his pleadings, she reacted by yanking his hair even harder, pulling his head back so she could look down at his face. "How many times did Emma beg you to stop while you were raping her!" She screamed into his face. "What in the hell did she _ever_ do to you to deserve that!" When he didn't answer, she yelled again, giving her handclutching his haira sharp jerk. "What!"

"Nothing!" He sobbed in pain as tears streamed down his face. "Nothing!"

Suddenly, I felt myself pull out of my stupefied daze. "Olivia," I whispered in a low, soothing voice. I walked towards her slowly so I wouldn't startle her. One wrong move and she could have easily snapped this kid's neck. "Olivia," I repeated, now only a yard away from her. "Let him go." Anger still pulsating through her eyes, she gazed up at me. "Liv, just let go," I urged her desperately.

Slowly, she unclenched her fist and let her arms fall to her side. Seizing his chance, the kid scrambled away, shoving himself into a corner as far away from Olivia as possible.

"Come on." I wrapped my arm around my motionless partner and carefully led her to the door. As I was doing so, I prayed that the kid would be smart for once and keep his mouth shut. I couldn't be sure what she'd do if he spoke again.

Safely outside the room, I shut the door behind us. Olivia hadn't said a thing since she'd screamed at Reid.

"Olivia?" I turned my head, trying see to her face. Her head was tilted down towards the floor. "Are you okay?" I rested my hand on her shoulder and slightly massaged it, trying to get her attention.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, falling into my arms as she buried her face in my chest.

"It's okay Liv." I snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her back far enough so that I could see her face. She seemed exhausted more than anything and she was slightly shaking. _After effects of an adrenaline surge,_ I thought to myself.

"I don't know why I did that…" She frowned and shook her head, trying to figure out her actions.

"Liv, yes you do." I looked her in the eye and gave a reassuring half-smile, waiting for her to realize I was talking about her attack. She opened her mouth to answer, but the words were lost in her throat. As her mouth opened and closed, trying to say something, I suddenly felt a pair of eyes on me. Looking up, I saw Cragen standing in the hallway, glaring at us. Something told me he knew everything that had happened a few minutes ago.

Now, I was the one who couldn't get my mouth to form any words. As the Captain's gaze traveled downwards, I realized my arm was still around Olivia's waist. Letting my hand fall, Cragen came up with enough words for all three of us.

"You two," he pointed. "My office. _Now._"

--XXX--

_He won't do anything. He wouldn't take her off the case, would he? Or worse, make her take more time off? No, he didn't do it earlier. Then again, Olivia didn't come inches away from snapping a kid's neck like a pencil 'earlier.'_

Thoughts buzzed around my head as I stared at the Captain's office door. I'd been behind it a few minutes ago, discussing everything that happened. After Olivia and I had explained the situation, with me jumping to her defense every other sentence, Cragen decided to talk to Olivia alone.

Suddenly, I saw Cragen's door open and a red-faced Olivia appeared behind it. I jumped to my feet and opened my mouth to speak, but she made a beeline for the exit before I could.

My mouth agape, I looked back towards the Captain's office. He was now standing in the doorway, a flustered look on his face. When I couldn't read his expression anymore than that, I grabbed my coat and Olivia's and followed the same path she took.


	41. 41 Benson

Chapter 41 – Benson

Lyrics by Simple Plan – Welcome To My Life

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
Do you ever want to run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming  
No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me...  
To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked, when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more  
Before your life is over?  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside your bleeding  
No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me...  
To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked, when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
No one ever lied straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy  
But I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
You never had to work  
It was always there  
You don't know what it's like  
What it's like  
To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked, when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's here to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked, when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's here to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life…_

****

Benson

"Captain, I shouldn't have-" The second Elliot had closed the door, I quickly tried to redeem myself.

"Olivia." His voice was a whisper as he raised his hand to silence me. "You're off the case." He rose from his chair and walked to the front of his desk.

"What?" My mouth fell open and I stood as well, trying to convince myself that I'd heard wrong.

"I'm taking you off the case," he repeated, no louder than before.

"But Captain, you can't!" My eyebrows scrunched up in disbelief as I objected.

"I can, and I am," he sighed reluctantly. "I don't want to, but I have no choice."

"But Captain, _he_ grabbed _me_!" I felt my voice rising in protest. "I was just defending myself!"

"Olivia, I know." There was an unmistakable pain in his words. I ignored his tone and focused on what he was saying.

"Then why…?" I shook my head and stared at him, waiting for an explanation.

"You're becoming too involved," was his answer. "And I'm concerned."

"A fifteen-year-old girl was raped and shot a few blocks from here! Yeah, I'm involved!" I agreed with incredulity.

"Olivia, I'm sorry. I'm doing this for your own good. You can't get so close to these cases after…" He suddenly closed his mouth and remained quiet.

"After? After what?" I crossed my arms and studied him, trying to figure out the end of his sentence. The answer slapped me like a cold gush of wind. "After I was attacked," I finished, angry tears glittering at the corners of my eyes.

"That's not what I meant." He quickly tried to take his words back as he stepped towards me.

"No," I sighed, trying to subside the sobs I felt coming. "That's what you meant, just not what you meant for me to hear." Biting my tongue and tears, I reached out for the doorknob.

"Olivia…" The distress and plea in Cragen's voice turned me back around.

"Just one question," I whispered, all attempts lost as the teardrops slipped down my cheeks. "How long am I going to be punished for being raped?" Leaving before I could shed any more tears in front of my boss, I opened the door and fled towards the exit, trying to ignore Elliot's stares.

Once I made it outside, I knew it'd be seconds before someone followed me, probably Elliot or Cragen. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone. I just wanted to be alone.

"Olivia!" I heard footsteps slap against concrete, like someone was running down the stairs. The only thing going through my mind was that I had to get away, be alone somewhere.

Without warning, I burst into a sprint across the street, seeing a gap in the traffic. I ran towards my car, hopped in, and started the ignition. I ignored Elliot's yells and sped away, not sure where I was going and not really caring.

As I came to a stoplight, I suddenly caught a glimpse of the car behind me. _He didn't…_ I adjusted my rear view mirror so that I could see the driver. "Sonofabitch!" I exclaimed in astonishment. Elliot was sitting in his car behind me, wildly motioning for me to pull over.

_I can't believe he followed me!_ Still staring at the mirror, I noticed a car go by me. Looking up, I saw the light had turned green. Anger still coursing through my veins, I stepped on the gas. My tires squealed as the car lurched to life. I'm still not sure what came over me as I started weaving in and out through streets, trying to lose Elliot. I adored him for being there for me and for everything he'd done, but I just wanted to be alone without having to explain myself.

As I pulled onto another street, I waited and saw Elliot's car reappear on my bumper. I felt my hands tighten around the leather steering wheel, turning my knuckles white. _Can't he take a hint!_

Clenching my jaw together, I suddenly jerked the car to a sharp right, haphazardly parking it in an alley, failing to notice that I'd run over the curb. I jerked the key from the ignition and tossed it in my pocket. I shoved the door open and put my feet on the ground, hearing the small pebbles and concrete pieces crunch under them.

"What in the hell are you doing!" I barked at my partner as I slammed the car door shut. He'd parked on the street and was only just now entering the alley.

"Liv-" He started to explain, but I stopped him.

"No, you know what? I don't really care! You have no right to follow me around!" I angrily cut into the air with my hands.

"Liv, I was just concerned about you." He tried to explain his actions, keeping the distance that we had between us.

"Yeah El! You and the rest of the world!" I referred to my discussion with Cragen. "Just stop, all right!"

"What happened?" He asked, daring to take a few steps towards me.

"It's _none_ of your damn business!" I snapped. "So just leave me the hell alone!" With those final words, I jumped back into my car. Just like when I'd left the station, I screeched out into the street, flying away along the road.

--XXX--

_My life sucks…_ I sighed miserably at my thought. After being raped, having everyone think I couldn't handle it, and chewing out my partner, the best I could come up with was the same complaint every other teenager in the world had. I slightly lifted my head up, my eyes level with the dark brown bottle sitting on the bar in front of me.

I was down at the Tavern, trying to lose myself amidst the cigarette smoke and smell of alcohol and vomit. My seat was the most secluded I could find, the very end of the bar, as far away from the door as possible. The dim lights and wasted people in front of me my cover, just in case anyone was looking for me. Of course, I was thinking about Elliot.

My reason for coming into the bar had been only an innocent one, hide from Elliot. Still staring at the unopened beer in front of me, I shifted my weight on the barstool. My intent had never been to come in here and get drunk. The only reason I had purchased the cheap bottle was to get the bartender to let me stay without grilling me for my life story.

Had I considered doing just that anyway? Sitting back and downing cold beer after beer, drowning myself in it? Of course. But I hadn't. Every time I flirted with the idea, my mother's face popped into my head, like an internal snapshot that I just couldn't get rid of. I couldn't drink… because I was scared. I was absolutely terrified at the thought of becoming my mother and becoming addicted to trying to wash away my attack with alcohol. That was a level I'd never allow myself to fall to, no matter how bad things got.

_Then again, how much worse could they be?_

I knew trying to cope with this would be difficult. I'd be a fool if I didn't admit that to myself from the start. But… I didn't think it'd be this hard.

I had so many regrets from the past week, so many things I wish I could go back and change, and nothing I could do to change hardly any of them. I despised myself for the way I'd been treating Elliot. How many times had he tried to climb over the walls I'd built around myself, only to have me shove him right back down to the ground? When would he learn? When would he learn that I wasn't worth this? That I wasn't worth the living hell he put himself through, all for self-absorbed _me_?

I'd dealt with Don no better, using my pain to guilt him into thinking that his care had been more to do with punishing me than anything else. He'd only been concerned and worried for my safety and the safety of everyone around me, and rightfully so. When I attacked that kid, I had lost all of my 'cop cover.' When I was twisting his body like a pretzel, I wasn't a police officer. I was just a victim staring at the face of my attacker. If I couldn't get through an interview without converting between the two like that, I _was_ a threat.

By now, I was acutely aware of the tears that were streaming down my cheeks again. I shook my head, trying to dislodge a sob caught in my throat. I hated what I'd become. Before being raped, I was head strong and independent, never showing a weak side, much less allowing myself to cry. Now, I couldn't remember the last time I'd gotten through a day without these salty rivers running from my eyes.

I rose from the barstool and kept my head down as I pushed through the drunken crowds to get to the door. Swinging the cheap wood open, I stepped into the dark city streets, only a few street lamps to light my way. A cold blanket covered me, bringing to my attention my absence of a coat and stinging my tears. I rubbed my face dry and filled my lungs with the cool, crisp night air.

As I made my way along the sidewalk to my car, I caught myself wondering where to go now. Only one thought fought its way to the front, _I wish I could go to Elliot's._ I gave a bitter laugh at the thought. Only _my_ logic could be so twisted that I'd actually expect him _not_ to hate me. He was only human, and he could only be pushed so far before he finally gave up hope… on me.

_So, no place left to go but 'home sweet home'._ I silently cursed the moronic being that had coined that ridiculous phrase as I drove towards my apartment.

--XXX--

The first thing I saw as I shuffled my feet down the hallway was an unmoving lump sitting right in front of my apartment door. My reflexes desperately tried to force my hand to my holster and plant my feet firmly where I was, but I resisted and continued walking towards the shadowy shape.

Only a few yards away, I realized it was a person, curled up in a ball, their form hidden by the coat and the face by the coat collar. It was only a few seconds later when I heard soft snores coming from the person. Creeping towards him, I quietly bent down to see their face. Pushing back the collar, I distinguished him at once. It was Elliot.

As I looked over the scene, I noticed that the coat covering his face wasn't his, but mine. It looked like he had staked out, waiting for me to come home, and had fallen asleep.

_What did I ever do to deserve having someone so wonderful in my life?_ I marveled, trying to stop tears of pure happiness and amazement from slipping down my face. Bending my knees and sitting on my ankles, I sat level with my sleeping partner. For a few moments, I just watched him sleep peacefully, an angelic presence about him.

_I should have learned by now,_ I scolded myself. _He is a man that will never cease to amaze me._ I could build the walls protecting me as high as I wanted. Nothing would ever stop him from trying to get past them.

Over-come, I suddenly reached my hand out. Slightly pressing the back of my hand to his temple, I ran my hand down the side of his face until my hand ended up on his shoulder.

"El?" I slightly shook him, trying to wake him from his slumber. A small yawn escaping him, his eyelids slowly rose.

"Olivia!" A stunned look crossed his still half-asleep face. Suddenly, he started shuffling around his lap. "I brought your coat." He held it towards me, like peace offering, a rueful look on his face.

"Thanks." I allowed a small smile to cross my face as I wrapped it around my arm and turned back to Elliot.

"Liv, I'm so sor-"

"El," I whispered, locking my eyes with his. I searched his face as I tried to find the right words to explain everything, and to apologize myself. After a minute, I settled on remaining silent, allowing my gaze to speak for me. For a minute, we just stared at each other, an understanding passing through us.

"Come on." I straightened my legs and offered my free hand to Elliot. "You're probably scaring my neighbors." He thoughtfully wrapped his hand around mine and I braced myself as he rose to his feet as well.

We walked into my apartment and I flipped the light on. As I wrapped my coat around the back of a dining room chair, I gave Elliot an offer. "You can sleep on my couch if you don't want to drive home." I turned around to face him. "It might be a little more comfortable than the floor."

"Thanks Liv," he grinned. "But really, you were right. I shouldn't have been following you around." His face flushed as he realized that he'd followed me to my apartment to tell me that. "I'm s-"

"Elliot, stop," I interrupted his apology again, putting my hands in my pockets. "You did what anyone else would have done." I sighed and shrugged, moving my gaze to the tiled floor. "I'm the self-absorbed jerk that can't see when someone is just trying to help because they care."

"Hey," he objected with affection in his voice. "If I can't blame myself, than neither can you."

"El, I-" The next thing I was going to say was suddenly cut off by a big yawn I couldn't manage to stifle.

"What time is it?" He moved his arm up to a light so that he could read his watch. "It's almost one in the morning." He looked at me. "And you look exhausted."

"You're the one who fell asleep in front of my door," I pointed out in slight defense.

"Well, then _I'll_ go to bed," he shrugged, flopping down on my couch, stretching out his arms and legs.

I went over to a closet and pulled out a spare blanket and pillow. "Here." I tossed the bundle to Elliot and it landed in his lap.

"Thanks." He grinned and picked it up, tossing the rectangular pillow to one end of the couch.

"Night." I said, heading towards my bedroom.

"Liv?" Elliot's voice turned me back around. He paused before speaking again, his eyes locked on mine. "You're not a jerk. And you're anything _but_ self-absorbed."

I just stared at him, at a loss for words. "Night," I repeated, a new smile on my face.

"Night." He finally said as well.


	42. 42 Stabler

Chapter 42 – Stabler

Just a little note here, this is the last chapter I'm going to post tonight. And just a warning, I start school on Wednesday, so I might not be able to update tomorrow night because my mom might actually make me go to bed... early! Ahh! So, just thought I'd let you know. ;)

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Jump

_I don't wanna wake up today  
'Cuz everyday's the same  
And I've been waiting so long  
For things to change  
I'm sick of this town, sick of my job  
Sick of my friends cause everyone's jaded  
Sick of this place, I wanna break free  
I'm so frustrated  
I just wanna jump  
Don't wanna think about tomorrow  
I just don't care tonight  
I just wanna jump  
Don't wanna think about my sorrow  
Let's go  
Forget your problems  
I just wanna jump  
I don't wanna wake up one day  
And find out it's too late  
To do all the things I wanna do  
So I'm gonna pack up my bags  
I'm never coming back  
'Cuz the years are passing by  
And I'm wasting all my time  
I'm sick of this house, sick of being broke,  
Sick of this town that's bringing me down,  
I'm sick of this place, I wanna break free,  
I'm so frustrated  
I just wanna jump  
Don't wanna think about tomorrow  
I just don't care tonight  
I just wanna jump  
Don't wanna think about my sorrow  
Let's go  
Forget about your problems  
I just wanna jump  
I just wanna jump  
I can't take it anymore  
I can't take it anymore  
Forget tomorrow  
I just wanna jump  
Don't wanna think about tomorrow  
I just don't care tonight  
I just wanna jump  
Don't wanna think about my sorrow  
Let's go  
Forget your problems  
It's time to let them go  
Forget tomorrow  
I just want to jump…_

****

Stabler

_Ooo… Is that, bacon?_ The first thing I awoke to was the smell of bacon cooking. As I opened my eyes, I also heard it sizzling. _Wait, where am I?_ I looked around, the room unfamiliar at first. My location suddenly hit me. I was sleeping on Olivia's couch.

I sat up and my mouth opened in a silent yawn. Stretching my arms out in front of me, I got to my feet.

"So you cook breakfast too?" I commented, seeing Olivia standing in front of her stove.

"What?" She turned around, letting her vision leave the pan as it made various popping and snapping noises. "You're up," she pointed out.

"You too," I grinned.

"Coffee?" She leaned over to the counter and picked a mug up. Turning back to the stove, she held it out to me.

"Thanks." I accepted it graciously. Tilting the ceramic mug to my lip, I let the warm liquid travel down my throat with a welcome greeting. Suddenly, I heard a faint ringing noise. "What's that?" I asked Olivia, tilting my head around to see if I could hear where it was coming from.

"What's what?" She reached up and turned the stove off, moving the pan from the hot burner.

"That ringing noise." I leaned forward, thinking I could hear where it was coming from. I walked towards my coat, hearing it become louder and clearer. I finally recognized it. "My phone!" I rushed over to the chair I'd thrown my jacket on the previous night. Shuffling through the pockets, I quickly found it. "Stabler," I answered.

"Elliot, where are you?" I was met with a warm greeting from my Captain. "You should have been at work an hour and a half ago and this is the first time I've been able to get a hold of you all morning."

I quickly pushed my shirtsleeve up so that I could see my watch. It was about nine-thirty. _Damnit!_ "I'm sorry Cap. I just got up and I didn't notice the time."

"I'll grill you later. Right now, you need to go over to Emma's apartment."

"What? Why?"

"Munch and Fin are already on their way. Go. _Now._" And with that, I heard the line click and go dead. Flipping my phone shut, I stuffed it back into my pocket as I grabbed my coat.

"Who was that?" Olivia asked, moving the cooked bacon onto a plate and paper towel.

"Cragen. He told me to go over to Emma's apartment. He said Munch and Fin were already on their way."

"What happened?" Shock covered her face as she waited for an explanation.

"I don't know." I shook my head and stuffed my arms into my coat.

"I'll go with you." Olivia grabbed her coat and followed me out the door.

--XXX--

By the time we arrived, CSU was already buzzing around, uniforms blocking the apartment off.

"Stabler, Benson, sex crimes." I showed the guy at the door my badge. He moved out of the way and let us past. "Fin!" I caught the attention of the other detective. "What happened?" He made his way past everyone and finally got to us.

"Mother called 911 an hour ago," he started, leading us towards the back of the apartment into another room. "Paramedics got here, but there was nothing they could do." He stopped in front of a doorway and pointed inside the room, signaling for Olivia and me to go in first. From the pink walls and stuffed animals in the room, I knew it had to be Emma's.

"El." I felt Olivia's hand grab at my side, trying to get my attention. There was an anxious tone in her voice. "Look." Her face went pale as she motioned to the bed. Lying on her back was the still body of Emma's.

She was wearing pajamas and her hair fell around her face. Her eyes were closed and her hands were folded on her stomach, like she was sleeping. But by her ghost-white skin and bluish lips, I knew she was dead.

"How'd it happen?" I heard Olivia's shaky voice ask someone. Glancing up, I saw ME Warner standing up from the side of the bed, her kit in her hands.

She looked down at the body, then back to us. "I didn't find any signs of a struggle, any bruising, or any other signs of how she died. But I did find this on the floor next to her bed." She handed me a pill bottle. I took it and held it forward so Olivia could see it too. "They're sleeping pills," Warner explained. "They're prescribed to the mother."

"So you think she over-dosed on these?" I held the bottle up and clarified.

"Yeah."

"Suicide?" Olivia suddenly spoke up.

Warner slowly nodded. "Judging by the date that the prescription was filled, I say the bottle contained about twenty pills or so."

"And now it's empty," I finished.

"That, and this was on her night stand." She picked up a piece of paper placed inside an evidence bag and handed it to Olivia.

"'Mom,'" Olivia read aloud. "'I'm so sorry. I love you so much, but I can't take it anymore.'" Olivia's voice caught in her throat. She cleared it and read on. "'Tell everyone I love them and that I'll miss them, but I'm in a better place now. I'm with Daddy. I love you and I'm so sorry to put you through this, but I can't handle it. I love you, Emma.'" Resting her gaze on the bed, she heedlessly tossed the bag into my hands.

The note was shakily written in pen, teardrops staining the lines and causing the ink to run. I caught the attention of one of the CSU detectives and I handed it to them. My eyes professionally scanned the room, looking for anything that might be out of place. Everything seemed normal until I saw an open book scattered among the sheets of Emma's bed. Being careful not to disturb her, I picked it up, holding the place it was open to.

Looking it over, I recognized it as a yearbook. The page was open to the section for juniors. The date on the cover was this year and the book looked brand new.

"Olivia, wasn't she a freshman?"

"What?" Olivia looked up at me. "Um, yeah. Fifteen, freshman." She didn't even bother asking why as she studied the pill bottle in her hands.

_If she was a freshman, why was she looking at the junior pictures?_ I quickly scanned them over, just to see if anyone seemed familiar or out of place. One picture jumped right out at me. It was the picture of Greg Reid. Staring at it, I ran my hand over it. I frowned, noticing that there seemed to be some wet spots on it where the paper was wrinkled. They were teardrops, just like on the suicide note, and they were all on the page with Reid's picture. _That can't be some sick coincidence._

"Olivia, look." I pushed the book in front of her. "She must have been looking at this right before she took the pills."

"The yearbook?" Olivia gave me a strange look. "So?"

"So look at whose picture's on this page." I pointed to Reid.

"Reid?" Her brows scrunched together as she studied it. "You don't think…?"

"That she knew?" I finished. I thought about that for a moment. "Wait. Yesterday, when you asked her if she knew of anyone who had any grudges against her, do you think she could have thought of Reid later on?" If she had, then it was really likely that she knew, or at least thought that it was Reid.

"His eyes…" Olivia suddenly whispered.

"What?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Yesterday, when I asked Emma if she could remember anything about her attacker, she said he had light blue eyes, like ice…" Thinking back to the interview, I remembered Reid's striking blue eyes. I couldn't believe I hadn't put two and two together.

"So she remembers Reid, looks in the book and realizes it was him…" I trailed off and let Olivia finish.

"And she can't handle knowing, so she kills herself," Olivia whispered in a wavering voice. I leaned forward and looked at her eyes, for the first time noticing the tears glittering in them. "I can't believe I didn't see this coming." She shook her head and looked from the body to the pill bottle in her hands. "I should have realized…"

"Realized what Olivia?" I put my hand on her shoulder and pushed her back so that she was facing me while her head hung towards the floor. "You can't see the future. You had no idea this was going to happen."

Olivia picked her head up and looked at Emma. "But I _knew_ what she was feeling. After talking to her, and everything… I could have talked to her…"

"Liv, don't say that. There was nothing you could have done to stop this from happening. So what if you had talked to her? You know it wouldn't have changed what happened to her. Emma did what she wanted to do and all the talking in the world couldn't have prevented it."

Olivia opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out. At a loss for words, she just shook her head and walked away, leaving me standing alone amongst the chaos of CSU and uniforms.

--XXX--

As I walked into the station house, I knew my words had been lost on Olivia. She had gotten too involved in the case, like Cragen feared she would. And she was stubborn. If she thought she could have prevented Emma's death, than it would take more than a few well-spoken sentences to convince her otherwise. And that was what scared me about her sometimes.

"Olivia?" As I walked into the squad room, I started calling out her name, by now having thoroughly distressed myself. "Hey!" I snapped at a young detective doing some paperwork at his desk. Startled, he lifted his nose from the piles and stared at me. "Have you seen Olivia Benson?"

"I think she went back into one of the interrogation rooms," he shrugged and pointed.

"Thanks," I nodded and followed the direction he'd been pointing in. "Olivia!" I walked down the hallway and called for her. At each one way mirror I passed by, I peered in, finding no trace of Olivia until the fourth one. I saw her sitting on a table in one of the nicer rooms, her back to the mirror and her head in her hands as her legs hung off the edge. Going to the door, I knocked my knuckles against it. Not to ask if I could come in, but to make sure that I wouldn't startle her.

"Go away," she moaned, not moving from her position.

"It's Elliot," I offered stupidly as I heard her next response.

"I know, go away," she repeated, covering the pain in her voice with an empty coldness.

"Liv-" I started, fully ready to launch into another speech about how it wasn't her fault.

"Don't!" She snapped, picking her head up and looking bitterly at me from the corner of her eye. "Don't 'Liv' me! And don't waste your breath!"

"Olivia," I corrected myself and ignored her instructions. "What happened to Emma wasn't your fault!"

"What '_happened_?' " She shrieked, turning around to face me. "She wasn't in a car accident or something Elliot! She killed herself! She took a whole bottle of sleeping pills and _killed herself!_"

"I know," I informed her, feeling my anger rising. "But blaming yourself isn't going to change that!"

Olivia turned back around, an angry, bitter laugh escaping from her as she slid to her feet. "Of course it isn't," she agreed, the sarcasm dripping from each word that left her mouth. She whipped around and faced me, fire in her eyes. "Because after all, I didn't force her to relive her attack over and over again. I didn't ask her the question that made her figure it out. _And_ I didn't get so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't see that she couldn't handle this!"

"Olivia, you are _not_ responsible for other people's actions! Why can't you see that!" I begged and yelled, trying to get through to her.

"You don't get it!" She screamed right back.

"What don't I _get_?"

Her face was bright red as she took a deep breath and lowered her voice. "I do blame myself, because it _is_ my fault." Before I could object again, she continued. "I don't know why I even do this anymore. All I do is hurt people." Her enraged expression suddenly softened and her eyes revealed the tears welling up in them. I instantly berated myself for screaming at her. That's not what she needed right now.

"No, you don't hurt people." I shook my head and tried to take back whatever I said to make her think that.

"Don't patronize me, Elliot." She ran her hands over her face, streaking the tears along the side of her cheeks. "Yes I do."

"No…" I started walking towards her, but she just backed up, matching each of my steps.

"What about those three people that were killed, only because I'd investigated them?" She asked me accusingly. "What about the seven women that were kidnapped and held in a dungeon because all I saw when that woman came in was a drunk, just like my mother?"

"You can't blame yourselves for other people's actions, Liv," I desperately repeated.

"I'm just so sick of this!" She shrieked, slapping her hands against her thighs. "I can't take it anymore. I can't handle this!" Suddenly, I watched as she jumped at her holster and whipped her gun out.

--XXX--

Cliff hanger! I couldn't resist! And I know you just love me for it, right? ;)


	43. 43 Stabler

Chapter 43 – Stabler

Thanks to Katydidit, Opal Irises, anonymousthinker, AglaiaWar, dadsgirl4ever, christopher-meloni-freak, nem, viol8dbyalizzard, Lizzie9, Lady Padfoot II, and stablerchic14 for reviewing!

Death threats and hate mail? Maybe I won't update now... Okay! Okay! Put the pitchforks and flaming torches down! I'm updating.  
You guys are too easy to tick off! So amusing... Except for Katydidit -Damn you and your pyschic abilities! So much for surprising you!  
Oh, by the way, this is also the end of the story! Eek! -Hides under table and waits for everyone to get to the end of the chapter.-

Lyrics by Christy Carlson Romano – Could It Be/Jo Dee Messina - Closer

I know we've been friends forever  
But now I think I'm feeling something totally new  
And after all this time  
I've opened up my eyes  
Now I see  
You were always with me  
Could it be you and I never imagined  
Could it be suddenly, I'm falling for you  
Could it be you were always beside me  
And I never knew  
Could it be that it's true that it's you  
And it's you  
You were always near  
But who would ever thought that we would end up here  
And every time I've needed you  
You've been there to pull me through  
Now it's clear  
I've been waiting for you  
Could it be you and I never imagined  
Could it be suddenly, I'm falling for you  
Could it be you were always beside me  
And I never knew  
Could it be that it's true that it's you  
Oh it's you  
'Cause today is the start of the rest of our lives  
I can see it in your eyes  
Oh that it's real  
And it's new  
And I never knew  
Could it be that it's true that it's you  
That it's you  
Oh it's you…  
I love the way you look at me  
Can't you see  
You're the only one that I could ever need?  
Can't you feel how much  
How much I wanna get  
Maybe just a little, just a little bit  
Closer  
Closer than anything  
Don't you wanna be?  
Closer  
Til there's nothing in between  
You and me  
I gotta make a secret confession  
All I really want is all your affection  
Get a little crazy every time we touch  
Close as we are, we could get so much  
Closer  
Til there's nothing in between  
You and me  
Baby don't you wanna get  
Maybe just a little bit  
Look into my eyes  
Just get hypnotized  
One little magic kiss  
We could always feel like this  
Come on over here and get  
Closer  
Closer than anything  
Don't you wanna be?  
Closer  
Til there's nothing in between  
You and me…

****

Stabler

_She's going to shoot herself._

Whether it was a thought I meant or not, it was the first thing to spring into my mind as Olivia pulled the piece out of its holster. I felt my heart start fluttering in my chest, like it would burst at any moment. My mouth went dry and my voice caught in my throat. I'd seen millions of guns before, half of them being pointed at me, but this was different. This was _her._

"Liv, just put the gun down." I held my hands out in front of her, like with every other person that held a gun towards me. "We can talk about this," I tried to reason, tried to buy time.

Holding the barrel in her hands, she looked up at me, tear stains on her face. Her expression was somewhat blank as her mind processed my words. Suddenly, her features twisted into a mixture of disbelief and hurt, like I'd just completely betrayed her. Her mouth opened, but the words were lost. So she just stared at me, a "how-could-you-think-that?" look on her face.

Shaking her head and letting her tears begin to fall again, she looked down and grabbed her badge off of her belt. Putting it on top of her gun, she went to me and shoved them in my hands.

"I quit!" She spat at me, as if her words were venom. While I was still in a dazed shock, she sprinted besides me and went for the door. As she brushed next to me, it pulled me back to reality. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I couldn't let Olivia go.

Setting her gun and badge on the table, I rushed towards her, grabbing her from behind and wrapping my arms around her upper waist. She jumped, scared at first. That turned to anger when she realized it was just me.

"No! Stop it!" She frantically struggled against me, clawing at my arms. "Let me go! You can't stop me!"

"Olivia! Don't!" I squeezed her tighter, ignoring the slicing pain in my arms. "Listen to me! You can't quit! You do too much good and you know it!"

"No I don't! Emma's dead because of me!" She cried, still trying to push me off of her, though she was weaker now.

"Liv, Emma's dead because she was raped and she couldn't cope with it. That isn't your fault!"

"Just stop!" She begged, even more sobs escaping her as her body started shaking in my grip. "Why do you do this?" Olivia demanded in tears. "I'm not worth it! Just let me go…" She moaned.

"Liv, I'm not letting you leave because I care about you! You're worth everything to me!" I ignored the tears starting to gather in my eyes. "And I know you. You could never do anything else with your life. When you took this job you knew it'd be hard and difficult, but you didn't care because you wanted to help people. And Liv, you do! How many rapists and pedophiles and criminals have you helped convict? How many victims have you helped sleep at night because they know their attacker is behind bars, thanks to you?" By now, Olivia was no longer struggling against my restraints. She merely stood there, still sobbing silently as she listened to me. "Liv, you can't just throw this all away. You can't throw away all the good you've done and all the good you will do because of one case. If you want to help Emma, convict her rapist, but don't quit."

Feeling my words finally get to her, I slightly opened my arms, but not enough to free her. As I did that, Olivia twisted in my arms so that she was facing me. She buried her face in my chest and I felt my shirt soak up her tears. Suddenly, she started speaking.

"Just let me go…" She softly moaned, though not making any attempt to leave. "Let me go…"

"Never Liv," I whispered in her ear, feeling her hair brush against the side of my face. I hugged her tighter, bringing one of my hands up to hold her head. "I will _never_ let you go. Never…"

--XXX--

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I repeated, searching Olivia's face for any hint that she was lying.

"Positive." A small smile crept across her face at my worrying. "And thanks… for the ride." Even as she said that, I knew she was thanking me for more than that.

"Anytime," I reflected her smile back at her.

I had given her a ride home from the station house and we were now standing in her apartment doorway. The whole way to here, we were both silent, with nothing really left to say after what happened in the interrogation room. Then again, I had a million things more I wanted to say to her. Most of them starting with the words, _I love you_.

I'd never planned it. I didn't expect it. And I never saw it coming. But somehow… I'd fallen in love with my partner.

It hadn't been a slow, bit by bit realization, it had hit me all at once, in one moment. It was the moment Olivia had pulled her gun out and I thought I was going to lose her forever. I'd seen our whole friendship flash by my eyes. All the times we'd saved each other's lives, all the time we spent together, how well we knew each other, and how happy I was when I was around her. When I realized that I couldn't live without her, I knew I loved her.

There wasn't anything about her that I didn't revere. Her laugh, her smile, her drive and determination, her compassion and understanding, her sense of humor, how adorable she looked after just waking up, the way her hair fell around her face, staring into her deep brown eyes…

When I was trying to convince her not to quit the force, every fiber in my being had been screaming to just tell her. Tell her how you feel. Say you love her, and that's why she can't quit. Tell her how much you need her.

But I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, I saw more reasons to keep it bottled up inside. First, the obvious. _What if she didn't feel the same way? What if she sees me as nothing more than a good friend?_ In all the years we'd been friends, she'd never shown anything but a platonic interest in me. Just because my views had suddenly changed, who's to say that hers had as well? If I did tell her how I felt and that was the case, I'd just end up pushing her away and ruining the best friendship I'd ever had.

Or, say she did feel the same way. _What if we did start a relationship?_ There were strict rules in the force about dating colleagues. If we were to get involved and Cragen found out, he'd have to assign us different partners, maybe even have one of us transferred out of SVU. I didn't want to lose Olivia as a partner either.

_Or what if we got together without anyone finding out, and then broke up?_ We could say the same old cliché, that we'd still be friends, but that's never true. Things would be awkward, strained, and again I'd lose her.

_Or what if we did get together, but only because she's so vulnerable right now?_ I didn't want to take advantage of her when she was still bouncing around from everything.

With so many 'what-ifs' tumbling around in my brain, I knew I couldn't tell her my true feelings. No, it would be much safer to keep them to myself, hope that they eventually fade away. Even as I thought it, I knew that it would never happen. I loved her, and a part of me always would, whether or not she returned the feelings. But why now…?

"Elliot? Elliot?" Olivia waving her hand in front of my face snapped me back to reality.

"Oh, um, sorry. What?" I tried to play off my silence.

"I asked if you wanted to stay here again, or if you were ever going home again?" She flashed a grin at me, making my heart beat a little faster.

_I would love to stay with you again,_ my heart tried to say. Haplessly, my brain overrode it and instead I declined. "No, I should go home. Maybe change," I shrugged, pointing out the fact that I'd been in the same clothes for over 24 hours.

"Okay. So I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Yeah, see you tomorrow." I smiled and started walking away.

"El?" Olivia suddenly appeared in the hallway next to me.

"Yeah?" I faced her.

"Thanks." She wrapped her arms around my neck. Resting her chin on my shoulder for a second, her sweet-smelling hair fell in my face. I closed my eyes and reveled in the moment. "For everything." She didn't elaborate as she pulled away, waiting for me to answer.

_Now! Now's your chance! Tell her the truth, tell her how you feel! It's now or never._ "Of course," I shrugged her gratitude off with a smile. "My pleasure."

She just smiled back, taking a step towards her apartment. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," I nodded.

"Night," she waved from inside her apartment.

"Night," I waved back. And as she disappeared into her apartment, I also felt any chance of ever telling her how I felt go with her. "I love you Liv…" I whispered, about two seconds too late.

**_--The End--_**

I would like to give a huge shout out and thanks to all the people who've reviewed throughout this whole story!

qt-angel, tria246815, viol8dbyalizzard, Lady Padfoot II, n14, Katydidit, LivElRocks a lot, christopher-meloni-freak, Krystal Redfield, NeVeR-wAnTeD-tO-bE-dIfFeRrEnT-jUsT-wAnTeD-tO-bE-mE, Anna, nem, finalfan17, SVUlover, Whitney, LawNorderluver01, stablerchic14, volleylover, LandofShadows, Mika Tsuki, CincyRedsAllTheWay05, angelbabii07, Howdy yall, Shellster, asjkid, Sadie13, SouthrnBelle, boredsvunut, georgesgurl117, Delila07, Raisin, Skat8erchick1435, TeacherTam, Bloody Mina, SVUchik18, AglaiaWar, dadsgirl4ever, steph, queen of drama queens, emma, Opal Irises, anonymousthinker, littlesweetcupcake, Lizzie9, Jerseygirl91, Spikes Girl5, BowerPauer, fufubird

Well, this has been so fun! I'm so glad everyone liked my story and stuck with me this far! I hope you'll read some of my other stuff as well. Bye! And thanks again!

Oh wait, a lot of you wanted to see Olivia and Elliot together, uh? Must have slipped my mind... Just kidding! Of course I didn't forget! Now, I am going to write a sequel, definitely. But, since I write these for you guys, I'll let you pick where I take it! Here are the choices.  
1) I can 'fix' it and make the sequel a story totally dedicated to OE. or  
2) I can make the sequel about Elliot trying to ignore his feelings for Olivia.  
Review and let me know! If I get enough interest in either one, I'll try to get the new story up within the next few days. Thanks!


	44. Sequel Note

So many reviews! God, I love you guys. ;) Anyway, I got a couple people asking me to do this and I just want everyone to know, I finally got the sequel up! Don't freak out and rush over to read the ten chapters you think are there though, because they're not. And for all you speed readers, read that last sentence again, slowly, just so you don't misread it. I'd hate to mislead you. Anyway, I only have one chapter up right now, and it will probably stay that way until the weekend when I have a chance to write and update. I'm back in school (Damn the legal system, making me go to school... >:( Rant, rant...) and I spent like three hours on my homework today! And today was only the second day! Well, now that I've thoroughly worked myself into a panic attack, I should go. Oh, and by the way, the story's called **Is Love Enough?** Hope you check it out. :) Thanks again for all the great reviews everyone! See ya!


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